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After a roller coaster of 6 years I finally officially broke it off.  Via text.  I couldn't deal with the explosions anymore which were now so close together I had no time to process and recover.   Felt like I was always in a boxing ring not knowing which corner to go to recover and no matter which one I went to as soon as I got back in the ring there was another verbal punch to the point I was getting verbal punches when I tried to recover.  I bought the wrong pizza.  I was driving too close the curb.  The chicken wasn't thawed out all the way.  Couldn't find something fast enough in the pantry.  The list goes on... .trivial things that would send him into a RAGE.  He is now 60 years old. I am 54.  He has had 2 failed marriages and several long term relationships which ended badly but he was always the victim.  I see all the blaring red flags now but with my childhood of quietly dealing with trauma on my own it enabled me to quietly deal with him until I was literally an internal mess of quiet constant tears, dreading his calls and seeing him while craving the over the top adoration bestowed on me in the beginning.   I thought THAT guy would return if I could just anticipate and adjust the verbal punches to get out of the ring but no matter how quick my footwork... .bam another verbal blow. You would think I was an uneducated, unattractive,  blob to continue this dance with him.  I am a college graduate, attractive, fit and everyone says I look like I am in my early 40's.  He is a good looking, oozing charisma, ex football player with whom I was enamored.   Quite cathartic to put this in words.  What help do I need?  What comments would be helpful?  I dread and yet secretly hope he "sees the light" & contacts me to make it all better for both of us.  We've had several breakups over the years none lasting more than 2 weeks where he contacted me and I went back just to ease the excruciating pain of the break up.  It's approaching 2 weeks and I want... .NEED to be strong enough to withstand the invitation back into the boxing ring.  My ego wants it.  My heart desires it.  My head is telling me don't even look at the ticket box.  Thank you for listening and any comments. 

  Welcome boxingring!

You are safe and among friends here. Do you have someone you can talk to or hang out with? It helps to have support. Sadly, many of us have experienced the same situation. I am glad you found this site! Be sure to read the articles and such here - it is very helpful.