BPDFamily.com

Okay, here is the thing. With time i became isolated with my borderline-GF, losing touch with both friends and family. So one week ago i set up rules, every third day i would have free time, to dedicate with friends and family. I also had set up to have 3hours each day after work and/or school.

So today is friday, i went out with my gf and had a few beers, a freind walk by and joined us. Then through him he called other friends, then after a while my GF took me aside and asked me how we whould do now, since i whould problary spend my entire next day with friends. And i respect that, with such a rule she should be able to dictate if she wanted alone time with me.

Now i have found three problems with this, at first, i couldnt diss them, being thats what i had done almost always on my GFs behalf, also what if i woke up one day, sleeping with my GF and finding nothing to do on my "alone-time day"... ?

The third. I dont want to feel like som dictator, but i realized only one week in this wont work on a regular basis. So im open to suggestions, because going back to the way things were is not an option. Im that kind of person that like being alone, i need it.

Anyone?

Hej Hejsan! I'd like to be able to give you an answer, but i don't. Time with friends, time alone - we all need that. Starting a new thing and a new style is not easy and i would give it some time. If the routine you started doesn't seem to be working you could either give the testing more time (as it's new to both of you) or negotiate are completely new we. Both of you dictating what to do, well i have to admit i don't like the sound of it

I know... .But i find it so hard setting boundaries with my inner self as the only reference. I need some sort of scheme, most problary not for always, but to start with.

I understand ypu dont like the sound of it, i dont neither. Thats the reason for this topic. I need to find the middle-road, not dictating, but co-operating. Its just so hard in this kind of relationship.

I might have found a too easy solution to a too complex problem. But i need words that can lead me in the right direction, because i really dont know what to do.

Is your girlfriend getting any treatment, does she have an therapist? I was thinking maybe some joint discussion, with you her and a therapist might work? Perhaps you really don't have to do all decisions alone :). Some therapists/case workers do not like to get that involved with their clients life, though. But even if they don't let you meet with her T, perhaps you could instead meet with the T's collegue/s discuss whatever we think needs to be discussed (T can then remain dedicated to hir client, but information etc will move). There are also marriage counseling or other relationship therapy available, also short time like 1-3 meetings.

Have you read all the lessons here and studied all the tools? I have found them very informative and helpful, i got a lot of insight from them. There is a lot to work with, within ourselves too.

I have found that alone time is kind of a natural thing with PD's because of the push/ pull.  With my pwPD I find that I have more alone time then I would like.

I agree lol.

But I think it's also because my BPDh is antisocial. He has no friends whatsoever (apart from mine... .) and dislikes going out, when I hate staying home the whole week-end.