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Title: What is the goal of 'No Contact' Post by: JRT on January 15, 2015, 10:11:07 AM I have seen people on this board use 'no contact' frequently but with often times with different intended goals in mind. Is the intent to take away the perceived power from a BPD or to add a greater element of finality to the end of a relationship (doesn't the end of a relationship INCLUDE no contact anyway?). Is it intended as a cooling off period to allow tempers to subside or clearer thinking and conversation? Or is the goal to compel behavior: eliminating the push pull? Or getting them to return?
Title: Re: What is the goal of 'No Contact' Post by: Tim300 on January 15, 2015, 10:37:37 AM The primary reasons I'm NC are because she has threatened to both kill me and to ruin my career. At this point, the best outcome is probably if she forgets about me.
If those threats weren't made, I don't know, but I'd probably still be NC. Her behavior at the end was just so cruel and unfair; I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like this. Also, I've seen how she treats her friendships and her family members -- there is simply no point in trying to maintain any type of relationship with her, eventually she will be nasty or just abruptly cut you out. Finally, she told me too many lies, it's just too much. These people are sick. Odd BPD behavior might just be the tip of the iceberg for what someone is capable of. I would go NC for your safety. I can't think of anything good that can come out of interacting with a pwBPD (aside from maybe the initial learning experience, which you've already had if you're here). Title: Re: What is the goal of 'No Contact' Post by: EaglesJuju on January 15, 2015, 10:50:35 AM The construct of NC is somewhat broad. I think the goal of NC varies on what you intend to get out of it.
I tend to associate NC with my own needs, instead of my pwBPD's. The intention of using it for personal space, detachment, and healing is a viable way to focus on myself. I have used it for a way to disengage from being too enmeshed. There is a vast difference between using NC as a method of a boundary or a means of control and using it to detach and heal. Using it as a boundary or a way to stop a person's behavior is synonymous to the silent treatment. There should not be a reliance on tactics or methods to get a person back. This is a form of manipulation. |