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How can I tell whether my bp young adult daughter is really ready for dialectical behavioral therapy? Over the years we have spent a fortune on therapists and counselors, with no return benefit, because my daughter lies to the therapist and refuses to do the work needed to change her life. Now she's asking for therapy and I'm reluctant only because I don't know what signs to look for that would indicate she's going to take it seriously this time. I'm not made of money.

Can anyone offer any tips?

I'm probably not the best person to answer, but where I am at right now I would say that if she is admitting her BPD and taking some responsibility for herself then that may be signs she is ready.

DBT is more than therapy though... .it's a modality that has to be practiced to work, it isn't like talk therapy where they can just go in and snow people. (my kid does that too, I've watched her do it, and I've watched psychiatrists—not just therapists fall for her bull, ugh) I also think that sometimes they really do believe what they say... .it's a toss up between the disordered thinking and their ability to manipulate.

Maybe you can set boundaries about the therapy and what you expect from her as a bargaining tool.

DBT is considered the very best therapy available right now for BPD, way better than analysis or talk therapy... .I'd give it a shot. Something might stick.

Hi Longing for Peace 

I can well understand you asking if you've spent a lot of money and no return. I think you'll only find out if your daughter is ready and committed if she's given the opportunity.

My 28yr daughter has been in DBT since May and continues to be committed to recover, so much so she has given up work for the next 3-6 months (freelancer, lives at home) to focus on DBT, volunteering and learning how best she can live her future - a life that works for her. Her therapist recommended she take time out. I can easily see 2 plus years ahead in DBT - it's outpatient - a weekly appointment for group work and a weekly appointment with her therapist, the rest of the week is practicing the skills and that takes a lot of strength, energy and determination as my daughter says she's a warrior. You're daughter is likely looking to you for validation that yes she can do this and yes it's harder than we can ever imagine and you are proud of her and walking with her, you share her hope. I hope that helps. I have found it very insightful to read peoples blogs, experiences of DBT and recovery. How old is your daughter, is she at home, working? 

WDx