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Ugh!  He has got me really mad for the first time in a while.  I am being sensitive for some reason, I could have handled it better but I felt triggered.

I am sitting here working, obviously very busy.  He came back in the house to specifically confront me before I go to work and as he is on his way out.  (maybe so he could just leave for work... .that is actually mature/helpful of him)  He threatened that he wasn't paying the rent because he "couldn't" as he didn't receive my portion in the mail yet.

I got reactive.  I felt bullied.  I felt like he should have ASKED me what happened.  (My rent check is on it's way by the way... .it got sent last week, it usually gets sent earlier but it didn't)  I know, it is minor.  I don't know why but I got pretty mad.

I told him, "Are you serious?  You don't have money to pay the rent so you're just not going to pay it?  (he has a ton of money... .that is not the issue.  And yes I expect to pay my portion on time.)  You're going to incur a late fee on us just to spite me?  My check was sent!  I saw it reflected last week!  Why am I sending you a check if you are not going to pay?  I should cancel my checks and pay them directly the apt complex.  Why pay you my rent if you won't pay them?"  "forget it, I'll cancel my check and pay them directly!"

We went back and forth a bit.  He lied and then tried to take back that he said he wouldn't pay and it would be a late fee. (which i think is like 100 bucks)  I got frustrated, said I was too annoyed and would show him the statement now if he agreed to leave me in the house and go to work so I could continue working, him leaving and deescalating.

He kept grouching at me angrily that he has a right to be there and not leaving.  It was stressing me out so I said forget it!  I'm just taking a time out and not engaging.  Send me an email because this is a legal issue I don't want a misunderstanding and I don't want to deal with it right now.

Ok, I lost my cool, it was not wise headed or whatever that thinking is.

I actually now feel a bit badly.  I could have just showed the statement, he would have been satisfied, there would be no fight.  The reason I didn't right away though is I felt bullied into it.  I would have had no problem at all if he just said, "Hey, did you know your check didn't arrive?  I'm a bit weary about paying the full amount until I get it.  Could you do me a favor and show me your statement or give me some collateral while I wait and then I can feel ok paying the rent?"  I felt the way he approached me was a bit of a threat and all he had to do was ask me where the check was instead of trying to corner me into some escalation of rent issue.  It is like he is anticipating me to screw him over and he has been waiting for it to happen and he just hit his launch button to gear up for a legal battle over rent with me.

I am NOT his ex wife!  I am sick of being treated like his exwife!  I'm sick of him trying to redo fights with his exwife with me and have them play out so that he has a set of b___s and feels better about himself.  I am sick of him trying to get closure of his faults from his marriage to her by pretending I am her and then punishing ME the way he regrets that he never punished HER.

*sigh*  Thanks for listening guys!  Thanks for your wisdom!

I wish I could just hit a "redo" button.