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Hi guys!  I see lots of new names on here... . :)

Anyway - I am back from Africa!  I had the most amazing time.  For those of you who don't know, I needed to do something, so in my holidays from work, I went over to Africa to volunteer in an orphanage and teach in a school.

Wow.

I was surrounded by happiness and love.  20 volunteers all living in a house together, from 13 different countries, a range of ages.  Some beautiful, beautiful souls.

I made great friends.  I made a bond with the kids.

I was so far away from my every day life that I rarely thought about her the whole time :)

She popped into my mind occasionally, but not for long, and I was soon distracted by something else.  So what did I learn... . ?

a) I couldn't have done this had we gotten married like planned. So this helped take the sting away.

b) There are many other amazing people out there.  Ok, so none that were gay and who there was a possible relationship with, but it made me not panic - there ARE wonderful other people out there, who are genuinely good and decent. My time will come.

c) I got a crush on a girl who worked there!  Yes!  I never have crushes, and never thought I'd have an interest in anyone, ever.  She was straight, and even if she wasn't, I wouldn't have wanted anything to happen. But it was nice to have a little crush :)  Gave me something to look forward to each day, getting to see her!

I really did have a wonderful time.  I needed the change of scenery so much!  It was the best gift I could give myself.

Now I'm home, I sense the darkness and sadness creeping in once more, but I know I CAN be free of it, the past month has taught me that!  So there is hope. I'm keeping busy.

Just thought I'd give you guys an update. I don't plan to be around here too much, or I'll start over-thinking it all again.  But just in case any of you wondered how I was getting on, I thought I'd stop by.

Sending lots of love to all,

Mango Flower x

Hi, mango_flower!  I wondered how you were faring.  I'm so happy to hear you're doing well and that you had a wonderful time in Africa.  It sounds like it was very healing.  Also -- yay for crushes!  :) 

Hope you continue to feel feel loved and supported.  Take care.

Hey Mango!

I had noticed you were gone, although I didn't catch you had gone to Africa... . Glad you are back on the grid!

What an amazing experience!

It sounds like you got to see exactly what you, and i think most of us need to... . that there is more life out there!

I think it may even be a good thing that you didn't have a romantic connection with anyone; you got to see that there are kind, caring, decent people out there and so many more life experiences out there having NOTHING to do with romance or relationships... . Talk about broadening ones horizons!

I hope you do stick around... . there is so much for us all to learn from each other.

Hey MF -- yes, I was wondering about you.  You sound so good!  Really glad you reported in.  I love that you took that trip.  Keep doing versions of that, right?  Fill up, completely full, with things that are good.  It doesn't fix the other sadness but it does make it less fundamental to who we are.

Mango_flower

great news! Great to hear you had a really good time, and yes, you made a great gift to yourself!

Made me smile to read about the girl. :)

Thank you so much for sharing!   

And keep some of this flow feeling for your all day life.

Hey Mango-Flower... . I'm pretty new to the site and reading all kinds of stuff and just wanted to say that your post is inspiring and uplifting!  :)

Hey mango from the former servalan! So glad to hear you have had a good time.

I had one week in Crete with a good friend that was more relaxing than any of the supposedly 'great' hols I had with dearest exy- and that really really helped although since getting back I still feel angry and a bit sexually hooked at times. Have also dated other people etc. I've been damaged by this... . but ending it is so much better than the alternative.

Thanks so much for your support in recent weeks. xx