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Title: Back here after four months Post by: anyplacesafe on January 16, 2017, 10:08:04 AM Hi all. It's been a while but I'm back (hey Woolspinner2000 !)
You may remember me - I have a BPD mother and was really struggling in the run-up to my wedding. Well, the wedding went well & things seem to be okay, I thought my mum was respecting my new boundaries and so on. But it's like - flies on food, or a buzzing in the room, or a sense of cold air coming under a door. She's going back to her old ways. I am so exhausted and unready to deal with that! Title: Re: Back here after four months Post by: Naughty Nibbler on January 16, 2017, 11:25:20 AM Hi Anyplacesafe:
Congrats on the wedding! I'm so glad that you mom didn't ruin it. I went into a "forgive and forget" mode with my uBPD sister. It didn't take long for me to be painted black again (likely never left the black mode, just reduced in intensity for a few weeks). The harsh reality for most of us will be that the BPD behaviors won't disappear. They may take a vacation and be tamed for a period of time. Boundaries will always be important for you. You will need to be consistent in enforcing them, and will need to keep modifying some and then create new ones. What are some of her current unpleasant behaviors? Title: Re: Back here after four months Post by: Woolspinner2000 on January 18, 2017, 08:18:20 PM Hey Anyplacesafe!
Nice to see you back! Yes, unfortunately a pwBPD struggles to self regulate, usually at the cost of those around them. As you saw through the wedding planning, desperate times of self regulating were quite encompassing for you. What types of things do you see happening right now, and why do you think she is struggling (which in turn causes you to struggle and scramble to make sense of it all)? Please tell me how you have grown and what you have been learning since you were last here! Wools Title: Re: Back here after four months Post by: catlady6 on January 19, 2017, 02:11:13 PM I'm so sorry-- it's so awful to think a BPD has recovered and then see them go back to the old patterns.
Has your mom gotten therapy? Is she on medication? If you have a calm moment with her, maybe suggest an inpatient facility or an outpatient program where she's occupied? I feel like some BPD behaviors start because the person is bored or wants attention. giving in and giving them the attention they want-- be it fighting or consoling them or whatever-- seems like it encourages the behavior they do :/ if she starts being inappropriate again, maybe consider pulling back contact-wise until the behavior stops. (Of course that depends on your own comfort level... i know how hard it can be to do that... ) currently dealing with something similar. i wish you the best. i hope things get better for you. |