BPDFamily.com

Hello All... .First I need to say I dont know if my partner of almost 3 years has BPD but something isnt right for sure. I am a very independent professional single mom who is usually strong and would usually tell someone like my partner to kiss off, but I cant bring myself to do it.   He goes from sweet and loving and affectionate one minute to grumpy b___y and sarcastic with no warning.  Usually it happens if we are out somewhere and in his words I flirt and look at all the men.  I can literally stare at the wall and he will find someone Im flirting with 75% of the time whether it be someone my own age or a teenage busboy in a restaurant.  

Hos latest meltdown today was after a pleasant morning together we ran to 2 jobs of mine so I could speak with customers.  He waited in the car like always which is how I appreciate it so I dont look unprofessional bringing my boyfriend to a jobsite.  Leaving the first loction I walked out of the customers businees and found my boyfriend aitting on a bench outside the door.  Ok whatever.  The ride to the next job was small remarks about the older assistant of my customers interaction with me- the man was at least 30years older than me.  

2nd jobsite is a private home I had to go in and go over some pricing-- parked my vehicle just south of the homes driveway because there was no open spot right in front of home due to trash day pickup.  Inside the home for 15 minutes my cell rings and hes asking if Im done then  hangs up on me when I say almost. I walk out the door obviously flustered and trying to compose myself enough to thank my customer and theres my vehicle moved up against the trash for pickup and hes sitting there watching me walk out. I get in ask him why he moved and the fight is on that I was deep insude the house couldnt be seen amd theres no reason for it and on and on... .My final words in the car after a 10 minute yelling match were get medicine you need help your jealousy has destroyed us and we have no connection left.  This same acenario has happened over and over and over different  triggers but always the same drama and content.  

He will now be cold and distant and act like I dont exist for about 2 -3 days then he'll look at me with victim puppy dog eyes and give me a hug and be back to normal.  I used to get absolutely destroyed by this pattern, now I do my nest to functio  even though ots not very good and I ignore him other than basic comments I have to make to him since we live together with my 11 year old in my home.   There are so many examples of this behavior... .I try to read every article I can find to justify in my mind what is wrong with him and Im so confused by all of the symptoms that I think hes one thing then I read another amd think hes that.

He is of the opinion that Im a whore and he will not tolerate it Md I am the entire problem of this relationship and there is no way to help me with my odd behavior.  I know I am not at all the problem so his saying this things doesnt matter to me about the person I know I am.  I can say absolutely that I am super faithful to him dont evem look at other guys to avoid drama with him and sit faving walls at restaurants and look at floor walking through people.  

He works for me I contract him for jobs I desperately need his help on and he cannot take instruction from me I always have to play meek and unsure when asking if he thinks something meeds done, he constantly walks of jobs of mine with attitude and does crappy work most of the time if hes mad- the rest of the time hes a god send on the work he does when its good.  I just need to make my heart catch up to my head and realize how toxic are situation is but I keep hoping hea just atressed & really cares and doesnt men to shut off when hes mad... .

He has unbelievable mood swings- fine and happy the a geump all within a commercial break on t.v. Or he starts being rude and impatient and again b___y if hes hungry and is just intolerable until he eats something.  His world stops so that he eats at least 3-4 times a day amd nothing else mAtters until he is fed.  His behavior is ateocious he thinks its amazing to birp as loud as he can in the other room or pass gas all over the place at home with no care.  Last uear he was mad that I stared watching soms of anarchy because it makes me violent the  he hated orange is the new black because it is violent and to much girl activity.  I know in my brain this has to be over but I have to find some way to justify to me what his actions are from and that hes not saveable for me.  I tey to tell him to get out and I give in and ask him to stay then of course he lectures me again on my failure as a partner because I do loose it and go off o n him when we argue because everything he says is so irrational and not true.  

Hello, Strongerthanthis & *welcome*

I'm so sorry for the frustration and confusion you are having to deal with; it's so hurtful when we have to try to figure out what the heck is going on sometimes in our relationship with someone with BPD (or BPD traits). Have you had the chance to read the links to the right-hand side of this page? The Lessons are very helpful in giving you a good understanding of why your partner acts the way he does, and there are some great communication tools that can help you to learn how to make things better... .Whether you end up staying together or not, learning what is in those links can help you get a handle on your situation.

What you are describing sounds very familiar to those of us on this Board; having a Significant Other with BPD really has its ups and downs, and never knowing just what is going to happen until it happens is pretty typical. You are in the right place for commiseration and understanding, and for tips on what to do... .This Article: Article 1: How a Borderline Personality Disorder Love Relationship Evolves (https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves) can give you the insights you are looking for, as well as this one: Article 4: Take the First Step Toward Improving Your Relationship (https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a104.htm)

I'm very glad you found us, Strongerthanthis, and hope you have the chance to read all you can on this site, and tell us more of your story and ask your questions... .It really can help, and we would love to help you