|
Title: I'm in a relationship with BPD and it's been one year Post by: dreamer101 on September 24, 2015, 07:31:48 AM I've been with my BPD-bf for a year and now he doesn't want to talk to me but doesn't want to end the relationship. It is a long distance relationship, I see him once every month. He was mad and gave me cold treatment time to time claiming some unreasonable excuses. I try to understand him but this time he was so stressed and now he doesn't want to talk to me and when I called he gives me cold treatment. He was super sweet and calling everyday or twice a day (except those unreasonable times) for a year and suddenly became cold. Last time he was upset and told me he needs some time, I left him along and he was very upset that I don't care about him. I'm not sure if I should keep contact him or just leave him alone. It's been a month now. I do care about him and I just learn that he is BPD. Should I tell him?
Title: Re: I'm in a relationship with BPD and it's been one year Post by: Turkish on September 24, 2015, 10:31:22 PM Hello dreamer101,
LDRs can be tough enough between two healthy people. They can be very tough when one partner is BPD, or has BPD traits. From what you wrote, it sounds like you concluded he has BPD. That's ok, as a lot of us arrived here the same way, as did I. Aside from the obvious emotional dysregulations, a core trait of the disorder is shame. My Ex hated herself that she couldn't control her emotions sometimes. We do have members here who are able to talk about BPD with their partners, but it's rare. Even those who are diagnosed can fight the Dx, even denying it. What's key is working upon communication on our side. Often, we unknowingly trigger the disorder when we're just trying to make sense of things or help. Take a look at the lessons to the right of this board, particularly Lesson 3, which has communication techniques developed by leading experts in dealing with the disorder. "Testing" you like he did is a dysfunctional coping mechanism based upon his core fear of abandonment. Validating his feelings is a start. Take a look: Communication using validation. What it is; how to do it (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-validation) *welcome* Turkish Title: Re: I'm in a relationship with BPD and it's been one year Post by: unicorn2014 on September 24, 2015, 11:46:19 PM Hi and welcome, I'm also in a LDR with a wBPD, for 3 years. Its not easy. You're welcome to read through my posts and see some of the issues I'm struggling with.
Title: Re: I'm in a relationship with BPD and it's been one year Post by: dreamer101 on September 25, 2015, 12:51:43 AM Hi Turkish,
Thank you so much for advise! It totally makes sense to me. My bf-BPD's mom left him when he was 5 and his father left him when he was 6 ish and reunited with his father at age of 13. I will try to work with him through this site and planing to find a good therapist for myself. Thank you for the advise and the link! Dreamer101 Title: Re: I'm in a relationship with BPD and it's been one year Post by: dreamer101 on September 25, 2015, 12:52:56 AM Hi Unicorn2014,
Thank you and I will read through your post tonight! Dreamer101 |