BPDFamily.com

I think the title says it all... .i am gobsmacked and numb. i gave my ex another chance yeh I know Oh butterfly what are you doing you dont have to tell me... .well here is why I am gobsmacked... .I receive a call at 1am this morning from Mr BPD he is walking home after been out with his new friends at his new job he tells me in his conversation that if i didnt have my son i would be living with him and evrything would be so different, he asked me to leave the town where i live and move me and my son two hours away to where he lives in our own place just me and my boy and he would keep his unit where he lives now and he would come over heaps what kind of set up is that? he said he wouldnt be able to "handle" my son after a day at work thats why he doesnt want to live with me but he loves me very much but i am a single mother first off so he musnt love who i really am if he not going to ne fully accepting of my son in the way i see fit... .during his outing with his new mates i tried to ring him twice and twice he rejected my call i asked him about it his reply was that he couldnt get his phone out of his pocket properly so why didnt he ring me back to see what i wanted - what was he hiding? so he doesnt want to loose me and he says that he loves me but he expects me to move so far away from home with my boy and rent a place on my own for his convenience? now what tops of this angry outburst i was just going through my mobile looking at photos and videos and i found a video that he took that i didnt know he had when i was last down there with my son, i thought he had taken a photo of me and my son and at the end of the 40second video i was unawares that he had taken he calls me "IDIOT ONE" and my son "IDIOT TWO" is this guy for real? does he think that is funny to me that is down and outright disrespectfull after all i have forgiven him for... .also this is a bit personal but he was sending the bizarest msgs to me once he got home from his outing - asking if i would ever share him with anyone in particular another male of all bloody things and he said that his next door neighbour angela who is a bisexual has a crush on me and would like to watch me and him... .i went off on the phone  i said i am in a relationship when you are in a relationship you do not share who you are with otherwise why be in a relationship in the first place he then turned it round onto me and said i took him the wrong way and he was only joking WHAT THE? i am furious over the occurances over the last 24hrs and have decided i have made a big mistake by not going ahead with my AVO so he couldnt contact me he is NEVER going to grow up and be a mature adult or be accepting of my child in the way i want... .should i be feeling the way i am right now am i being too touchy over the video he secretly took on my phone calling me and my son a idiot... .am i just someone to him to use to facilitate his needs? how can he say he loves me he so convince me that he had changed... .

Butterfly03, my heart breaks for you. IMHO if he cannot handle your son then he doesn't deserve you. If he is calling you and your son names then he doesn't deserve you. You already know what you need to do for you and I am confident that you don't want your son exposed to that sort of life. Be strong, stick with your decision and move on. He doesn't deserve you.

x

Oh butterfly... .no, I am not going to say it as you have said it yourself.  Please, please, please just get away from this awful man. Just treat this little adventure back into oz as a very bad experience and one that should never be repeated... .you went back and learnt another lesson in BPD.  You have graduated now so you need to take your lessons and RUN!

Thanks guys I am so HURT AND UPSET one major step backwards for me

I am soo sorry for how you feel, when you return to pwBPD all your hopes and dreams of the future come rushing back and you feel great, then it comes crashing down and all that hard work you have done being away from him and trying to build a better life for yourself just ends up in the gutter.  Just start again, grieve some more and just pick yourself up and start again.  The thing is butterfly, this is nothing to do with him now as you know who he is and how he behaves, this is all to do with you now and getting yourself better.  I am feeling so bad for you cos you were so positive and working towards a great new future for you and your son.  You have just taken a slighty wrong path, its time to get back to where you were before you went back to him.  Good luck.

Butterfly, last weekend I made the mistake of picking up emails and got thoroughly hurt and upset. At the time I thought it was a majot step backward for me, but actually it has been one hell of a step forward. Give it a couple of days, you might find this negative contact may just propel you forward. Go easy on yourself.

