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So the last couple of days I have been doing well, then last night I had a vivid dream/nightmare. Dreams are hard to recall, but I was working in an office with my ex. When she nipped out, I took her phone and ran out to look for evidence of her cheating while she was with me. I found none. She caught up with me and I confronted her. She admitted it with a big smile. I pinned her to a wall and was about to hit her and I woke up. I know that not knowing the truth about her cheating or when she met my replacement is still troubling me, and I do wish I had been much more suspicious.

It's just a dream but it shook me up - it felt like NC was broken and today was tough. I cant tell anyone this, it sounds ludicrous. Has anyone else had unsettling dreams about there exes?

I had numerous but I remember one that said to my exgf's mum that she (my exgf) is a slut and she said yes but she is a 'good slut' :-) I thought it was a funny dream.

In another one she was putting me down and trying to control me (literally on the floor) pushing me down as I was trying to get up. I was getting extremely upset in my dream and while I was dreaming this I punched her while I was asleep in reality. She was next to me and we both woke up from the impact. That was scary. I realised that there was a lot of anger brewing in me so I left the next day and broke up with her... .otherwise things could have gotten nasty.

I think it's the unconscious way to process and make peace with things that trouble us. In some cases that involves venting repressed anger e.g. maybe that is the purpose of about to hit your gf in your dream.

Yes I do Camuse. I often wake with a vivid dream of my ex. Not bad dreams just being there with him.  Although Im doing all the things I need to move to full detachment, the reality is I was left while still very much in love with him.  I think its okay to acknowledge that I will always carry that love bc for me it was genuine. All the learning aside.  The subconscious cant suppress that.  Why dreams remain.

I woke up this morning at 4 A.M. from a nightmare that pertains exactly to what is going on in my life today.  I had a horrible panic attack that was so debilitating I had to have an emergency meeting with my mental health providers.  I am still feeling the effects of it right now  and it's awful. I'm reliving last summer's trauma all over again.  This is beyond a nightmare.

Its not uncommon to have dreams or nightmares about the BPD in your life; I did for a couple of years after divorcing mine.

I would have nightmares about him killing me, and me just standing there letting him kill me!

Finally my counselor suggested that in those nightmares that I get up and run away, which caused them to finally stop.