BPDFamily.com

  first off HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

My exBPDH is obsessed with having a little girl. He has a son from a previous marriage but ignores him.Now a few of  my friends who have met him at his favorite hangout(coffee shop) have said he is abnormally obsessed with little girls and girl babies who may be with parents at coffee shop  and always makes a big fuss when he sees one. All have noted he completely ignores the boys.

  It seems a bit creepy but I know he is not a pedophile. But I do believe he and his new girlfrined think a having a little girl would make life perfect. I wonder what would happen if he has another son.

   Can anyone figure out the obsession? Does he think having a girl will cure him of the empty feeling he has and will make his life magically better?

So odd!

Possibly.  But it won't cure him.  The emptiness is in him, probably a baby girl wouldn't fill his neediness, not in a healthy way.  There is a difference between a "reasonably normal" person wanting a child of one gender or the other but accepting them all as they are, different than one who isn't "reasonably normal".

By the way, he better not blame the mother(s) if they have boys.  After all, it is the father whose sperm determines gender with either an X or Y chromosome.

As for me, I recall I thought I would have a girl, I loved my then-spouse that much.  Well, we had a son.  I wouldn't trade him - or ignore him - for anything.

 Yes, I cannot understand this obsession. Also his new "girlfriend" sees this too but she obviously is oblivious to this strange behavior. Some of our old friends have commented on the fact they feel very uncomfortable when they are out with him and he sees a little girl and starts to gush about her. He will actually go up to the parents and make a fuss for awhile. a friend told me the other day the behavior is very uncomfortable as it sees he takes awhile to leave the child's presence. But when he sees a little boy he has no reaction what soever.

   Oddly enough when we were together he said he did not wants kids. Ignored his son and many of his friends said they are surprised he even likes children because he was so negative about them before.

I think BPD's want to do anything but look to the real source of their problems... .themselves.  If it's fantasy about a daughter, or being the next Venus Williams, they need to stay in OZ to keep distracted from the demons that chase them.  And while we may think any preoccupation with kids is weird (we should to protect them) the real issue is what happens if he does get a daughter... any kid in the hands of a BPD is in dangerous territory.  Truly sad for the son, but a pretty consistent story that gets told on the boards... .if he doesn't have some pretty strong emotional support, it will be a tough road for him.  And without help, when that daughter becomes a lovely teen, he'll probaby dump her, just when he should be hanging in there like a real dad... .unless he gets the help he needs. 

Peace, Buff

  Buff, Ironically enough, when I told him how much time,love ,effort and sacrifice goes to raising a child and it will get more difficult as they become teens, he said. Well at least I will have 12 years of "bliss" before she becomes a teenager. And then what? As you say will he then abandon her?

And does anyone really think raising a child is bliss? It is hard work. But in his fantasy mind he doesn't see that.

And kids raise parents as parents raise kids.  That takes parents being able to understand the behavior, what they really need, and the resolve to stave off the rolled eyes and forces exhalations as you're "destroying their life" by not giving them $100 to go to Hollister.  It has been my experience that many bp's lack the ability to understand others, to connect with them emotionally. 

Teenage girls (I have 2) need dads to connect with what matters to them, not us.  If they like a certain kind of music, we better pretend we do too.  We need to have touchpoints into their lives that they define.  As we begin to recognize them as adults in training, they will give us power over their lives.  Bp's want to keep kids in their younger years where they can sill run the kid's life, which goes over terribly with the kid. 

If he wants a little girl that will always sit on his lap, then he should get a doll.

Best to you, buff

  Has anyone else experienced strange preferences towards certain sex babies or their BP actually being obsessed with having babies?

  My father did not come home for 3 days when he realized he had yet another girl ME!. (3 girls total). Back then, no one knew father determined sex of babies and she was blamed. My mother always said she was very happy she had all girls as the burden and expectations my father would have had on a son would be too much for any boy to bear.

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I've seen it... .it's sad.  Think of where the human race would be without women... .EXTINCT!  Also, there have been many fine women in history... .where would we be now without them?  Your dad gave up a lot when he discounted you on your sex.  Too bad.  To do this is neanderthal thinking, in my book... .went out a very long time ago, thankfully.  I have three also, and they know I love them very much... .I honestly could not imagine the world without them.  Sorry you're having to deal with these feelings... .his understanding of your worth is NOT true.  God made you special, unique, and precious.  I hope you are able to find people that reflect who you really are.

Peace, Buff

Wild Guess... .maybe he dreams about the one female that would never leave him or abandon him to matter what he does... .his daughter... .are your friends that meet him all female?

My ex only cared about the opposite sex and the attention she could get from them... .

  Friends that have noted he does this are all female. And one gay male friend. :) He seems to befriend women who are old enough to be his mother. His mother had 2 affairs which left the family broken and devastated. He was 10 when parents finally divorced and went to live with his father. His new girlfriend just left her husband to be with him. So family dynamic are being replayed.

   But I really cannot figure out the obsession with having a daughter. Especially since he ignores his son. I remember him once joking when his son was a baby to dress him like a girl because he was so disappointed in having a son. I thought he was joking. But instead of trying to bond with his son  now,he wants "another chance to do it right this time" but specifically with a "little girl".

A thought I had was that if he has a sister that got more attention than he did, maybe he thinks girls are treated better and would rather have that... .although I also agree with the thought of one woman that would never leave him. It makes sense... .only thing is, I read when they are 5 years old, they surpass the pwBPD in mentality and they realize something is wrong with the parent. Then the pwBPD starts to not like their child and treat them different. In the beginning, they are a new clean slate. No opinions... .