I think taking a video on your phone and calling you and your son idiot is one of the most immature and not funny things I've heard for a long time, but it doesn't surprise me. Sometimes we are so deeply entrenched in this stuff we lose sight of what is acceptable anymore. Honestly, and bluntly, he sounds like a twat, a twat who doesn't accept your son, and straight off the bat that is unacceptable.

However, im sorry you went thru this but use this to remind yourself of what you deserve and what you are not getting from moron A.

I know you see it as a step backwards, but you have to look at what happened as something to propel you forward after you process it all.  If it hadn't happened, maybe you wouldn't be able to get to where you're meant to be as quickly - you know, that happy, healthy place where we all aspire to be.

As I always say, live and learn... .now is the time to be kind to yourself and your son.  No regrets!

Thank you for the replies  x

I am filled with so much anger today towards Mr BPD they seem so genuine and sincere when they are nice with their words and actions but it is all an act to get what they want... .he told me the other night that i was his rock what a load of hit_e!

butterfly

Get away from that guy.

RUN... .as far as fast as you can... .

THe fact that he calls you an idiot an your son idiot 2 is horrifying to me...

It is soo disrespectful and humiliating... .i allways felt so grieved into my soul when my exhb said anykind of that stuff to my children... .or called them names...

It makes me    to read tht he calls you 2 that...

It is not a big step backwards, just another chance to see what you have to skip out of your and your sons life... .

Take it and go, never look back...

Stay strong girl, Its you and your son now, or your son and you right now... .x

Thanks Guys! I am totally under agreeance I have to RUN but how the hell do I get out of the situation I have ben thinking bout it all day... .I rang my best friend who is also a single mum and she was disgusted aswell she told me that he doesnt deserve anything but a text message saying "to leave me alone from idiot one". I know he will say it was a joke he would always say it was "a joke" when he got an unfavourable response from me in regards to anything he did or said so what do you guys think?

Do I... .

1) send a simple message "gave you yet another chance you blew leave me alone" msg

or

2) ring him and tell him were through leave me alone

me myself I am going number one because personally I don't think he deserves from me the respect of a call to end it all plus I don't think I could handle listening to him when I tell him - I am expecting suicide threats like in the past - the next couple of days aint going to be easy... .

butterfly 

If was in your shoes ... .i would just send him a simple note that says that you "have thought about this for the last couple of days and do not wish to pursue this relationship any further. Please do not contact me anymore".

I'm no expert but i did learn a few things from my BPD experience. I would just take the high road and keep it clean. Anything else and you might end up getting dragged down to his level.

Considering the fact you refer to me as an idiot:

We are over and done... and i am NOT joking... .

Oh and if you are going to kill yourself... .don't tell me... it is probably a joke...

Y.S, idiot 1 and 2

Option One for sure! Listen to Im.okay.now!

Then NC all the way!

Good luck with it - read my post about breaking NC for some reassurance that it is the way to go!

I sent a one line mail - oops!

If you want to contact him contact us instead!

Keep strong!

Good luck and take care - and just remember that like any addiction there are bound to be relapses so don't give yourself a hard time just learn each time!  x

It is Easter Sunday here in Australia. Just want to wish all my dear supportive friends here at bpdfamily.com a Happy Easter!  x  x  x

Still thinking of my wording with my message to end it all pretty stressed with his reaction he told me I was his "rock" and he would be "lost without me" a couple of nights ago.

Butterfly 

Easter over here too ... .

Wishing you and all bpdfamily.com friends, happy easter... x

You are his rock which keeps him from drowning, or you can be the rock he crashes his boat on... .

What do you prefer? You are much to valuable to be called an idiot... be the rock for your son and you... .your son is the one who will be lost without you... .

To be called like that is very humiliating... .and probably when he says it s a joke, you are questioning yourself if you are overreacting?

Well you don't, it is not the only thing he did... .

He is totally respectless, as they all are... .

It is not what you want for you and your son, just send him a text or email with short explanation of what you think and be a rock in N/C... .

x

I'm with you manon46

Give your son and yourself the respect you deserve! If this is not mirrored by your partner, or anyone else for that matter, then they are not worthy of you!

