BPDFamily.com

i am the guy who was financially supporting my exBPDgf... .finally said enough is enough... .and quit about 2 weeks ago... .

well the money i had sent her last finally ran out... .got an email a couple of days back that she ran out of gas on the road... .other stuff trying to make me guilty... .a phone message on my office phone crying and yelling profusely... .i felt bad for her but resisted... .

well my exBPDgf has four siblings... .brother is married and does not give a damn about my exgf... .one sister is in mental asylum since 18 years of age... .the eldest sister was happily married for 17 years with three kids, however, recently after 17 years of marriage she suddenly had an affair with her cousin and has filed for divorce... .she is marrying a guy (the cousin) who is himself married for 20 years and he has three kids (some with disabilities)... .he is also divorcing his wife... .

now my exBPDgf has only one person who she can ask for money... .the cousin (soon to be brother in law)... .she called him up... .cried like crazy and totally coloured me black... .he is a nice guy but does not understand the situation well... .so he fell right into the rescuer role... .i guess he is going to support her... .he wrote me a very serious email, stating that i am a devil and blah blah blah... .i wanted to answer, but resisted... .

any advice?

I know people that can't even feed themselves right now - why is everyone running to her side and throwing money at her?   I guess in her case incest is best, seems to be going her way.

sounds insane.  what part of the insanity can't you live without?

i am surprised myself why i ignored all these red flags... .i guess i was too much in love... .so many things... .

i knew her mother... .she was very nice person... .probably the only sane person in her house hold... .but u know how she died... .by a virus given to her by her husband... .her husband (my exBPDgf father) use to frequent prostitutes all the time... .my ex hates her father... .i wonder what the issues are... .also, according to my ex, her brother is having affairs behind his wife's back... .with guys... .red-flag or what... .

Good grief, it's the old abuse by proxy game. www.suite101.com/article.cfm/verbal_emotional_abuse/106364 (http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/verbal_emotional_abuse/106364) This is an almost expected event, so prepare for it.  The cousin, writing you an email to get you to open up your wallet? How does that work on your guilt and obligation? Any ideas? All we need is fear now- oh there, it is... .she ran out of gas on the side of the road. All sorts of bad things could have happened, you know. Of course you do- it's what manipulators use... .you've got the trifecta of FOG (fear, obligation and guilt)

So here's what you say to running out of gas,= "Who's fault is that?

So here's what you say to running out of money, ="Who's fault is that?

So here's what you say to "be nice to me, I haven't eaten today,"= "Who's fault is that?

So here's what you say to "be nice to me, I didn't sleep well last night,"= "Who's fault is that?

This is how you re-train a waif. I know. It works. Watch her reaction the first time you do this- it will floor her. What do you mean who's fault is that? Yep, that's what you said- Who's fault is it? Make her think. Man34 cant be the only responsible adult to put gas in her car- even 16 year olds learn how to bag groceries and get money for gas. Time to grow up. Be responsible. Get a job. Take care of herself. Soon the only thing she'll be running out of is excuses. And you know what? She may find herself for the first time in her life doing things she always dreamed of- with a sense of self sufficiency and pride.  She's just never learned HOW. No one taught her.

The issue here is whether or not you can let her do this on her own without it becoming a painful process for yourself. Rescuing is a way of involving yourself in someone elses journey so that you don't heed the road of your own. You cant do that anymore- you have to let go.  She will learn and unlearn many things. First thing she needs to become aware of is learned helplessness... .

A good article: www.unfetteredmind.com/articles/helplessness.php (http://www.unfetteredmind.com/articles/helplessness.php)

2010... .thanks for the articles...