BPDFamily.com

I was in a tumultuous relationship with a man with bpd for almost 3 years. We didn’t know what he had until I researched it to death. He was wrongly diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, new therapist agreed it’s bpd. Always so jealous and not trusting me and quick to snap. Things would get really hard but I wanted to stay to “help” him. I did love him so deeply and I felt sorry for his having had a horrible trauma filled childhood. Our relationship got more and more toxic until I got scared and left. He then sent a million terrible texts and phone calls and some pretty serious threats so I had to get an Order of Protection. Now he can’t legally contact me in any way for 2 years or he gets arrested. He has since apologized profusely and begs forgiveness, but I am not allowed to contact him. My heart aches for him from the good times plus I’m worried sick about what he’s going through. He sometimes can’t work and is a severe alcoholic. He has sabotaged all of his relationships and has no one to help him. I cry every day and have to hold myself back from trying to contact him even though I think I make things worse for him. Such a sad saga. I don’t know anyone who’s ever been through this before. Hoping to find others here who can relate.

Good for you not responding. We've had members here violate protective orders they initiated by responding. Are there any repercussions for him for violating the order? Do you feel safe?

It’s definitely a confusing thing for your heart to go through this. They are easy to pity because they play the cards that pull on your heart strings. You deserve better than to be so responsible for all the things he neglects, and to put up with abuse to do it too. It’s totally understandable for someone to end up so screwed up, but you can’t save someone from themselves. Hope you feel better.

Hi Broken,

Thank you so much for reaching out. I am someone who also has a cease and desist order in place - although I suspect that my ex is more on the NPD side of the NPD / BPD spectrum.  She has since moved on and I have not really heard tell of her for two years.  Her ego couldn't take the rejection.

It sounds like you are dealing with something alot more complex. I can most certainly empathize with how hard, gut wrenching for some people, heartbreaking, to watch someone you love hurt themselves so profoundly. 

When we watch someone suffer, it is inevitable that we will suffer too. And suffering can play tricks on us - it can convince us that we've failed somehow, or that we are the cause of the suffering.  I wonder if that is not part of what you may be going through?

What do you think?

Thanks so much for reaching out.  You'll find good support here.

Hang in there.

Reach out again.

Rev

You are spot on! Thank you for responding, very helpful!

Well broken, first...you found the right place. Welcome to the fam. Happy you found us, but truly sorry for the circumstances which led to you to have to seek us out.

With that said...your name...broken. The goal...put humpty dumpty back together again and help you become a better, stronger version of yourself.

So while the pain and the hurt is intense and it feels like it will never leave...it will. You are not the only one to go through this. You will find many have had similar experiences and circumstances to yours here.

Please continue to post and vent and share as much as you want to and ask as many questions as you need to.

In the meantime please be kind to you and please take care of yourself.

Cheers and Best Wishes!

-SC-

Wonderful... in the sense that there is nothing like being seen I always say.

While none of this is fun by any measure, there is healing in knowing that we've seen things correctly. It is what helps up move forward into what life needs to look like for us to be better. 

For sure we wish it could be different - and in some cases, that is just not possible.  And as we grieve that loss, knowing that there are others who get it makes it a little easier at least.

We're all in your corner because someone was in ours before you posted about your story. One day you'll pay this forward.

Hang in there.

Reach out any time.

Rev