Happy Easter beautiful people  x

Thanks Guys.

Ive been LC with Mr BPD and am sending him a short n sweet text tomorrow and thats it. NC. I do not want to end it with my son here he goes to his dads for a week tomorrow and I thought it is best to not have my son here when I end it... .it is going to be one hell of ride I know as a fact I have had him rock up at my place out of the blue when i have ended it before, suicide threats, threats of all different nature text to me the normal BPD stuff before... .I have only spoken to him once today and I must of being different on the phone he kept on asking me what was wrong, I mentioned to him how I was going to start Taekwondo on Wednesday Night and he freaked out saying "what on earth would you want to do that for? that is so not you" - yes, I am far too independant for Mr BPD to keep me "controlled" these days... .I mentioned I was going to start looking for a part time job near where I live, he didnt like that idea either told me to get a job near where he lives and move near him - YEH RIGHT!

My son and I deserve better... .

Butterfly

YES you do!  |iiii   x

YES ! |iiii

It is a very good idea to have your son out...

Wishing you the strength and courage all the way...

Good for you, you both deserve much much better ! x

Yes you do deserve better!

Only you know what is right for you and your son - not him!

I felt way too independent for my Mr. BPD too!

Because we are! and because we are worth it!

Good luck with it!  x

Butterfly, I've just finished eating my Easter Bilby (go Aussies !). I just wanted to say Well Done and best wishes. I wish I could say it will be an easy road from now on but I can't. Its a tough road ahead. But you have made the absolutely right decision. Get out, get away, get rid of this idiot. Look after youself and your son.it takes courage to change things that are wrong. You've bravely taken the first step and its a great step forward.Take care

Hey thanks for the replies my bpdfamily.com friends    and Gday my fellow Aussie little doggy I hope it's a Cadbury little Bilby you cant beat cadbury chocolate!

I am going to have a good hit_ now so excuse me... .Mr BPD rang tonight and I answered cause if I dont i get showered with "dont you love me anymore" messages. The contents of his conversation has pissed me off to no end... .it is my birthday coming up this weekend coming and I have got my son... .he has got the ordassity to tell me that I should organise my ex husband to have my son as he will not take me out for dinner for my birthday if I have him... .I had my son this weekend which was meant to be my ex husbands weekend but he had to work being public holidays for easter as he is the boss where he works so that means that I will be having my son three weekends in a row which Mr BPD is upset about ofcourse, thinks its unfair but deep down inside I know he is only thinking of himself wanting time with just me and not me and my son. He then turned around after saying I think it is only fair that I get my exhusband to take my son this weekend coming to not turn round later this week and blame him-Mr BPD for making me given up time with my son for him like I have in the past (which I have) the conversation totally bamboozled me and my head is foggy as... .is he putting a guilt trip on me? what on earth is this guy about? We made a promise that we wouldnt bring up the past I asked him why he was bringing up the past for his reply was do you want to fight? why are you carrying on for? If your going to carry on like that maybe we shouldnt be together. This is after a message from him saying that he hoped I was always in his world. How on earth was I carrying on? OHHHHH GEZ please bring on tomorrow I want this over... . 

Butterfly

Haighs bilby !

Your bp is just full of cr*p. Selfish and self interested.he will try every dirty trick in the book to make you feel bad and bring on the FOG. Mine did and still does. Get help. A good T is important. You will need support beyond these boards but happy if you vent here too. You and your son deserve better.

