BPDFamily.com

I highly suspect my husband has BPD.  His mental health has never been good, and then got more and more problematic once I got pregnant.  We now have a 2 year old.  He himself had a traumatic childhood.

About a year and a half ago, he started frequently talking in a cartoonish baby voice.  Often, pretending to speak from the baby's point of view.  Not only is this getting bad as our son is now learning to speak (and deserves not to have anyone pretend to speak for him), but DH even talks to himself in this voice.  It's driving me absolutely nuts.  To my knowledge, he doesn't use the voice at work, so why can't he control himself at home?

DH has a therapist and a psychiatrist but is embarrassed to tell either of them about this problem.  But he doesn't know how to stop it on his own.  Occasionally just accuses me of always trying to change him.  Is this BPD behavior?  If not, what disorder might it be a symptom of? 

Dont know if it is a particular BPD trait, may even be in the realm of OCD. I am sure it is linked to creating a false persona and/or escapism, as a soothing response.

Are there specific times when the voice is used?  Like mostly when interacting with your son, or does he do it at times when he's simply talking about other topics?

It may be a soothing technique, or he may be reliving parts of childhood in this manner to cope as your son progresses through childhood, too?  BPD seems to have some roots in being arrested in childhood as far as coping mechanisms, feelings of abandonment or lack of developmental support carry on into adulthood, and healthier ways to deal just aren't found or tried.

I admit I talk to myself - it's usually in my own voice, though, and I chalk it up to being alone so much as an only child in a pretty odd household, it was my coping mechanism. 

What other behaviors seem to point to BPD? 

It's actually a cartoonish baby voice, so usually it's used in a context that involves our baby (who is becoming less and less of a baby by the day).  Often he uses it to say intelligent honest things that he can't say as himself for some reason.  Other times, extra-mean things.  Mostly, he's imagining life from our son's perspective.   Not always in a positive way.  Sometimes it's "oh I hate [daycare classmate who's actually my son's friend] and he wears funny glasses."

I think it's BPD because of black/white thinking, suicidality, mood swings, intense anger, occasional stress-induced paranoia, etc.  I'm frequently accused of not caring enough about him--or worse--my son.  DH's memory isn't clear on the timing, but he was in foster care around the time he was DS's age.

Hello Oddwalnut  

I can't really advice you because I have no idea if it's BPD related.
I do remember however that some time ago (maybe a few months) someone on these boards had a similar question. Maybe you can retrieve this post by searching 'baby voice', or similar ?

Fie

While he may have BPD, the voice-thing may or may not be a "symptom" of it.  But I can see how it would get annoying. 

You are probably right, and it's easier for him to try to withdraw into a child-persona instead of staying in an adult role, and the presence of a child simply makes this easier to do.  I tend to baby-talk for our cats, and admit I DO sometimes use their "words" to communicate to H about something, but it's usually meant in a playful way - "we love our papa" kind of thing. 

I have heard once before that talking in a baby voice/child voice is a symptom of BPD. From what I remember the person does it in relation to feeling stress, perhaps a way to try to diffuse their stress. I honestly don't remember where I heard this information, but when I hear adults do this behavior, it sends up red flat signals for me.

It could also be some sort of dissociative type disorder or an OCD type symtpom. It must be frustrating for him to want to stop doing this and not being able to.

There is a kind of pseudo schizophrenia to it I think at times. Almost like disowning responsibility for the content by projecting it through a different personality. I have heard people who think they should say something, but have nothing of note to say so they use it as a space filler, and by using a different voice they are distancing themselves from the lack of "adult quality" of what they are saying.

It also deters others from responding with serious questions and hence avoids direct conflict. After all kids do this when they want to avoid being reprimanded or potentially having a need blocked. Probably why some women do it when they are outright flirting for advantage.

I deliberatly do it to my 22 daughter just to remind her she is still my baby no how mature she thinks she may be. She is never too old for yukky dady kisses either... :)

Not sure if this relates, but mine used to use this weird puppet voice for his hand. Sounds crazy, but his hand would "say" things that reflected deep dark feelings that he couldn't bring himself to say - like apologizing to me on his behalf or wishing he wasn't stuck on the arm of such a terrible person.

It was cute and funny at first, but got sad and weirder over time. That hand-voice gave me a lot of insights into his true feelings. The better I got at validating what his "hand" was saying, the less it "talked". Come to think of it, I haven't heard that childlike voice in over a year now. Maybe he finally felt safe enough to express those same feelings - but as himself, a grown man. I don't miss that hand thing. Nice having adult conversations again.

The thread at the link below, entitled "Age Regression" might have some answers.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=86584.0;all

Thanks all.  This is helpful.

It's been less of a year since I've started thinking of my husband as having BPD.  And I'm still not even 100% sure he does, but he definitely has many BPD traits, and it's been helpful to me to have some framework as to how they fit together.

As bad as BPD is, I guess I'm even more scare of schizophrenia.  As it is, occasional episodes of  psychosis are bad enough.  Which maybe is my next question:  when I read that psychosis can be associated with BPD, what form does it take?  Sometimes DH acts extremely disoriented and/or detached from reality.  Once he was ranting for an hour or two and didn't seem to recognize me.  That might have been the worst instance yet. Crazily enough, it was before we got married, and I married him anyway.  I don't regret it because I wouldn't have had my son, but in retrospect that was a huge red flag.

That's encouraging that Jessica84's husband eventually stopped.  Hopefully mine will too.  But I really wish he weren't too embarrassed to ask his therapist for help.  We certainly pay her enough.  I don't think her style of therapy is helping him, but that's a whole other can of worms.