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I just want to know if sending my exBPD gf a song would be a good idea. its a love song. it really captures everything i feel about her and im really having a hard time not letting her know. within the month shes let me know that she loves and misses me and keeps in regular contact a few times a week and has generally always responded to all my texts. ive been more fun and playful with most of my communication but lately i feel this to be fake as i have alot weighing heavy on my heart about us. i guess im just wondering how more than likely shed react and if i should just send the song in a text with no explanation or maybe a small one? idk just unsure and scared of rejection i suppose.

Hey!

First of all let me tell you that I've been there. I know how you must feel, it can be excruciating.

Actually your question has to do with something I thought about writing something about earlier, but I will use the opportunity to do so here. It might help you.

Please don't get me wrong, I am writing from my perspective, my situation and how things went for me. In no way do I mean to discourage you. Although the disorder is making people act in pretty specific ways... .things can always be different for everybody. So I will try to stick to the general idea.

Earlier this year I was in a very similar situation as you. We texted each other from time to time, but it was not very "fulfilling" for me, since I also tried to keep up a happy mask... .which didn't match my feelings or my situation at all.

One of my best friends is a psychiatrist. He helped me tremendously with the entire situation (on a side note... .he dated a BPD girl himself a couple of years ago  lol.)

I often asked him... .I want to send her this letter, or this text or this song. What do you think? Should I? What will happen?

His answer always was to the effect of:

If you have something weighing on your heart, tell her. It is your right. You are not an obsessive person and you sure don't have anything mean to say to her. It is your right to voice your feelings, especially if your goal is the best for the two of you. I'm not able to tell you what her reaction will be, or if you might not even get one. But that is not the point, the point isn't to strategize now. You can't control it (she can't either.)

At the time I felt kind of left alone, as if he just didn't want to talk anymore.

But it showed to be a very good and heartfelt advice.

In my case:

It didn't end well. But I had voiced my feelings. I had tried. She had all the info she needed to make a "decision." And although I never got closure, I at least know that I told her the things I wanted to.

And in the bigger picture he was right: She gave me an answer. Her actions that happened later... .were her answer. What if we had stayed together because I wouldn't have voiced these things? It would have gone down the drain regardless, in our case at least. Even if not... .I would have carried that weight on my shoulders of having these unvoiced feelings within me for the rest of my life.

I think you are scared of rejection, yes. Which was my biggest fear too.

You know her better than me, and your situation. Maybe add a sentence, something short, not too heavy.

You know... .with all the fears I had etc... .in retrospect I don't think a single text or song I sent her or didn't sent her made a difference in the big picture. Good or bad.

I hope this helps a bit. 

A bit more bluntly... .:)

If you don't send it, you will torture yourself with the question if you should have.

If you do send it... .you will wait for a reply. Or maybe be disappointed by her reaction.

You can't control her or her reactions. What you can control is yourself and your actions.

And I think it is okay to tell her how you feel, especially since I think you could probably write her 50 pages about it, but rather chose to send her a song.

If you send it... .try to not have too specific expectations in terms of a response. As you have surely learned by now they can be pretty unpredictable. So... .try to focus on yourself, that is what you can control.

Chasing,  if you really believe she fits in the category of BPD -- the sooner you close the door the better.  I certainly agree with other posts here about freedom to express yourself... .to find closure.   And remember "Chasing Ghosts" will not bring relief from your pain.  The sooner you close this door and move on the better.  If its really BPD -- let it go. There is a whole other life with a healthy and real person waiting for you somewhere.   

"Freedom is what

you do

with what's been

done to you."   

-Jean-Paul Sartre