Thanks for the reply little doggy... .

he totally fogged me before! planted the seed in my head to get rid of my son to my ex husband for my birthday weekend then turn round later in the convo to say not to blame him for doing it... .man this guy tries to manipulate me to get what he wants and unfortunately it is just me and not my son... .just last thurs he rang me and said we would be living together if you didnt have your son... .how rude is that... .he gives me the hit_s now with how selfish and self centred he is... .he needs to be with a mega hit_ to keep him in place that has no children... .or he is going to end up a lonely old man from his selfishness... .

i choose my son over this hit_ anyday thats for sure... .i rather be on my own and lonely the rest of my life than be treated the way i am by this guy... .at least i can do what i want on my own and i am going to taekwondo tomorrow whether he likes it or not... .:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

butterfly

You go girl. To use some Aussie slang "he's a knob".

ohhhh  :) lol lol i agree... .my girlfriend calls him the wanker and she thanked god that he did the "idiot video" on my phone to finally make me wake up to the posessive tool he is. He honestly had me convinced that he had changed but i dont think he ever will... .

Butterfly, are you going to be safe this weekend?  This guy is so unstable and manipulative, I'm concerned your text may set him off.  :)o you have somewhere else you could go when you text him that it's over?  Some understanding family or friends you could bunk with over the weekend?  pwBPD like to up the ante, and if he's been suicidal before and that didn't work you may want to take precautions for yourself.  Likely nothing will happen (don't mean to be sound dramatic and scare you)...  When you're dealing with the unpredictable, best to prepare for anything.  We want you safe girl.  x


modified to add ~>  I reread and noticed you were doing this today, not next weekend... .(should've read more thoroughly)  Be safe.

Thanks for the concern Rosebud. I live with my parents so I should be ok. If he turns up here I will just ring the police.

I feel so bad dont know why that just proves Im not BPD lol Ive already received a "I love you so much" text from him and its only 7.30am... .I dont doubt that he does actually love me in his way but I cant be with someone suffering this illness for my sons sake if anything... .he is too unstable to be around my child... .so here I go today is the day back to counting my NC days... .:'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(

Butterfly  

That's it exactly.  Whenever those doubts creep in (that's what he wants)... .just think about your son.  If we can't do it for ourselves, us mommies gotta do what we gotta do for our babies. 

Well I did my short n sweet text to Mr BPD ending it... .

According to him the "idiot" video was a joke (I knew he would say that) and he would rather be dead than me not be his girl... .HO BLOODY HUM!

He had his chance YET AGAIN and he blew it!

Butterfly

HELP ME MY bpdfamily.com FRIENDS :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( My exBPDbf thinks I have over reacted to the idiot video that he was only joking I wish I could post it on here so you could have a look I am doing my head in this ex of mine is obsessed with me I think I am going to snap soon I am hibinating in my room so my poor mum doesnt cop anything from me... .I did do the right thing? I am going bonkers!

A VERY FOGGY HEAD BUTTERFLY

hey girl keep your head up! Think about all the other times and hurts that are still there even if this one "is not a big deal"    And if you feel it is a big deal and you do not want someone who says those things about you or you child as a partner then... .that is your choice, not his! Butterfly, remember the hurt this caused, you are allowed to have those feelings you are allowed to feel something is not right or acceptable even if no one else around you tells you not to. Love you hon, keep your head up and we are here for you!  x

Thanks so Much J Bird... .you know i just cant describe the feeling i had when i found the video on my phone i really did feel like he treated me as a village idiot and it showedno respect whatsoever to me i just wonder how he wouldve reacted if i did it to him... .it was a huge thing to give him yet another chance after everything most people probably wouldve said see ya later a long long time ago maybe after the first girl i found about or the continual lying over everything he realised that it was a huge chance i was given him and he promised that he would try his best to be a better man and not make me feel the way i did before but there have been hints the last week that he is always going to be Mr BPD and he isnt going to change like the neediness of hearing from me all the time, me not being able to do what i want without the gazillion nonsense questions i was only back with him a month and he was slowly draining me again it just isnt healthy for me the type of person i am to have him in my world... .i have ended up turning my phone off it was ridiculous over last night he blamed me for him hitting the drink last night by text and not going to work today he feels "empty" without me i could imagine the stupid immature crap he would of got up to last night i need someone stable and sain in my life and more importantly in my boys life... .there is no medical reason for treating anybody with disrespect in my book... .he just has to live and learn unfortunately i thought he already had when i went NC for two weeks with him when he found this other girl Vanessa... .i am very dissapointed and disgusted in him... .

