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Hi all!

I saw my counselor yesterday, and she asked me what I look forward to. What I do in my free time. If I HAVE free time. What I think is fun.

I had no response except I like to read.

My question is, when you lose yourself in the situation, how do you even remember what you used to enjoy? How do you stop isolation and negativity and get your own self happy... .or if not happy, at least not depressed?

hi atomic popsicles, great thread.

i can personally relate. it seemed like i never had free time either. as an introvert, i really need a certain amount of alone time, and no one is an exception. i spent far more time with my ex than i was ever comfortable with, and it was never considered enough. when i would get my alone time, id anticipate it being interrupted (it quite often was), i could never relax, and so i couldnt exactly dig into the things i like to do.

is reading really all you like to do? what do your friendships look like? what kinds of things have you done with friends?

My wife went to bed at 8pm on a Friday night.

"Wow", I thought. "I have the WHOLE night! What can I do?"

Crickets. I couldn't think of anything! That's so bad.

In the end, I went for a run. I'm not even sure i really wanted to (I hate running!), but i wanted to do SOMETHING! Even on thinking about it all the "no" reasons came flooding to mind (you won't like it, you'll have to shower later, it's cold, it's dark, wife won't believe you went for a run and worry). But in the end, just do it! You may not enjoy it 100%, but it's a step. And ANY step is a good step. In the end - I did enjoy it - but most probably just because i was doing something for me!

Go to a pub just for a drink and to listen to a band. Take your book!

Go for a walk, run, cycle.

Meet old friends. Meet new friends.

Read. Bath. Play your kids PlayStation games!

Do a jigsaw puzzle. Try yoga. Try skipping!

My pwBPD nd I are both artist/musicians. I think that the arts play a big part in why our relationship works. Music really helps him and I so much. Creative expression is a wonderful way to heal too. Have you thought about taking up some art classes or getting an instrument?

Do you do any sort of physical activity?

This has all kinds of benefits- exercise is a great stress reliever, improves your health and your mood. It doesn't have to be a workout that is stressful- in fact, don't make it one if a vigorous workout isn't part of your routine ( some people do add running, and other vigorous exercises for the benefits). The point is to enjoy it. Also being outdoors in nature is good- but even in the city- getting out in the air.

Walking outdoors, hiking- in a park- a pretty place. You may not want to do this at first, but exercise has a positive effect that you will like. Or ride a bike, swim- whatever you might like to do.

Also, self care can be little things. Something like buying a special brand of coffee at the store or making a healthy meal.

Making healthy choices has the double effect of making us feel better and doing something positive. Watching a movie while eating a favorite dessert can be enjoyable, but doesn't have the same physical/emotional benefits of taking on a health promoting interest/activity.

So, you may not know what "big" things you like to do- such as a hobby, yet, but you can start by taking on a habit that is good for you and enjoyable too.

No matter if you are a distance runner or out of shape - the main idea is to start- with a walk around the park even.

Thank you all for your ideas. I'm starting to exercise again. I hate it but maybe one day I will like it.

What worked for me was to find some new things rather than revive old things

I found that I like to travel or take trips. Being alone is fine then -I see new places, buildings, landscapes, take photos, talk to locals. It helps a lot.