BPDFamily.com

Hi There,

  Since this is my last day on site I thought I would start a final thread.

I have had a hard time finding any info out there on this topic so maybe some of you with "multiple recycles" under your belt can help.

Has any of you had your BPD ex cut off contact with you completely? Like tell you they would NEVER trust you again and then block FB, Email and phone... .

and still return?

My ex is friends with ALL her exes. She told me I was different because I betrayed her (called her out on her shyt). In her mind I told everyone her personal life... .which I didn't.

I am just curious.

As I mentioned I am working dilligently with a T to get past this and move on to healthier relationships. I am simply curious.

I initially declined her friendship (because I knew she was in a new relationship when dumping me). I called her out and everything became my fault. Sorry, cheating on me... .

not my fault 

So I am looking to hear from those who have NOT been able to rid of their ex after their ex eliminated contact. I am putting steps in place to keep her away as it.

Thanks!

Earth 

Mine has recycled me dozens of times.

I keep hoping, and so does he, but we keep imploading.

So probably your ex will come back and try to re-engage.

Mine is giving me the silent treatment atm, because we had another blow out. I expect he will be back and we will try again. I only think maybe there will be success at this point, though, if I learn how to communicate in the BPD language.

Zen,

  Did he block you from all contact and act like you are a stalker? That is what I am getting. I know she blocked her ex once but not everything like this.

Curious.

And btw... .forget BPD speak. NC is way to go.

I am curious about this on at the moment also.  I was cut off completely over six months ago but then she showed up to finally get her things.  Things were polite and non engaging just some small talk and away she went.  Then a couple of weeks later while passing in traffic she smiled and waved.  She is with my replacement at the moment and I fear and crave a recycle.  Christmas is almost here so I doubt things are going well in her new relationship.  I almost want to reach out to her just to see if she still cares.

My exhwBPD never contacted any of his exes, ever.

He was very proud of that.

He boasted that "they" always came back to him and he told them "NO WAY".

L

edited to add...

My exhwBPD lied about many things. He lied to everyone about our relationship, so I don't know if anything he said to me during our marriage was true.

I really don't. He's got distorted thinking.

I guess it is different with all of them. All I know is mine keeps in touch with people from 15yrs or more ago and acts like they are great friends, even if it is over email/FB or texting/phone chats. Many are in relationships too. During our time together I met two of them, was left for one of the two for a month and then she came back.

After she came back she complained she lost her best friend (the ex she left me for). Like I was supposed to be sad about it.

When leaving me this time she called me her best friend and said she would be here always for me. I guess it wasn't til she realized our mutual friend she is now dating would have issue with that... .

I am the devil incarnate.

Earth 

Earth - My exhwBPD does not have any friends from the past either... .

I asked him if he ever reached out to some of his old high school friends (he had me look up some on facebook). When I offered to reach out to them for him via facebook he had the strangest reaction.

Just shook his head and said NO NO very vehemently. I think he was ashamed that he could not compare to them in his professional pursuits.

Or their relationship ended like all of his relationships, with either him or the other person walking away - with hate.

You are leaving earth ?

-----some do some don't but you got to forget about the whole deal sweetie! It will never be the way you would want it to be--- never, I really get the feelings that you never got to part from this r/s ... .in all its context, in all the love, compassion you could provide it is not for you, something is... .but not this. Sorry Angie, this is the way I feel about all this

Well my BPDex. I think I mentioned this on a previous post, I ended things with her because I couldn't deal with what she was putting me through, I was borderline going to lose my mind (no pun intended).

I knew she was troubled for quite sometime during the relationship and as I was planning my escape while simultaneously giving in to her needs because I was naive,

overly compassionate, and filled with empathy for her, I made it clear that when I break up with some one I completely cut them off. A sort of passive hints I was giving her. When ___ hit the fan, she gave me a sappy award winning "I will always love you, best of luck, wish I could of been in your life, and when I called her out on her bs and asked her why she kept destroying us, she got upset and switched her blame game to me. Using the same lines she used on every other ex. After that she called me for for about a week and that's it. I never heard from her again. It's almost a year and not a peep from both sides. She's as her boyfriend/ her alcohol, parties, Facebook facade and narcissism. I don't think ill ever her from her again. I think in part because I now know who she is and why would she want to be with someone who knows the demon behind the mask.  I don't expect her to contact me and I wouldn't want her to.

Hey marinro7,

 Yes I am leaving... .to get into some serious therapy and hopefully never attract someone like this again.

This is a hard situation because I work with my ex's sister. I did not meet my ex through her. My ex's sister and I were friends... .now she can't stand me.

