BPDFamily.com

I'm currently separated and my wife cheated on me last year. Anyway, initially after my wife started seeing a therapist, my wife contacted her affair partner, told him what she was doing wasn't healthy, he told her she was crazy and f'ed up in the head and then she blocked him everywhere. Today, I noticed that they were friends again. Now, my wife and I are separated, but I was hoping that with therapy, etc. we would eventually be able to work through things. I confronted her today, she says she didn't like the way that she ended things with her AP and said they were friends and that it was none of my business essentially and that she already talked to her therapist about it. Hearing this, I dug deeper, and she stated that basically that after dealing with things internally, with her therapist, and her bpd group(facebook group with other bpd individuals) she's found that she doesn't need to come to me for help and has found that she doesn't miss me. Hearing this was a total gut check to me and just crushed me. We have been together for about 14 years and have to children. I know I should be stronger, but this literally just took the wind right out of my sails.

wow.

how had things been going until this? was this a 180?

Well it just really caught me off guard, yes I'd say quite the 180. Just a couple weeks ago we were doing well and intimate for the entire week. Talking together for hours at a time, etc. It definitely affects me more than it seems to affect her. I just can't bounce around with emotions and intimacy like that. She can be impressionable and I'm a bit worried this bpd group is influencing her. Its not moderated or anything, just kinda a free for all for others with bpd.

it does seem like there might be more driving this beneath the surface.

do you think something is going on that might have spurred it? do you think she will come around?

I do think that something triggered it, however what that is is hard to say since she no longer let's me in on that stuff. Unfortunately, its out of my control I guess.

have you heard from her or spoken to her since?

I gave it a little while to stew before talking again. I asked questions again and found that she did not actually talk to her therapist about this. She feels that I am bad for her mental health because when I'm around it makes her feel bad. When I asked why she was playing with re-entering this unhealthy relationship, she said I just wouldn't understand. And she's right. We have children together, I'm the one that brings her to the hospital when she's feeling suicidal, I handled the setting up of the therapist and care for her well-being. Her AP is a criminal, drug addict, and abusive person(just facts, I'm not trying to be mean). We are literally opposites. The only thing that would possibly make sense is something like him being her Favorite person or trauma bonding or something along those lines.

what do you want to do?