Butterfly 

wheres he at? anyone calls my kids anything... .ill bust their f'n head with a lead pipe.

You are not overreacting at all... .

I know when my ex called me or my kids like idiots or morons i felt humiliated, in the core of my soul... .and it made me   

Let him drown,drink, or whatever he does... you are on the right side... it is all about him... .

There is nothing funny in what he does or says... just stay strong you are doing absolute the right thing for you and your boy... x

Thank you so much for the support guys... .i will be changing my mobile number yet again tomorrow he sure is trying hard this was his last text

"**** (my name) i am so glad to see the world through a different window. Where glory doesnt colour every move we make. Just a truthfull look at the part you play. **** (my name) I found love and I do not want to lose love. x"

He is a MASSIVE thinker he is trying so hard to get a response from me, the messages are doing nothing to me now I just feel numb to the situation and tired/over it really

Butterfly 

Just another supportive note for you about that video... .I get the impression from your posts that this is not the first time he's said nasty things about your son, so even if he was "just kidding" about the video, he's said enough other negative things that should not have been said about him.

You know deep down he was NOT just kidding, and his manipulative tactic to say he was is just that.  Stay strong!

You and your son... .are all that matters...

The only way to a mothers heart is to love her child... .x

It ... .doesn't ... .matter ... .what ... .he ... .thinks ... .

It doesn't.

He's allowed to think whatever he wants.

And you are allowed to not agree with him.

You don't need his permission. You don't need his agreement. You don't need anything from him. You get to make your own decisions.

x

When dear Lord, is that finally going through my skull ... .

It doesn't matter... .so so true... .thank you x

So according to my exBPDbf I treat him second best and I only wanted to know him so I had somewhere to stay out of the city and I havent changed... .where on earth is this all coming from?


Butterfly

It is tempting to try to make sense of what a pwBPD says, I understand that urge, but the fact is that there IS NO making sense of it.

Their emotions are disordered, and as a result, so are their thoughts and conclusions and theories.

You must disengage yourself, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally from the vortex.

NO MORE TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT!  Simply because we can't, and you'll set your brain on a high blender speed trying to do so.

The further and the longer you are truly NC, the more peace you'll get from trying to figure it out. 

At least in my experience ... .

VanessaG

Well it was my dads 70th bday party today and my exBPDbf was in fine form today sending me messages that he had cut up a beach towel and swimmers that i left there, he ate "my brats" easter egg, he smashed a photo frame i made him and a ornament that i gave him when we got back together, that i dont care less about anything but what i want and dont think about what other people are going through, that he wasnt going to apologise for his behaviour today that i make him sick and act that way that i have to remember that he has got no family and that i am all that he has got that he considers me as family; I simply sent a message "I am not going to argue with you" and left it at that... .

Butterfly

I am confused, Butterfly.

How is it that he is even able to be in touch with you, call you, text you?  Didn't you change your mobile?  Or block him?

I think you've made a decision to cut him out of your life, and I think that's a wise choice.  And yet, you're still engagin with him ... .   Any response to a text is contact, and telling him you're not going to argue with him, is in fact, engaging him.

If you didn't GET these messages, then you wouldn't be tempted to be in touch, or ruminate about WHY he is doing the nonsensical thing that he is doing.

I think the big question you need to ask yourself is if you've decided this person is unhealthy for you and your son and that you need to disengage, why do you keep allowing him entry into your life, cell phone, thoughts, spirit, and peace?

