BPDFamily.com

Hi. I'm sure this will all sound very familiar. I'm in a relationship with a BP. This is the third time round. But now I feel completely overwhelmed. I've tried so hard but it's coming to a head again. I care about her so much but every time I'm with her it gets me down. im now scared to be in my house with her on my own. For fear of rages where I can say nothing right. In case it progresses to endless hours of suicide threats. Trying to get sharp objects of her etc. I try to limit time around my kids because Im worried about her influence and what she might do. Yet I can't bring myself, or even totally convince myself that I want to get out. It's getting me so down I just want to sit and cry all the time. I could possibly deal with it all If it wasn't the constant lies. Mostly small stuff, and nothing serious confirmed. But there are so many "coincidences" that I can't be wrong. Can I?

  Welcome to the boards. I am sorry for all that you have experienced. I felt overwhelmed and even afraid, too, when living with my udxGF.

Have you had a chance to read through the lessons? I see that you have posted on the Staying board, so have you had a chance to read about the communication techniques for attenuating conflict and escalated confrontations?

Suicidal threats are very serious. How have you been managing those? I didn't have to deal with any suicidal threats. I dealt more with dysphoric ideations about dying young.

I've not looked at the lessons here. I've read the walking on eggshells book. And I try. But it's so hard to avoid a trigger. I know I'm doing it but can't stop. I think I'm more at the leaving stage - ignorance caused the thread to go in the wrong place. Having said that, I haven't said I want to leave, but we are arguing about the relationship just now. Suicide threats - I do all the wrong things. Panic. Try to help. Let her back in etc. I know it.

But to be honest, the last few weeks I've been doing quite well at the communication. The problem I have is the lying. It doesn't stop. And that's making me want to leave but I don't know how without experiencing hell for who knows how long

Well, it's a good time to learn and get lots of practice.  When I first started on the lessons it seemed like I got lots of opportunity to practice them as we had something going on frequently.  Eggshells book is good, but the Lessons will really help you remove your part of the dance and increase your odds of having normallish conversations more often.

Validation can really help keep conversations from going to crazy places.  I would start there.

Boundaries can help protect you when things do start to get out of hand. 

What do you think would happen if you told her you would call 911 if she threatens suicide, and then actually followed through and did it?

When she is really dysregulated, what would happen if you had a boundary set up that you would not take part in those kind of conversations and that you would not leave her permenently, but you would leave the room if it happens?

Think I'm past this now. i have no trust. I fear for my safety and for my kids from a previous. Everything is so messed up. I've told her it's over. Cue madness... .