BPDFamily.com

I have been a guest on his site for a while.  Learning everything I could about BPD.  I haven't learned how to tell my girlfriend to seek help, and that she might be BPD.  Yesterday, she left me, accusing me of having BPD.  We have been together for two years.  Over the last four months it's been on and off again.  Now it's off again.  I will not give up on her, I know I have the emotional strength to continue.  I just don't know how to handle this now.  Any suggestions would be appreciated.  Please ask me questions.  I am searching for an answer.  I don't believe in giving up on someone, just because they have an illness, no need to mention, I do love her.

My girlfriend accused me of all the symptoms of BPD. She said I was trying to manipulate her and later she said I either didn't know what boundaries were or didn't care. It was really just transference of her problems onto me.

Having spent a weekend of listening to projection from my uBPDw, there is little that you can do to stop them or redirect them when they project. Just take it with a grain of salt. However, I know that several people here have used this as an opportunity to encourage their pwBPD to enter couples counseling, on the basis of their partner's insistence that they had BPD or other mental illness. Do you think she would consider that, if you have insurance and resources to do it? It usually sorts out before a counselor pretty quickly when one partner has BPD and the other doesn't ... .not always, though. I'd try to find a counselor who is familiar and has worked with clients that have BPD.

Incidentally, I, too get blamed with having problems with maintaining boundaries by my wife when we go the marriage counseling. At least now I know that, while my boundaries are my personal responsibility, she never met a boundary she respects or accepts. It helps me to know what I am up against, as growing backbone is easier. Once you discount your partner contributing meaningful support, it's a little easier to do what you need to do for yourself.

it is very common, as you have no doubt read, for pwBPD to project to the non-BPD partner. this is what she is doing to you right now. I have found that after a few days/week or so mine will act as if it never happened (selective memory). do you think that she will "forget about it" in time? or do you want her to forget it?

did you bring up the BPD or did she? and if she brought it up first, where did she get this from? just curious is all.

Thank you all for you words.  I truly appreciate them.  She would be open to counseling, couples counseling, I believe.  Don't know when she will come back this time, could be a month or so.  I hope she comes back this time.  I am the devil to her right now.  Thanks for the positive words, better than the "runaway" ones I used to get on the other site.

to reply to where did she get this from, she is always looking to analyze me, and project reasons why I am the devil.  Last time it was because I was a just a cronic liar.  Because I couldn't repeat verbatim the exact words I had with my ex wife, she said I was hiding something, therefore I as lying, and therefore it's over.