BPDFamily.com

Hi,
For those how read my previous thread i talked a bit about how i should be able to go on my planned Scuba trip.
I was right, she did anything to destroy these plans she yelled, raged and hit me a couple of times, throw out my scuba gear in the evening and so on.

This was the best thing that could have happened. At 11pm i ran for the car and left, she was right behind me yelling at me all kind of crazy things. I got in and left and soon my phone started to ring, it was my mom. In that moment i knew that everyone had seen and heard what was going on.

We live in quite a small town and some of our neigbors is my cousin and my brother. My brother tried to call me and my cousin called mom and told her what was going on.

When i picked up i told her everything that had been going on except for the physical abuse for some reason. And she told me that they had sensed it was something not right. Also my cousin had heard us several times when she has been throwing around furnitures and so on.

And all of them has been a great support since that moment.

My mom tried to talk with my wife the day after asking what was going on. She did like she always do and said it was all my fault. How stupid i've been and so on. After that visit she now cut out all contact with everyone in my family, our neighbours, she doen't even talk to our neighbors kids anymore. Despite all this i left on my trip and had the best week of my freaked out life! I've been laughing from morning to evening and met some wonderful persons and one girl in particual. Absolutely amazing (nothing happened between us).

This made me realize how sick the situation have been and that i can't through away my life anymore. Now i just will have to get the courage to tell her i want a divorce cause i made up mind. This will be one hell of a ride that's for sure but i feel that i can't stand to even be in the same room as her anymore now when i finally can see it with a bit clearer eyes.

Thank you for listening!

Hey ANL, Seems like you reached your limit, which is a good thing, in my view.  You sound confident about making a change.  You're lucky to have family nearby who care about you.  I suspect that you are going to need their support as you go forward.  How long have you been married?  Do you have children?  What makes you think your W has BPD?  Fill me in, when you can.  LJ

Hi LJ,
Yes i have reached My limit and just feels enough is enough.
We have been married for four years and have two kids s2 and s4 months.
We have been together for 12 years in total and for about 10 years she has been verbally and physicly abusive against me.

The reason why i think she has BPD is the emotional rollercoaster, the circle argumentations, her rage is often way out of proportion, she is a typical i hate you!, don't leave me.

I realized when all this came up to surface that it's not up to me to be responsible for her actions and doings. And this is probably the biggest win for me since i stayed with her since it was up to me to handle all of her emotions and feelings.

Now i just feel that i can't do this and i Will do anything to make sure My kids have a good childhood but it Will not be with their two parents living together.

ANL

Hello again, ANL, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.  Believe me, I've been in your shoes and know exactly what you are talking about.  Like you, I was in an abusive situation with my BPDxW during a 16-year marriage w/kids.  Abuse, in my view, is unacceptable.  Why I tolerated it as long as I did is a question I wrestle with.  What I decided is that I stayed to provide emotional stability for my kids, until it became unmanageable, in similar fashion to your situation.  I suffered in silence for many years and am glad you have let your family know what's really going on.  I admire your courage and get ready for some rough sledding ahead.

LuckyJim

Hi LJ,
Sorry to hear what you been through! It feels a bit better knowing i'm not the first one.
I wrestle with the same feelings and can't understand why i let it go on for soo long.

But now i feel more determed than ever and it feels i worked this through in My head for so long knowing what i have to do!