BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone, I have a daughter with BPD. My son committed suicide 23 months ago and that alone has been a rough road. She went away to a home for troubled girls for 7 months and she really learned a lot there. How to not only cope but thrive as best she can. My problem is people perceive us as this codependent mess! I know the difference! Has anyone else had this stigma and how do you handle it.

Hi Vintagefluffymom,

Welcome to  *welcome*.  I am glad that you have found your way here.

I am so sorry to hear about your son's suicide.  As you say, that alone is a very difficult experience. I can't imagine what it must be like to be dealing with a daughter with BPD on top of grieving for your son.  Has your daughter been formally diagnosed with BPD?

Some people who may have more of an understanding of the highs and lows of parenting a child with BPD are the people who post on the Parenting Board.  Here's the link:

Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=4.0)

Hopefully someone else with a more similar experience to yours can comment on being perceived as a "codependent mess".   I have found in my own situation that people who are not going through anything remotely similar feel duty-bound to label me or my behaviours in some way.  Or offer 'advice' (i.e. tell me what to do).

This is a place where people understand and I hope that you find some answers here.  Please read the posts on the Parenting Board and some of the excellent resources that the site offers. 

Do you manage to have time/space to look after yourself?  What support do you have?

take care

Claire

Vintagefluffymom,


.  I would like to join clairedair in welcoming you to bpdfamily.  I am so sorry for all that you are going through.  My deepest sympathy for your son's suicide 23 months ago and your dd's BPD.

I can understand how others can easily judge when they don't totally understand.  For them, I say "Forgive them, for they know not what they do/say".  Unless, someone has walked in your shoes they can not say how they would respond in the situation.  Like a childless person commenting on how they would never let their kid do this or that.  I am sure that outsiders see my daughter as having "spoiled brat syndrome".  And, how others have kids that are successful in academics  and career.  They had a different hand to play than what we were dealt.  The good news is there is so much help and suppport for us. 

I have an adult daughter that I suspect has BPD.  I can understand what you mean about others comments. 

And, as clairedair asked,  I would like to know if you are taking care of yourself, too? 

I hope you will join us on the parents board.  I look forward to seeing your future posts.

peaceplease

Thank you both for your welcome. I am still trying to navigate through this site. My daughter has been diagnosed with BPD last year. I will definitely join The parents when I figure out how

I understand, there is so much information on this site.  You can join the parents board when you are ready.  Meanwhile, you can navigate through. :)  Please let us know if there is anything that we can help you find.

peaceplease

Hi Vintagefluffymom,

If you click on 'Boards' in the tabs that are just underneath the header section, there's a list of different boards.  Scroll down (we have lots of boards - cater to all needs!) and you will find

[L5] Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD

Click on this and you should find your way to the board.  You can read for a while, reply to a post or jump right in and start your own topic - best way to start is to write something along the lines of your first post here. 

Take your time - no need to do this right away if you don't feel like it.

take care,

Claire