I know this is because her sister has issues and I prob brought out the worst unknowingly. She cut me off so many times. I truly hope this is the last time but I don't know. She has told everyone I am a stalker so I can only imagine.

Yes my ex came back after 10 months. He had run out on me never to talk to me again until the one he left me for dumped him and he comes back almost like nothing happened a few days after she did this. I bought I'm the love of his life hook line and sinker. I did not know he left me for her at the time.

My feeling is there is always a good chance they will come back no matter how bad it got or how angry they were if they now somehow need you and there is no supply available. They can't be alone. They will figure out someway to paint you white again for their own purposes. Be prepared for how you will handle this so it doesn't take you by surprise.

I wish you the best of luck in your therapy!

Mine hasnt contacted me in the 10 months since he ended things.

However, he is friends with most of his exes.  His ex before me (was somewhat of a creepy stalker while we were together and he gives her validation by engaging... .so shes still creeping around).  His ex wife wants little to do with him but he maintains some weird fb friendship with her because hes desperate to be liked.   

From what hes told me, his college girlfriend will not speak to him, and the girl before that in high school I forget if they chat.  I think he said she reached out to him.

The problem here is that im willing to bet that most of these women arent aware of his Undiagnosed condition and may have not sorted out their own issues.

He used to mention his friend in  a different state but it turned out this so called friend was his ex girlfriend's new boyfriend whom he had never met.  The point, is his perceptions were warped, and he may tell people the same about me.  His idea of friendship is warped, his whole reality is pretty warped.  This seems to be a trend.



All I know is that right now the only one painted black is me. Which Im 100 % on board with because its better than the alternative of him creeping around my life. 

Yes. Because many of us wanted to be saved and loved by them, just like they feel for us. It's easier for them to return when we're that needy, not taking care of ourselves. The contact may not have been severed, on either side, it just wasn't being used.

Seems to play out that way.

I prefer to remain painted black. I daresay, mirroring the mirror seems to have that effect.

Yep. Every single time.

Yes, but did they change their number, block you on fb etc?

Yes! It's because we grieve the relationship soon as it ends. That's when we suffer the longings, desires & all other forms of jumbled fogged up stuff.

PwBPD feel it too, but not in the same timeline as us!

They loved us intensely, in an emotionally unstable & illogical way. So intensely in fact that their core fears caused them to run away from their own fears of their feelings for us!

Difference is they cover their loss with a distraction. It's futile & when it fails to work POW! Their grieving begins, their loss ingulfs them & their longing for us arrives!

That's when we hear from them.

Thing is, they're not dumping you. They're throwing tantrums hoping you'll chase after them and go "oh no I'm SO sorry here let me do even more bending over backwards to win your awesome heart back, your highness." When you don't do that, they resort to a new tactic.

Moonie, I often read your posts where you state they grieve in reverse? Not attacking you at all... .I'm just curious when you state that. How come? isn't a lack of object consistency the thing that causes them NOT to miss us? how could my BPDex miss me after lets say 1-2 years?

Earthangel,

My BPDex did not block me or anything, on the contrary I did the blocking, the deleting, everything. I think when she thinks about our relationship that too much has happened/ been said that it cannot function any longer.

Mine told me she loved me very very much and we were best friends.

When I tried to question why she was leaving she had already moved on but was lying.

Clearly I do not need someone like this but I have been made out to be a stalker and she changed all communication. 

Losingconfidence is right.  The last four breakups with mine happened this way.  I would NOT try to contact her, drive by her house, email her... .nothing.  When she would abruptly bail on me (like always), she'd send me some long email or text telling me how we're just not gonna work out together and I'm the problem, etc.  After she hit "send", she'd block my email and my phone number so that I couldn't respond back.  The thing is that I never did respond back.  I'm not gonna try to argue or convince this child to see my point of view because we ALL know that's the equivalent of banging our head against a brick wall.  Yeah, she wanted me to stalk her, tell her "Baby, I'm sorry I let you treat me badly" (ha ha!), beg her to come back, etc.  But I never caved or played those games with her.  And of course, I have been permanently painted black to all her friends and family and blocking all contact from me was one of those ways she accomplished that.  Geez, the stupid mind games they play with us.  Truly childish!

When me & my ex split first time, she cried for the first time about the things she'd done to my predecessor. I grieved our relationship while she cried onto shoulders of our friends about the guy before me.

When my replacement left her she pined for me!

I'm not proud if it but after our first recycle I read her diary/journal. Meant for nobody's eyes other than hers & her entries were VERY telling. It was just as though she didn't miss a person till the distraction was gone. But when the feelings did come they were as real & painful as what we went through straight after the ending!

Reading diary fully supported every word I'd read about PD grieving.