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How’s everyone doing during lockdown. We’re on week three (I think). Up until a few days ago my undiagnosed pBPD was doing ok. Motivated. Positive. But the last few days he’s sinking into bad habits and those bad habits usually lead to outbursts.

He has just lost the plot now because he saw that I have packed all my winter clothes away into as he said “nice storage boxes). Leaving none for him. He lost his temper quickly. escalated and then stormed around the room.

He went downstairs shouting about how no one can control him or tell him what to do he’s a 36 year old man. He can do what he wants. That I shouldn’t control him.


The last two nights he’s been bad. Wed he drank all night. I woke up when the door went at 2:30 am and he was getting more drink. I told him to go to bed he got angry. I woke again at 5:30 he was still drinking. He slept all day and was moody when he finally woke up early evening.

Last night I woke up at 6am he was still awake just watching tv.

This is normally how all his episodes start and I don’t know what to do about it as he can’t go out. And neither can I obviously. Please can anyone help

Oh also re the boxes I had some for him and was trying to say it but he just wouldn’t listen to me

I'm sorry you are going through that.  I don't have any real advice, just want to say I am going through the same experience in week 3 of social distancing involving being at home full-time with me and my UpwBPDSO working at home together and taking on lots of home responsibilities together.  I posted a separate thread about this called something like "I was about to move out and then COVID-19 happened." 

It is helps to normalize things for you, the first two weeks were also pretty peaceful around here.  Then I noticed the warning signs of a change last Tuesday, and by Thursday night she was in full rage mode, and blaming me for everything.  I have heard from many people who are NOT dealing with BPD in the household that the third week of lockdown has been tough as people start going stir crazy, bored, getting on each other's nerves, etc., so I think those of us who have to deal with BPD on top of it have even more to handle.  I know this doesn't necessarily make your direct experience easier to deal with, but maybe it can provide some perspective and make clear that this is definitely not about you and is not your fault.  That is what I keep repeating to myself here.

Also, if from past experience you know how long the "painted black" or outburst period tends to last, it might be helpful to remind yourself that, as intense as it is, it does typically fade at some point.

Some other members gave me some good advice in the thread that I posted, so you may want to check that out. The key thing that was helpful for me was the reminder that my partner's words are really not about me, even when they sound like they are. They are about her inability to tolerate her own feelings and her reflexive habit of turning that pain outward by projecting on me to avoid the pain.  My job is to see that clearly and not internalize what she says about me.

One more thought: since you and he can't go out: what is it that you or he normally do to cope with these episodes, and is there any way to do something similar while you are in lockdown?  For example, if you normally meet with friends, could you FaceTime or Zoom with them instead?  I realize it is a poor substitute, but in lockdown we have to find ways to cope, even if they are not as helpful as when we could go out or be with other people.  I am doing a lot of FaceTime and Zoom with people, and it is definitely better for me than without it.

Thank you TRB, I guessed I wouldn’t be the only one in this situation, unfortunately. Has your partner calmed down yet? And yes you’re right nonBPD are also being affected and it tends to be in week three. Normally I give him space for a couple of days and stay out of the house more. Which I can’t do. I’ve stayed in my room for the past 7 hours and he’s downstairs but I’m loosing the will to live like this. It’s already a bad time and I’m getting frustrated that he’s making it worse

Yes, my partner has calmed down but we are mostly not interacting with each other except for necessary chores and logistics.  It seems like the peak of this cycle was Thursday night, so if past experience is any guide, this one will fade by Tuesday.  Each of us has been going for walks separately to get some break from being in the same house with each other.  Is that an option for you?