BPDFamily.com

Hello  :hi:

I haven't posted in quite awhile...but I've been lurking and reading.

This morning I glanced over the posts I've written over the last year,  wow - a lot has happened, there were incidents that occurred that I didn't even remember. 

I joined this site in Jan 2019, we were desperate.  DD was acting out, we had been told that she probably was BPD, and I was looking for help.   I remember reading through posts on this site thinking "wow, I am so glad we aren't that situation" - we were, we just didn't know it at the time.    Things went from bad to worse, I do think that the event(s) that sent DD over the edge was a the break up from a BF.  He was emotionally abusive, which made things worse.  At 16 she was going from boy to boy trying, unsuccessfully to make the ex jealous.  Once school was out she was out of control.   At the end of July she ended up on a psyche ward for 10 days, from there we had her transported to a short term residential facility, Newport Academy.  The program is 90 days- insurance cut her at 45.  We were able to get her into Newport's PHP program.  We started to see progress, we put in place very strict boundaries - and maintained them.  We have had ups and downs - in November she falsely accused us of abusing her and DH of molesting her...DCF got involved - we were completely cleared.  She is hyper focused on having a "love" relationship...and the PHP program is co-ed.. In Dec she started a "secret" relationship with another client - he broke up with her in Jan, and she started to spiral.  Last week she went back to Newport's residential program- she was upset at first, we all expected the worse, however she calmed down within 20 minutes and was smiling when we left her. She seems to be taking it seriously this time and really trying.  They told us she is staying out of the drama (very, very difficult for our DD) We saw her two days ago for our family session and she is doing well.  It seems as if she is lighter - without the phone, boys and social pressures. She told us she isn't really happy to be there, but knows it is where she needs to be.  Progress!

     Last spring her therapist made the recommendation that she needs a long term residential placement or therapeutic boarding school, Newport  residential made the recommendation in September, her therapist at the PHP also thinks a single gender placement is best.  DH is finally on board,  We also hired an educational attorney to help us get her an out of district  placement, Our PPT is Friday.   

We were hoping that she would get at least 30 days (and hoping for a full 90) at residential.  Yesterday we got the call that insurance is cutting her off, it went to peer review and was denied...now we are appealing.  :( .
If we don't win the appeal she will be home on Tuesday.  And the insurance company is saying that they will not approve a PHP or IOP either.  We aren't going down without a fight...if anyone here has any insight or recommendations they will be greatly appreciated.

Things that have helped us...Family Connections was life changing for us.  The skills we learned have helped my DH and I tremendously.  We found parent support groups, not easy to find, but they are out there.  We have tried to find time for us as a couple - even if it is just grocery shopping together.   Looking at DD with empathy and remembering that this is not how she wants her life to be, and if she had the skills to change it she would.  Trying to respond and not react. The practice of Meditation and Mindfullness has also helped me.      We are not always skillful, I sometimes yell and scream right back,  DD still lies, and sneaks, especially when it comes to boys and social media.  On the bright side she sometimes holds herself accountable- progress.   We try to notice the little victories.

Its been quite a rollercoaster ride...and I know it isn't over.   Although I don't post often, reading what you all are sharing really helps - Thank you!

~SOD   
Not really Stressed out Daily anymore :)

Thanks for checking in. It does seem like you have been on quite a roller coaster. But it also seems like there are good things happening. Your daughter holding herself accountable is huge even if it doesn't last. I wish you all the best with the insurance mess. Do keep us posted

NOT SOD,
I’ve identified with your situation from the get go and I was so pleased to read this post. I always come back to what someone here said-we don’t have the power to make things much better, but we do have the power to make things much worse.

My DD was going to go to Timberline Knolls but we were denied by insurance. We appealed but lost. It seemed that unless she had a hard diagnosis of a major MH disorder (like BP or Schzophrenia)  they wouldn’t approve.
They are happy to pay for drug rehab and even eating disorder treatment, but we just couldn’t get approved based on S.I. and BPD symptoms.
Hopefully, your attorney can figure out the proof they need.
We’ve seen many times how fast they can go from seemingly stable to off the rails due to boyfriend breakups.
Sending you a ((hug)
Peacemom