BPDFamily.com

Hi,
my uBDP wife initiates talks about divorce basically every 3-4 days when she “flips over” to being “her nasty self”. After iz passes, which is normally after a couple
of hours, she is all nice, planning ahead with me, as if nothing has happened. Off course, important bit is that I have learned not to “bite the bate” meaning that I never escalate those divorce talks and never let it hurt my ego etc. Basically she talks trash and blames me for all that is wrong bla bla. But I just look down and let her vent and do some house work etc.

What’s puzzling me, and what I have no balls to try (we have a 10yo son and I will stand whatever is needed for him), is to discuss her divorce proposals and trash talk while
she is “her nice self”.
Did anyone try that? What is the reaction? Does it trigger a BDP episode, or do they just dismiss it in some way?

Because if we would really to divorce, I would make it shure that we discuss it while she is OK.

Have you ever tried letter her vent in private? 

If so, did that go better or worse than sitting there and taking it?

Best,

FF

A truism that has been noted here is, "If it has been threatened or even just contemplated, it will happen given enough time."

This applies to a variety of behaviors.  In your case, and mine and others, it was the extreme emotional swings and demands of divorce.

That quote also applies when conflict rises to a higher level... threats or contemplation of unsubstantiated (subdued courtspeak for false) allegations of DV or child abuse.  Yes, it happens, all too often in our sort of cases.  I faced both above scenarios.