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He was doing so much better lately thanks to his therapy. Then we got into an argument last night about his past abusive behaviors and how I now have complex PTSD from everything he's put me thru, and that that involves a lot of latent anger on my part, which is just now surfacing. (Our marriage counselor even told him that he will just have to endure my anger for awhile until he makes full amends). We got into an argument & I snapped and got very aggressive. He packed up everything except the furniture (even his pics off the wall) & left & wouldn't tell me where he was going. Said he's going to maybe file for divorce, bc - get this - he needs to set a boundary regarding MY behavior, so he needed to leave to "feel safe." Granted, I was too aggressive during the argument and have had problems lately managing my newly-surfacing anger (working on this a therapist).
I think of all the things he did to me in the past (things for which he has shown little genuine remorse), and the rage just builds inside me until the valve opens & that scorching steam spews out.
So, anyway, he left. I have no idea where he is. He told me he will at some point be coming back for the rest of his possessions. He also stated that he will no longer be depositing his paychecks into our joint acct and will be taking money from our acct to set up his own. Mind you, I am totally disabled, unable to manage fully on my own, and my only income is my measly SSDI income. I cannot afford our rent, utilities, food, etc. on only my SSDI income. I'm terrified.

Update: He contacted me after several days and I was able to convince him to come home.
These threats of abandonment & financial ruin are taking their toll on me. Seems like just as he is starting to do better, he sabotages & it puts me thru hell.

Please keep moving forward. Believe it or not, this is still progress. (Usually it is two steps forward, one step back in the real world, despite our wishes... .both for you and for him.)

As you said, both of you were making progress before that fight.

His moving out in the middle of a fight was horrible behavior, but hidden in it is a HUGE bit of healthy progress for him:

He was terribly upset... .and in that circumstance, his approach was to remove himself from the upsetting situation (a fight with you), instead of escalating his level of violence as a way to control you.

Yes, there are ways of removing himself from the situation that are a hundred times better, and I hope that he finds one next time, if there is a next time. Yeah, he was taking your healthier coping tools (enforcing boundaries) and weaponizing them and misusing them, but again, a glint of progress.

Yeah, it is a really tiny silver lining, I know.   Stay strong. Keep doing the right things.

And stick around here and let us know how it is going, with the smaller, daily things--we can help, guide, and support you in the two-steps-forward-one-step-back thing--we, as non's do it too!

Grey Kitty -
Thank you so much for your words of wisdom and encouragement! You always manage to put things in perspective and find the positive in what may seem like a negative. I had never thought of it as progress until I read your reply. You really eased my anxiety. Thank you!  |iiii