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Mod note: This post was split from the following thread as it merited its own discussion: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=335166.0


Hi 'Once removed',

I experienced 3rd degree burns in my face and on my hands at age 10. Please don't compare those terrible injuries with a PD such like BPD.
I learned how terrible BPD must be for the person, but third degree burns are a very very different story. I wouldn't wish my worst enemy (don't have any) to have these burns, especially not in the face.

Regards

Hey there, MyBPD_friend. I’m sorry to hear about the injuries that you suffered at 10 years old. I imagine that they were quite painful. I know how much a minor burn can hurt.

What once removed said is a common metaphor that is used when trying to articulate how a pwBPD can feel at times. That metaphor is found in books and articles.

Also, I’m not minimizing how you feel about reading that statement. I understand triggers and how they make us feel. They’re kind of like our own personal time machine that only travels backwards.

I’m sorry that reading that gave you negative feelings. I also want you to be aware that you’ll likely see that stated again. As I said, it’s been used in literature to help explain things. Just be prepared for it.

If you’re comfortable in sharing, how did your burns happen?

Hi JNChell,

Thanks for replying on my comment. I'm aware that BPD is often compared to third degree burns, I've read it a few times in articles on BPD.
However, I was just stating that it is a somewhat difficult comparison.

I have no problems talking about my burns and what happened, I actually made a photo book and an international photo exhibition about the issue, including self-portraits and portaits of other 'burn survivors' in the USA and Europe.

Two boys played with a candle light when one boy took a canister with wood paint and opened it to ask the other boy to put the candle near it. What follwed was an explosion with gas and wood paint, throwing it on my face, taht was back in 1971 - yeah I'm that old now.

However, recovering, involving about 25 skin grafts from age 10 - age 27, it took many years for a phsychological recovery - until my last surgery in 1988, after which I accepted myself and started my photo project as an exchange student in San Francisco.

A 'weird' friendship with a BPD woman put me back to those years of suffer when I was a boy and teenager. My story is written in this forum.
You see, in my case there is a real connection to my burns and BPD.

I probably met this woman because of my burns, she has a young relative who got burned, she is now 21 years old, my ex friend 35 soon.
It took me about a year to find out that I triggered her and she triggered my feelings and my memories of the past, including my longing for acceptance and love.
I came accross of picture of her on the web today, that triggered me as well.

Anyway, I couldn't accept and withstand her ST and late or no responses anymore last March/April and wrote a 'goodbye' letter to her.
At the same time I told her that I got a new phone number to avoid her contacting me again - that was extremely painful to do.

Regarding my burns and scars, I became a very strong personality, knowing what I want in life and what I can't accept. That's sometimes difficult for others to understand. I definately had my abandonment and rejection issues when I was younger. I met my wife (also German) in San Francisco during my scholarship, she had the same one in Long Beach, that was 1989.
I love my wife very much - I couldn't believe that I could eventually fall in love with another woman, which happened with that BPD woman in 2017. My wife knows about it and she also knows that my childhood experiences were a reason that this woman triggered me.

Today, I consider myself a happy person who has almost everything that one could ask for, two adult sons,  a loving wife, a good business and good friends.

Thanks for reading

This is awesome and I’m very happy to read it. I say it a lot here, I love a good success story. You, my friend, are one.

The childhood accident sounds horrible. I’m sorry. You’re lucky to have survived that. You did, and life moved forward. You came across a disordered person that you befriended. I can see how the two of you bonded over your similarities.

I was born in 76. I’m that old too. At least I feel that way. Did the other boys receive burns?

I’ve read your story. I just haven’t responded until now.

25 skin grafts is a hard way to go. I can’t even put my finger on it.  How’s the journaling and public outreach going. Share a link if you’re ok with that.

Silent treatment is torture. None of us should have to endure that.

Brother, you have a wife and family. Things that many of us here wish we had. I’m happy for you. You can help the rest of us by being active here. I’m glad that you’re here.

JNChell, Thank you for your friendly and nice words.
I've read so many terrible hurting stories on these boards.

I'm aware that, even with my background,  I'm blessed.

Unfortunately I don't have a website of my work anymore. This work called Scars -Narben has been on some major TV programs incl. CNN International.

Having been in such an intense r/s with a BPD women was my most difficult emotional experience with a person in my life.
You all know what I'm talking about.
I can't believe that I still think of her.

I imagine that you worry about her daily.