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Title: How do I get some peace? Post by: sonofbpd2017! on June 22, 2017, 09:45:55 AM I am 51 years old and it is clear my mother has BPD as well as other disorders of the mind. After reading the items on this website I understand there is peace ahead, but when.
I need some help breaking through - not loathing myself, seeing the truth, accepting reality and then living with it. I need help. SonofBPD2017! Title: Re: How do I get some peace? Post by: Naughty Nibbler on June 22, 2017, 11:30:38 AM Hey sonofBPD2017!
Welcome to the Community! I'm so sorry that your mom has BPD (and other mental illnesses) and about the effect it has on you. Quote from: sonofBPD2017! I need some help breaking through - not loathing myself, seeing the truth, accepting reality and then living with it. I need help. RADICAL ACCEPTANCE (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=90041.0;all) is a strategy that can help you accept your reality. Do you think your feelings of self-loathing are a result of fear, obligation and guilt that your mom may be imposing on you? The information at the links below should be helpful: FOG (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog) FOG DISCUSSION THREAD (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=82926.0;all) BOUNDARIES: Boundaries are for your benefit, and it is up to you to enforce them. Whether you need to set a boundary now or later, best to be prepared: BOUNDARIES WORKSHOP (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0) BOUNDARIES ARTICLE (https://bpdfamily.com/content/setting-boundaries) EXAMPLES (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=167368.0;all) FIVE SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=122547.0;all) Are there some boundaries you would like to set? Is there a recent event that brought you here? What are some or her behaviors that are most bothersome at this time? There is a lot of helpful information here. Take things a step at a time. Learning certain strategies and communication skills can make things easier for you over time. We look forward to hearing more of your story. *) Title: Re: How do I get some peace? Post by: Peacefromwithin on June 25, 2017, 04:37:43 PM I am 51 years old and it is clear my mother has BPD as well as other disorders of the mind. After reading the items on this website I understand there is peace ahead, but when. I need some help breaking through - not loathing myself, seeing the truth, accepting reality and then living with it. I need help. SonofBPD2017! Nibbler posted some excellent links above. I'm sure you will find them useful. I think many of us have been where you're at. I'm still new but here's what helped me so far: (1) Realizing that my parents are mentally ill (2) Admitting that I can't change them (3) Seeing that nothing of how they act or what they say is my fault (4) Detaching with love (5) Accepting how they act and behave as in knowing that no matter what I do or say won't change them (6) Setting boundaries repeatedly with them (7) Not trusting when they suddenly act "nice" or "normal", because that's usually done out of manipulation to reel me back into their circus (8) Read through the Lessons and Survivor's Guide here ---> (9) Talk things out with a therapist (10) Try not to listen to the messages in your head that say to hate yourself. Tell yourself those are lies put there by mentally ill people (11) Realize you have nothing to feel guilty about by setting boundaries or limiting contact. You are doing it for your peace of mind and survival. (12) Seeing the truth sometimes takes time, so be patient with yourself. Trust your gut. And whatever the truth is, don't lose yourself in the emotions and feelings of it. Just accept it as fact. But at the same time, allow yourself to heal. Title: Re: How do I get some peace? Post by: Roselily on June 28, 2017, 04:02:27 PM Welcome sonofBPD,
Boy do I understand where you're at! I still am looking for peace there. I've forgiven best I can, but suffer from PTSD. It gets worse in summer ... my T and I connected that to being alone with her so much, when school was out for years, and enduring her daily cruel attacks. It started really early on with me, daily ... so it's hard to " forget". I can feel my sadness creeping in... being ending June. August is usually worst... probably when the abuse crescendoed ... at its worst. It's an terrible thing, being a child of a BPD parent. It has caused so much pain, hardship, brokenness and despair.Ive asked God navy times to take me, that this ain't living... However, my mother now at 84, doesn't seem affected... and denies all abusive behaviors. Yes, she may have been sick, but even so... has no remorse for neglect or excessive control tactics, with terrible emotional abuse... It's good we have this place, to know we aren't alone... .in this... . |