BPDFamily.com

 :help:
Let me get things started.

My Girlfriend of one year is the most amazing person in my life. But she really suffers with quite severe BPD.

There has been loads of projecting on me. She is very insecure about her looks. The only thing I can do is reassure her that I don't think what she says she knows i think. For example "I know you think I'm fat, I know you think I'm ugly" or "You make me feel so fat and ugly" or the worst is "I know you wish I was skinny, and I know you like tall blonde skinny girls with blue eyes".

I have never said anything remotely close to any of this. It got so bad that we saw a child in the grocery store and she said I was looking at her and wish i could have sex with her. After that, I was scared to walk in public with my eyes up - It was really bad. Even then, she would tell me that I noticed them and that I'm a pervert.

Basically in her splitting, she gets really angry with me - she says that I am stupid, a loser, that I'm ugly, that nobody loves me and they just take advantage of my kindness, That I'm lazy, that I'm not going  anywhere in life, that I'm the worst piece of sh*t on the planet - riddled with tons of insults and swear words, that I'm spoiled and have everything handed to me (despite 3 very real jobs over the past year which I applied for and interviewed for, and I feel like I need to pat myself on the back, because all she does is bring me down but I honestly excelled at them).

on top of the emotional abuse, she has also been physically abusive, punching, scratching (I now have a large scar across my cheek) biting...

Between these, I am the sweetest guy in the world, the most helpful guy etc.

She has dumped me 15 times or so in the last week, when I asked for a pause in communication she started saying how she is going to start texting all these guys, sending them dirty pictures etc. She even downloaded a dating app and used it for half a day which really hurt me...

Lately she has been controlling of me, she doesn't want me to go swimming in my backyard and will leave me if she has the slightest thought that I have, she doesn't want me to spend time with my family (I get 20-30 minutes at dinner time, and that is asking a lot if I'm not fast), she doesn't want me to spend time with my friends even if I said she inspired me to reach out to strengthen some of my friendships since she harps on them being non-existent. She doesn't want me to drink (I enjoy one beer a day...) or smoke cannabis (She does as well, we just aren't together during the pandemic, and I live in Canada so it's completely legal).

But now I am feeling pressure from my family and my friends. It is starting to affect every relationship in my life.

When i tell her I want balance she laughs and says it is stupid.

I started seeing a therapist because it was starting to affect my mental health.

This DEEPLY offended her. She thinks all I did was talk PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) about her - It is not true. I wanted to cope with my feelings that she was giving me. It is seriously starting to affect my mental health and making me depressed.

Because of this she dumped me. I know that she does it a lot, but I think that this time is serious. Her family grounds her sometimes, so maybe she will talk things over with them.

The worst part of all of this is she blames everything, and I mean everything and every issue on me, saying how bad of a person I am, that I'm a very very bad person..
I am not going to stop with my therapy sessions because they helped me - but she doesn't care. She only thinks I was talking PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) about her and says all I do is talk PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm) about her to those around me.

I just needed to vent - I feel lost - I don;t want to lose her. She keeps telling me to change, that I'm not the guy she fell in love with... And i'm starting to feel different. I'm feeling shy and scared in every aspect of my life now. This is really affecting me.

Your GF has a severe personality disorder. Your emotional response should be in lieu of that. Knowing this information, should in hindsight, lessen your emotional turmoil.

Out of sheer curiosity. Where do you draw the line? What would she need to do, for you to lose interest in her?
Cutting out friends and family is quite sad...

I would definitely draw the line at her cheating on me. She has threatened it many times but I know she wouldn't.

I know it is severe, I didn't know about this emotional disorder until a few months ago though.

I had known nothing about it - and I just want to educate myself on it to try and understand the thought patterns. I want to try to make myself better for her but it almost seems impossible.

Maybe I am triggering her too much. I was extremely calm. I only ever told her what she did to me.
But maybe that was too much to handle and maybe its better if she leaves me.

This is a good time to take a breather, and do something for yourself. Don't spend all day thinking about this. Talk to some friends, chill with family. Do something you've wanted to do.

Study yourself and your emotions. Gain self knowledge from this otherwise painful moment.


It's not you dude. And it's not here either. It's just the nature of this mental health issue. Don't take things she does/says too personally.

Thanks man. I know the real her and I love her, I just need to separate the real her from her disorder. I know I have a lot to work on, and clearing my mind will help me.

Thanks for the support.