I know it's hard, believe me, but looking at your situation, it seems so obvious to me what you need to do.  Listen to your HEAD, and give your HEART some time to catch up.

x

VanessaG

No I am not full NC yet I have got my aunty to get me a sim card for my mobile in her name the last time I went NC with him when I ended up going to the police he found out my number somehow which got me absolutely bamboozled I get my sim card tomorrow so I will soon be at peace hopefully he has threatened to come to my house where I live with my parents and son - it wont be a very warm welcoming at all if he does... .he already has two dropped AVO's against his name on file with the police and I have kept all his threats and intimidating texts on my phone... .he is quiet tonight thank god though it is Saturday night probably out on the booze trying to hunt down the next victim

Butterfly

Well its my birthday today and my aunty has arrived to help me celebrate with my son and parents and Ive got my new sim card so i am really and truely NC what a present... .PEACE... .the best present ever after the wonderfull display of BPD yesterday at my dads party... .going to have a quiet relaxing bday with the ones that really truely care about me and respect me... .

Butterfly

HAPPY BIRTHDAY butterfly. I see you have lots or friends on these board and another new one here. I hope its a day all about you.

Best wishes

Hey Thanks Mate!  :) Being pretty blessed with the weather it's a sunny Autumn day here in Ole Sydney Town off to enjoy the day in peace... .what a bizarre feeling it will be... .NO STRESS & Peace n Quiet !

Butterfly

Sounds great.enjoy every minute of it. Cooler autumn day here in Adelaide but nice enough to take the kids to see the koala and Kangaroos in the hills.

 |iiii   Good on you and enjoy the peaceful days!

If you're anything like me, you might be surprised how suddenly you realize you actually kind of MISS the drama ... .  I was shocked by that because I'm the antithesis of a drama queen.  It was fleas  my-issues I suppose, but I recall how surprised (and irritated at myself) I was because there was a very real part of me that WANTED him to contact me.

Lots o' mixed emotions.  Buckle your seat belt.  The bumps in the ride may not be over.

x

VanessaG

Happy Birthday to you

When the drama ends, the adrenaline pump stops... and wauw... .a big hole there!

Feeling empty, starting to miss, idolizing the good times... .we have all been there i guess... at least i was also...

But maybe in your case it s not and you are keeping on enjoying the peace... .keep the strength  x

My dearest bpdfamily.com friends where would I be without you guys thank you for my well wishes for my birthday x

Without a word of a lie I miss my exBPDbf soo much I really do its like my arm has been chopped off he was a part of my life for four and a half years... .maybe if I didnt have my son it would be a very different situation but I do and my ex is not well and when you are a mum you put your children first I know I cant afford to have my boy around my exBPDbf it is not healthy at all... .as much as I remember the goods times and miss the little things so dearly  :'( I also remember the hurtfull times that no logical thinking healthy man would say and do to me to keep me strong and on the yellow brick road out of oz... .I know I still have a very loong journey till I am fully over this... .Thank you to all of you out there I value your support and opinions so so so much

Butterfly

You are brave |iiii

And yes you and your son are the most important right now... .

You are not alone on your yourney but i know it feels like an amputation...

Sometimes it takes a clean cut to cure the wound... .and take the sick part away before it effects the whole body... .

In a while the pain lessens and you will be healty and happy again... .bless you x

No Bless You manon46... .you have posted so many times on my thread and I really appreciate you taking the time to do that - I thank you for your support      x

Dont know bout being brave I have my blue moments usually before I go to bed and have a good cry... .it's a brave face I put on in front of my son !

Butterfly

Don't need to thank me sweet x

And before bed cry all your tears, it s cleansing... .

You do need a lot of support to make it through, i know i did...

Take good care of yourself, your health,and your son... .you will make it... .

Go on girl, for you and your son... .x

Actually, I would forget about the txt message and just go NC without saying a word. And if he comes by your house, then let the police tell them some final words. It works!

Seems extreme, but it's not. True, we nons brings issues to the table and this is the reason we stood so much craziness or abuse; but we got enmeshed in a very dysfunctional relationship mostly because we are in denial. As I read this, I am thinking is highly offensive and unbearable the things he say and do to you, but my other thought is: "What, can a person really do this; is this even possible?" And that "denial" is part of what get us so worked up and enmeshed. It really is Oz.