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Hi I have been dealing with my ex wife who was an exotic dancer for years we met I fell I. Love with her it was great soon after we met she had a man co
E to the house giving her 1000 to 2000 every 2 weeks he is very obese and ugly has been giving her that money for years nothing sexual I know cause I put cameras up no one knew of them I never saw anything it bothered me for years cause I’m suppose to be the bread Winn er so I got to the point where I cheated on her for revenge and that was the wrong thing to do that started the end I apologized and it never goes anywhere at all I feel very depressed she draws me back in sometimes then out again I am becoming helpless don’t want to do anything I have a set of 11 year old twins she holds them from me seeing them this makes me depressed and alone I feel like I’m going into a depression she is very controlling and never wrong someone else is always to blame not her someone pleas give me some helpful advise

Hi 1916tech and Welcome 

You're in the right place for support and advice.  So sorry to hear about your situation with your ex wife.  Does she have BPD/traits of and is she diagnosed?  What you describe must be very painful for you, especially when it comes to being prevented from seeing your children.  Do you have a legal custody arrangement in place?  You might be well advised to seek some legal advice on this in order to move things forwards.  It's just as important for your children to see you as you seeing them, if not more so.  What is her reason for this?

Following a separation it is common to feel depressed and with the situation you're sharing here, I'd say it's even more so that this could be expected.  Have you sought help and support from a doctor and / or therapist to deal with this?  Making decisions when feeling low is much more difficult and from what you tell us here it sounds like you have things to address.  Do you have supportive friends and / or family members who you can also share with?  Getting a support network around you is very important at times like this, especially if you don't feel like reaching out because of the depression.  It's great that you've posted here for help and advice and we will help you to find your way through this.  Members here will be able to relate to your situation so you're far from alone in this. 

I'd encourage you to take a good look around the site and consider focusing on some of the basic relationship skills, which you can find in the Tools menu above.  These can help you to manage any ongoing communication with your ex wife, reducing conflict and allowing for easier dispute resolution.  At the end of the day, you need to co parent together eventually, whether you recycle the r/s again or not. 

What would be your ideal situation right now?  Would you like to reconcile the r/s?  Do let us know how we can best support you and this will help us to determine where the best board is for your immediate goals.

Love and light x

Thanks for the reply I appreciate it I get drawn in and out of this relationship she listens to everything her mother tells her I think there is something deep rooted there do t know what but feel there is I have kids with her just need to know how to deal withthis relationship