BPDFamily.com

It's been a while since I last posted. I don't know why exactly, I guess it's hard posting things. I find it hard to speak up and let things out, well my psychologists suggested I should try anyway. I've never left the board, though. I kept reading all these great advices and they have helped me a lot. My eternal gratitude for that.

I did fine for a few weeks after the official breakup (end of july and it was the second time we broke up in total). The relief that it was over and the torment and the lies were out of my life after all those years of knowing her was great at first. However, that changed a day or two before my birthday, august 21st. I started to lose grip of reality a bit. I started having pain on my chest again, because I felt so stressed and it as not lessened yet. From that moment on I tried to remember everything she did, but it was no use. I'd reminisce about the good times anyway, if they were real at all.

To be honest, I can't really tell what was real anymore. What did she lie about and what was the truth in the 3,5 years I knew her. On the saturday she would call me her rock, she'd call me special and how she missed me during our break, and the next that all changed. She told me how she needed some time for herself, because she needed to love herself again before entering a relationship with me. She wanted to start fresh and hoped I'd wait for her. After a couple of weeks of devaluation she'd leave me and completely remove me out of her life. The last time she put me on the bench while trying to win back her ex (and cheated on me during that period) and I'm sure she did the same now. She might still be with him - as I haven't heard from here since - or she might've ditched him again and gone to someone new.  

I don't really know my point of the story. I guess partly I'm trying to write it off my chest, but also I'd like to know if the pain lessens over time? I don't see anything clearly anymore. I somehow feel guilty as well, as if it was my fault, as if I could've done better. On top of all that it feels "wrong" to feel this way and I'm a little ashamed, because there so much more worse things that are happening to other people. In the end we only had two short relationships of a couple of months. But it feels so much longer as she tried to seduce me over such a long period of time (which she calls  friendship). Wish I started to feel better, but instead the urge to break NC and ask how she's doing increases.

We broke up at the end of July as well. I'm realising my negative emotions come and go in waves. Make sure you don't give in to the craving. What would you advise someone else in a situation like this? You'd probably tell them to not go back. Someone who's cheated on you, isn't worth it.

Today was a bad day for me, but yesterday, as I was doing something fun with a group of friends (and kind of feeling sad too) I suddenly decided that he wasn't going to spoil my weekly fun night out. I was going to enjoy it, no matter what!

So you see, it comes and it goes. Keep your eyes on the main goal: do not go back! Move on, step by little step.

You can have all these emotions of grief, guilt, unclarity, as long as you just feel them and do nothing to alleviate them immediately. They WILL pass eventually and you'll still be on your way to recovery.

Good luck to you, hang in there!

Hi

Its been about twenty months for me and throughout that time there were many court cases(family court) the pain subsides... :) it really does... .Take it from me, I was so shocked when I first heard she was having an affair I ended up in the hospital twice for anxiety (just an overnight stay) so Im living proof that the pain does in fact go away.

It comes and goes...

I have learned so much in such a short period of time -

Yes, the pain subsides, but in the meantime, use it.  As you shift the focus from her to you and from the past to the future, and use that pain as motivation, and start taking steps in the direction you want your life to go, initially just as a distraction, it will eventually become just your life.  My experience is by going consciously in the direction you choose, the past and the pain fades, but the motivation pushes, and then pulls, you into a new life that is better than before you met her, in fact you may even be grateful for the relationship when you stop one day and acknowledge how great your life has become.  One foot in front of the other my friend, and take care of you!

Thank you for your support. I'll just try to keep muddling through. I guess in part it's because she was my first with everything. I've never had much success with women and then she came along. I'll try to continue taking this moment as an upportunity to address some of the anxiety issues I've been dealing with all these years.