BPDFamily.com

Hello - I have posted here before and the people here are wonderful.

By BPD spouse has been (in the past) physically, emotionally and verbally abusive.  In the last event (two weeks ago) I was trying to leave, but she wouldn't give me my phone.  She pulled out a 12" butcher knife and threatened to cut my car tires.  I went back inside and she started to wave the knife and the look in her eyes - I locked myself in the backyard and called the police.  I did not press charges and I did not tell them there was a knife - I just wanted to leave the house in peace.

we have two children (6 and 4) who have been witness to the violence and arguments but have never been physically abused.

Past 72 hrs  - we are going to do a couples intensive counseling and the wife in the counseling team tells my wife that she needs to be checked out before couples counseling for bipolar and / or BPD.  She tells my wife that she sees a number of indicators that leads the counselor to strongly believe there is something that needs to be checked out.  My wife states there is no issue and instead decides to go to a different counselor for assessment.  This new counselor tells my wife she has ADHD and prescribes Vyvanse.

The couples counselors refuse to see us because they feel so strongly that either bipolar / BPD is at hand.

My question to a more tenured team -

what do I do? Am I rational in thinking things will get worse with my wife if she is taking ADHD medication?  is there any chance that Vyvanse could actually help my wife?  The husband in the counseling team told me that I am at a crossroads.  that if I go along with her I am not helping her I am only letting it get worse.  I have heard this from a different counselor before.

I have a busy day but will be checking back here - I am hoping for a couple of words of wisdom. 

and I will Pray.

thank you in advance

What a scary situation! I am very concerned for your safety and well being. Threats are serious but actually threatening with weapons is a sign that things are escalating quickly. Things may be safer now, but what happens next time? It's very important since physical abuse has been present in the past and seem to be heading in that direction again that you set up a safety plan for yourself and your family. Please check out or resource on Safety First.

https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf

As for the medication, I do not have any experience with these medications. It is possible that perhaps your spouse may respond well to ADHD medication if ADHD is a co-morbid condition. It could also cause things to tip over the edge since it is an amphetamine (basically it's legal speed). In the event that she begins to become paranoid, have delusional thinking, may become hyperactive/aggressive, etc. how are you prepared to respond?  You cannot physical stop your spouse from taking this medication, but you can control how you react to her when she does use it. You are in a very tough spot.

Getting people with BPD into counseling and to stick to it is very difficult. The nature of the disorder itself prevents people from sticking with anything for long periods of time and then add the burden of acknowledging weaknesses in counseling. Add a diagnosis of an incurable mental illness into the mix and it's a recipe for rejecting help.