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I broke NC about a week ago.

We met and few days later... I got a bunch if tears that made me feel guilty as a murderer.

Proceeded carefully... .

Things were going "fine".

She's been very accommodating...

But I could STILL feel like something does not sit right. Its a nagging feeling.

Today I met her at her job... .she told me she was becoming Very I'll. She's tired, has a headache ad also told me she had a business 'proposition" "Meeting" she had to go to a 6pm.

She texted me from her house saying she felt like she had to vomit. All she wanted to do was go to bsleep. She hoped the "meeting" wouldn't last long.

All of a sudden at 6pm she calls me... I answer... all I hear is fumbling on the other end... .to the point I realize... .SHE DOESNT KNOW SHE DIALED MY PHONE BY ACCIDENT.

I hear her get into some guys car. Talking about her job. I heard her say "That's the place where I work!" As they drove by.

I hear her laughing and chatting.

I hear them exit the car and walk... I hear music... .

One thing us for sure, she doesn't sound like she wants to vomit or that she's sick and has a headache.

This went on for an hour before she fumbled with the phone and ended the call.

That was over an hour ago and I've heard nothing... .Nothing but my own gut telling me how much of a fool I feel.

And yet... .I still wonder if I'm wrong.

Cause she will blame me for breaking up with her... .and breaking HER heart... .like *I'm The Bad Guy"

Why am I scared of her?

Why dont I listen to my own gut?

hey johnnyshoes 

im really sorry to hear youre going through this. overhearing by phone call must have been confusing and anxiety inducing.

i too, heard about the aches and pains and maladies that did not seem to exist when i wasnt present. this is complicated because i firmly believe its not some scam, and while there is probably a strong psychological component since it seems to only occur in our presence, im sure this person physically feels these things too. you might read the article we have here on how a borderline relationships evolves, as it specifically mentions this phenomenon.

you can read it here: https://bpdfamily.com/content/how-borderline-relationship-evolves

"Why am I scared of her? Why dont I listen to my own gut?"

youre scared of her because you dont want to get hurt. what is it, specifically, that your gut is telling you, johnnyshoes?

Hey johnny, It's OK if you decide to recycle.  Many of us (read: me) have done it many times.  I guess I'm a slow learner.  I'm an overachiever and always think I can solve every problem, but BPD proved too complex foe me.  Like you, I ignored my gut feelings.


The reason you don't listen to your gut, I suggest, is because your gut is telling you that something is definitely wrong with this r/s with a pwBPD, yet you aren't ready to acknowledge that, so you convince yourself that things are OK when they are not.  I've been there, my friend.

It's a dangerous path you are following, in my view, so tread carefully and try to figure out what is right for you.  I got lost in the BPD Woods and it wasn't fun, believe me.

LuckyJim

Thanks Lucky Jim... .

Its over - its done.

Last night was the clincher... .

This morning she texted me to return her stuff...

I already had it gathered and dropped it off within that hour.

She continued to text... .so I did not read them, I deleted them.

Then I resorted to blocking her #.

Im not a fan of the push and pull thing...

Or to have the 'Emotional Furniture" of my mind rearranged or abused.

Lastly, I simply couldn't trust her anymore. Her words became just that... .words.

Because too many times her actions and her words were giving me a double message... .

And I dont need to swim in the deep end of uncertainty and confusion.

Hi,

I think she may have dialled you on purpose, if I had done that in error I would check no one was on the other end before hanging up or text them after yo say sorry.

Glad you came to a decision, you deserve so much better