BPDFamily.com

I think once they have you hooked they get you to the point of exhaustion.  My uBPDbf and I had a large argument this weekend and I said I was done.  "Give me my money, refinance the mortgage, and I'm gone... . "  That was Sunday.  Then yesterday after I left for work he texts me an apology, blah blah blah.  It when on for about an hour, then again at lunch for a bit.  When he got home he was irritated I hadn't responded to his last text (there was not question in it so it didn't really need a response... . )  Anyways we talked for about an hour around 6pm.

At 11:30 we went to bed, at 2:00am he wakes me telling me he can't sleep and then begins to talk.  I answered a few things, then just listened.  He even brought up getting married... . WHAT?  I was just out the door a day ago are you insane?  I can't even think about that question, let alone answer it.

I don't want to marry him.  What do I say if he asks?

You can say "No" :)

I'm half-joking, but it is true that you do need to reach a point where you are no longer living under the regime of their dominating temper tantrums.

If he asks, maybe say something like, "I care about you a lot.  And I understand that you don't want to lose me.  But I can't... . "  

Then you need to decide if you finish that sentence with "not the way things are... . " and see if he gets help or if you just plan an exit strategy and bail.

Honestly (and you can take this with a grain of salt, because it is your decision not mine), I would never marry the dude... . and I would run.  If you have no kids and aren't married, run.  It will only get worse.  And if there is even the most remote chance of them really facing things, getting help, and improving somewhat over the years, how many years of pain do you want to put yourself (and your potential children) through while there are countless other good men out there looking for a good partner?  I cannot tell you how I wish I could go back and make a different choice.  :)on't get me wrong... . I love our children more than my own life.  In that sense, they are worth every ounce of anguish I lived through.  But they have been through so much, and it is sometimes daunting to realize that I will never really get away from my ex.  Not really.  I can move on and break away, but she and her games will tangentially or directly impact me for the rest of my life and there is nothing I can do about it.

In my mind, it's one thing to be married to a person and find out that they have BPD.  You have a family, you have kids.  There is a lot at stake.  But if you don't have a marriage and kids together, holy cow... . get out before you waste another breath, get out before you expose yourself to any more trauma that will just damage you for the potential person you will actually commit to and spend the rest of your life with.

Thank you OutofEgypt... . I will say "NO" I just didn't know how to say it so it wasn't harsh.  I am still keeping with my plans of gaining more financial stability and moving on.  I don't believe anything he says.  He told me he went to counseling this morning, but who knows if that is true.  And if he did, does he really tell her the truth?

Also one of the reasons he gave me to marry me was to "feel secure."  We have lived together for 2yrs.  Own the house together and I have never cheated yet he doesn't feel secure.  I'm sorry but marriage doesn't create security.  Heck, he was married for 20yrs. before meeting me and still cheated on his ex-wife.

Yeah, I've been skeptical of counseling, too.  When I finally realized what I was up against, I realized that marriage counseling, for example, would not really do anything.  Many counselors aren't trained to look for and notice these things.  They focus more on problem-solving and such.