BPDFamily.com

Situation goes:
My ex has BPD as well as BiPolar Disorder. I broke up with her like 2 months ago. Before this, we had been together for 5 years. I broke up with her because I was going through stuff, but I regret my decision. However, it wasn’t really a break up. We actually got closer.I got closer to her and her family. Plus we had sex for the first time during that breakup.

However, during this time I believe she’s been idealization some other guy. This other guy is not looking for a relationship, and he’s made it clear to her that he’s not. I don’t want her being taken advantage of. 

I want to know how to get her back. I tell her she’s painted me black, but she doesn’t listen. She’s not as romantic as before with me. She used to be very in my face & wants to see me all the time. We occasionally have sex still, so I do believe she still loves me, but I want her back like before, also in a relationship with me. Also, note that she has new girl friends that are influencing her & she mimics them to the dot. I want to know how I get her back. Right now, we’re “friends” and she says she wants to stay single.

Hi hoould5917 and *welcome*

Blurry "breakups" can happen in a BPD relationship, as many members here can relate. You're not alone here.


What was going on for you?

How did she respond when you communicated to her that you wanted to break up?


That's a hard position to be in -- to have initiated the breakup, and then to have her telling you she doesn't want to get back together. Not a great hand to be dealt -- but it is what it is, and you can work with it.

The key is probably going to be, as counterintuitive as it sounds, working on yourself and changing yourself.

Whatever the dynamic was between the two of you when you were together, something wasn't working -- the relationship broke. Going back to that with no change on either side means you may just repeat the past.

The only person in this dynamic you can change is yourself -- not her. While there's no guarantee of "just work on your own mental wellness and you'll be rewarded with her returning", it's the only change you have 100% control over.

Have you had a chance to check out our article on What Does it Take to Be in a Relationship (https://bpdfamily.com/content/what-does-it-take-be-relationship) yet? Read it over and let us know what stood out to you. Relationships with pwBPD aren't always intuitive, so it's important to learn new, healthier approaches if you want a reconnection to have any chance.

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Are you in any kind of counseling or therapy right now?