BPDFamily.com

So family, tonight is the two month anniversary of me joining this site and i can't thank you guys enough for supporting me. I have been at college for about a week now and im adjusting fine, haha im majoring in chemical engineering so im sure my course load will keep me occupied. Anyway, emotionally im ok but definitely lonely. It's weird moving on with my life and not having my ex in it, but i think im starting to distach from her a bit because the other day i woke up and didnt think about her until about 1/2 an hour after getting up (wish there was a symbol above for milestone). I've met a few people that are nice but i still cant shake a sort of existential sense of loneliness, like for example: i met this nice girl on my second day while eating breakfast. We talked for like two hours and have hung out a few times sense then. It's weird because even though she's obviously just a friend at this point, i feel like im reading BPD traits into her. But I do that with a lot of people now, so i cant really be sure if that's just me being paranoid. I guess that is why i feel a bit lonely. At times it's like the world is full of either BPD individuals who might hurt me or people who dont get it. I know that's not the case but im sure we've all felt that way time to time. Anyway, i hate to leave it on a bad note but i assure you guys im actually a fair deal better sense say, Mid to late august.

Thanks again family,

SG 

Nice to hear you are progressing. I am at my 2 month and 1 week point also and it does feel lighter although I almost feel guilty for her not being in my life if that makes sense.  I feel like I am resisting moving on but let's face it, people move on all the time under way worse circumstances than any of us.

I was angry yesterday because I felt that since she hasn't contacted me and it made me think that she doesn't need me anymore which made me understand that that is what drew me to her in the first place, that she needed me and I was the rescuer. Total white knight syndrome. Sucks and I feel like an idiot, but recognizing it sure helps.

Well the healing process is a subjective experiance so you can't really get on yourself for taking longer or slower than others.


I agree, there is always a certain power in understanding. Haha that's actually the whole point of the quote at the bottom of my posts.

Hi SGraham

Glad to hear your doing so much better.

Its strange when you realise that they weren't the first thought on waking up is it.

Eventually you just settle into life again. The changes can be so slow that you don't notice them.

EM

Great to hear SG.  You are still young in your healing process so I think the "paranoia" makes sense.  We just exited relationships full of emotional turmoil, it makes sense to be on edge.  I am a  year out and I still question peoples motives.  I think we are so worried about entering another relationship (be it intimate or friendly) with someone with a PD we are on high alert.  I think it is fair to say most people exhibit traits of someone with BPD. 

The soundest advice I can give is trust your gut.  Unfortunately in order to start anew we have to invest some of ourselves.  In the early stages of our healing that is scary thought.  Only you can control who gets to know the real you and who doesn't.  If something inside of you doesn't seem right, listen to it.

You seem like you are making progress and that is fantastic.  I wish you well!