BPDFamily.com

For anybody who has followed my posts, she's been horrible, and we were over... . for good reasons.

A couple of nights ago she calls me and I stupidly answer... . said she's so sorry, and the messages she sent were just to get a reaction... . she's so upset and can I come over. End up staying the night and having sex etc... .

Then we go get dinner tonight... talks like I'm a deadbeat and she needs to meet somebody rich, won't kiss me. Very stand offish... what the heck am I doing to myself? She wants me back then treats me like that?

She's clearly got her I can do better wanderlust eyes on like last time we broke up. FFS, why does she have to be so nuts?

So sorry this happened   It's the nature of the illness, I'm afraid.  Want us one minute, hate us the next.  And it goes on and on.  We just don't understand the universe they live in; it makes no sense.  So we apply our own laws of physics to their universe - we think they have changed, we see progress of some sort, we believe their words because we see no reason for them to lie.  It takes us a long time to steer out of that FOG - we get hurt enough and somehow our bodies tell us not to go back.  In my case, I had the cops over with her throwing things and hitting herself, claiming she hated me, that I was the worst person in the world.  I just wanted her out.  The cops left and she said she would kill herself if I left.  We talked for about an hour, the anger turned to fear and tears to her crying in my arms begging me not to leave - and you guessed it - eventually led to sex.  I feel so wrong about that.   And two weeks later - the rage and blame again.   Here I am 10 months later - still with her.  You can feel bad about going back to her, but trust me - we've all done it.

Their fear, shame, guilt, anxiety, sadness and loneliness swirl around in their minds like a toad in a blender.  Just as they think that they've found the right kind of soothing that they need, the blender kicks on again and nobody knows what the contents inside are going to look like after the blending cycle is (temporarily) stopped.  You soothed her and then the blender kicked on and she felt one of those emotions that I opened with (or a combination of them all) and so her natural tendency from learned behavior is to run away. She doesn't deserve you (she feels) or you'll just leave her (she thinks) so she wants to run.  But you soothe her and she stays.  And then something/someone/somehow the "hi speed" blend button is pressed and she becomes all jumbled up again. 

Live with that going on in your head every day. 

I have a question about this. This sounds very familiar... . however, I have never had the strength like you did to actually leave. However, one week I am perfect... . can't live his life without me... . totally in love with me. The next I am all that is wrong with his life and the world that he lives in. I've never seen him treat another person in his life like this... . why me? What triggers this type of behavior?

MSE1081 - he probably has treated other people this way - you just haven't seen it.  He probably has treated exes that way, co-workers, and family members. 

I was in the same place as you just about a year ago.  I thought I was triggering her behavior, because it seemed like she had considerable success with friends and jobs and relationships in her life.  But the truth is, I never met those friends or exes - so I really didn't know.    As the months wore on and I watched her interact with people, I now see her treat others the exact same way as me.  In fact, she admits she treated previous boyfriends worse!  And those great jobs she had?  None lasted more than 6 months - and almost always wound up ending with a screaming match with her boss.

Really take a look at his other r/s - and I am sure you will find that he has issues with just about everyone. 

No idea, though I think it's partly that you got close so you instantly become a target for bad emotions... done my best to work it out, but it's tough.

Anyway, we had an epic bust up in the middle of the night... rang me and told me everything she could think was wrong with me and how she'd rather be single and f### around... Really ugly. No way known that's going together again.