BPDFamily.com

I havent posted in a long time. My BPD heroin addict  daughter, 24, has left me with the most beautiful, sweet, 18 month old baby boy. She and her heroin addict husband are both in rehab-her 8th time. I would like to spend all my money... .& I just got a decent inheritance-and travel, drink, and even start smoking cigarettes again. I don't care if I die. But in a twisted twist of fate I have to keep myself healthy so I can raise this wonderful boy. It's just not fair!

I wish I could see my grandson! Has this site help you?

I don't know. I really needed to blast that thought out there& this is a safe place to do it. I guess I should be very grateful I can see my grandson but I want some breathing room. It's all about his needs-he's a baby! And then her needs- she's my emotionally ill duaughtee. Then my husband is pissed I don't have time for him. What about me?

Hi PaulaJeanne,

I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your situation and for how desperate you are feeling.  You are right... .YOU deserve a life just as much as anyone else.  You are to be commended beyond words for stepping up to look after your beautiful grandson.  All I can say is, try to find the joy in the moment when you are with this innocent little soul.  I may soon find myself in a similar position as my BPDdd20, is pregnant right now, will have no support from the baby's father or his family if she goes ahead with the pregnancy. 

I doubt that I helped, but I just wanted to say, I hear you, I care, and I want to applaud you for being there for your grandchild even though this is not how you saw your life going.  You are that little boy's hero.    MM

My heart goes out to you, PaulaJeanne.  My grandchildren are now 26/28 and when both of them were born it was under dark clouds.  My husband and I jumped in and became their surrogate parents over many years of drama caused by our (undiagnosed but highly probably) BPD daughter.

Yes, we put our lives on hold for these precious little ones.  I can well remember my roller-coaster of emotions... .joy because of the love I felt for them... .sadness because of the world they were born into... .fear when our daughter would threaten to severe ties with us... .anger that we had to put our lives on hold.  Many times I would hold my grandbaby in my arms and have a smile on my face and tears in my eyes.

In retrospect I wish I had been more able to concentrate on the joy they brought me in those formative years.  When we had our own children, we were young and struggling to keep a roof over our heads and although their first steps, their first words, their first whatevers were noticed and celebrated... .when those milestones were mastered by the grandchild, it really was observed with much more awe... .more time to marvel at how a baby works to learn.

So, PaulaJeanne, I DO validate your feelings and good that you have this forum to voice your feelings and not be judged.  It is not fair what you are being put through.  You've raised your child.  Your adult child is then to raise his/her own children while your role is to be a loving, doting grandmother.  Life is not fair! 

There are some things you just cannot change but you can work on changing how you look at them.  One of my mantras is "Oh well!"... .and then I try to put one step in front of the other.  Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to do that.

You'll get through this, PaulaJeanne.  Take comfort in knowing you are being heard and you are not alone.  Keep posting!