BPDFamily.com

So.  Having a normal text conversation with my BPD wife.  Then it went south and she start talking lawyer.  Here is the conversation:  (My wife has been gone 4 months now and comes over to help with my special needs son)

Wife:  I won't be there Friday so you can go to your Black Belt workout.
Me:    Ok, I'll figure something out or miss it.  I thought you had said you'd watch him for Black Belt workouts?
Wife:  Really?
Me:    I just need help to do my stuff too.
Wife: I get it Gadget but if you want to fight about it then we will.  I already am driving there early for baths and there almost every Sunday for Karate.  I just asked you to get Respite care and get some financial help and you don't.
Me:   I am not fighting.  I will figure it out myself.
Wife: I am so frustrated Gadget.  I don't understand you.  And I did watch him the last time for Black Belt and becuse this time I don't want to, I get this PLEASE READ (https://bpdfamily.com/safe-site.htm).  I'm done.  Do not ask my dad either.  He is an old man.  I guess we need to sit down with a lawyr and figure this out.
Me:   Why?  I'm only asking for the help you previously said you'd do.  He's your son too.  I'm not asking for anything outside what we previously discussed and you'd agreed to.
Wife:  Do you understand that in a year he is going to need full time care?  WHo is going to do that Gadget ?
Me:   2 years.  And yes I understand that.  And I will figure it out.  Why get a lawyer?  I've done nothing towards you to deserve that.
Wife:  We are seperated and before it gets ugly we need everything in writing.  I don't want to fight but financially I am ruined and struggling.  To add to the stress you throw in "He is your son too" in there.  I am trying but I am F'ing tired emotionally and physically.  And it is only 1 year.
Me:  I know we are seperated and I'm sorry its financially hard for you.  I don't ever want it to get ugly.  I wasn't trying to stress you out with our Son comment.  He just needs you and your time. And it is 2 years.  He will be in school when he turns 26, so he will be allowed to continue from the 2020 to 2021 school year.  I don't want to fight with you.  That never ever was my intention.  I am just trying to get by as best I can and not fight with you.
Wife:  Ok

What the heck?  Did I say something SO wrong?  Is this common?

Ugh!

Any input would be greatly appreciated

Gadget

my take is that this was a moment of frustration between two people whom are separated.

she escalated fairly quickly, and vented her frustration, some of which didnt have to do with you. maybe it was a bad day.

you ended well. she got back to baseline. it was a good recovery.

all things considered, things got heated, but didnt break down completely. sometimes, in these cases, thats the best you can hope for.

Thanks for your input once removed!

I'm glad I did OK in that situation.  I just had therapy today too.  And my T is happy with how well I'm doing/coping.  Even made it sound like come back if you want, but it isn't needed.  I will still continue to go.

I also asked my T how Compassion Fatigue is treated.  She said the treatment is similar to PTSD treatment.

Thanks again!  Makes me feel better that I didn't do so bad :)

Gadget

Hi Gadget,

Sometimes they just blindside us with these things out of the blue.  It's almost like they are waiting for us to react in a negative manner.  Looks like you did a good job at the end of cooling things down!  Yay for you.

Sorry things are so difficult for you, especially because of your ds.   :hug:

SH4

Howdy SH4!

I feel that way too.  Like they are looking for anything that they can lash out at us for.  Glad ya'll think I did good in cooling it down.  She usually does cool down after I get to speak and say my piece.  She always jumps to the most negative/worst outcome before I can get my whole story out.

Thanks for the well wishes.  I'm doing fine.  Getting stronger each day.  Haven't had any sadness breakdowns lately.

I got this!  :)

Gadget

 :wee: This is great to hear!   :hug: