BPDFamily.com

Hello fellow non-bpds,
My sister is seven years younger than me.  25 years ago, when I was 22 and she was 15 our mother committed suicide. I was in my third year of my degree abroad, so was not present to most of the run up to this event.  My sister was.  It was a turning point for all of us, but I feel my sister was most changed.  The bpd diagnosis came about by accident a year ago when her (now ex) husband, drove her to a mental health hospital following an episode where she laid in the middle of the road, nine months pregnant.  While there a nurse accidently gave away her previous diagnosis of bpd.  
Her baby was born days after, so we never discussed bpd at any length until about a month ago.  She flatly denied having it, saying she was misdiagnosed, and that the issue was being in an abusive relationship (she split from the father when the baby was two months old).
Baby Zara is now a year and we are in lockdown.  Laura is finding it hard: she has never fully accepted being a full time mum, with me, my dad, the father and a childminder doing a lot of the care.  
Now I have more time, I am closely reading Randi Kreger's Essential Family Guide to BPD and listening to bpd podcasts.  I realise I am a 'rescuer' often, and we have an unhealthy pattern of relating.  She often rages at me for being selfish and so lucky as I have my supportive husband.
I am just starting to set limits: I have asked her to treat me with respect (in a text - no response) and looking after myself  and my family's needs rather than putting her first.  I know she doesn't like it but believe it is for the best.
The main problem is when I step back, she involves our 77 year old dad more.  He is a rescuer too but is unable to help physically now.  He has to endure hours of repetitive rants on the phone.  I have bought him the book but I am reluctant to suggest ways of being as he is pretty good already.  But she is taking her toll on him.
I am not sure what I am looking for her - maybe some similar experiences or tips on how to be?
Thank you for reading.

Welcome, Lizzie!  :hi:

I'm really glad you reached out to us here. Welcome to our online family.  :)

Right now with the Covid-19 shutdown, there is a whole lot more stress for families and individuals. This is taxing us all to the limits, and it's worse when you live with someone who is disordered or shows signs of being unstable. I'm so sorry that this is extra hard for you right now.

How does your dad feel about your sister's talks to him? Does it cause him fatigue? Does it roll off of him? Does it cause him depression and feeling responsible? I wonder if it might be helpful to him if you ask him how he's doing and take time to listen to what he has to say. That might give you a better idea of how to approach the subject with him. I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

 :hug:
Wools