BPDFamily.com

A bit of an update, though I'm not on the boards much... .  uBPD19 brother is currently in jail, supposed to be serving a several-month sentence.

My parents recently received a letter from him, and while it's nice to get a letter, I kept thinking that much if it seems to just be regurgitating/repeating things that he thinks my parents want to hear. He does open up a little ("Sometimes I panic in here and freak out that no one will ever talk to me from the outside", but most of it is things like:

"I want to get on the straight and narrow after this so I don't come back"

"I *will* be out before [summer semester of college] starts, so we should talk about signing up for a couple classes next month" (he insisted he was ready to go to college last year, and promptly got trouble with the law and temporarily kicked out of school a few weeks in, but has still been holding onto the idea of jumping back into classes)

"It's an emotional time for me, making letters and excellent form of communication"

"I am constantly thinking about self-improvement while I am here, both current things and things to do when I get out. I am growing up, don't you worry."

I have a hard time believing that he's always sincere; it's seemed to me in the past that while he does seem to believe the things he says, the actual truth of them is not always there. Has anyone else experienced feeling this way? I feel bad about not giving him the benefit of the doubt and believing that he actually wants to and will improve, but I feel he's been down this road so many times before... .  

It's really hard to trust someone who has let you down consistently. I'd be skeptical too, but as he's writing those words, that might really be how he feels... .  and too much for him to live up to. He might be saying what he thinks that your parents want to hear--that's very possible. He might also be writing it down so it "sticks" and he's more likely to follow through.

Do the letters change how your relationship with him will be once he's out of prison?

We wrestle with sincerity a lot in our house my SD has BPD and has admitted on many that she frequently just tells us what we want to hear. When you know that someone has been making repeated lies to you, how do you believe them when they say that they are telling the truth? I feel bad for not trusting her word, but I honestly can't think of one major thing that she has told us that she would do that amounted to more than just a bunch of hot air out of her mouth. She is a master manipulator. I can feel where you are coming from Elfie!