BPDFamily.com

Can anybody please give me a good synopsis of what a BPD person is like?

I need to hand it to my husband's T and psychiatrist.

Lvs, I understand your intentions are good, but please don't do like I did and try to educate the professional mental help professional who is dealing with your Husband's therapy. Not only are you pegging yourself as a "fixer" but you're attaching yourself and entering into his therapy- violating the boundaries of the therapist (it's getting crowded in there with all these personalities to consider; family of origin as well... .) This isn't disengaging from him- it's enmeshment. (If you meant to post this on the L2 staying board, then please accept my apologies for thinking that you are in the midst of L3 disengaging.)

If you are trying to leave, your mental health is what is important, not his. You also have to heal- and you cannot do that when you are expending energy into a "fix-it" mode and waiting for the results of his therapy. His therapy is going to take years, maybe even decades if he is sincere.

I had to learn this the hard way. This was a battle with myself.  By letting go of my malignant optimism and concern that I could control the disorder, I was able to concentrate on my own reasons for my fixing behaviors, which ultimately were an excuse for not taking responsibility for my own wellness. I figured that, if I was involved, I was needed, I would be valued and subsequently loved. Now I understand the difference between loving to be needed and needing to be loved.

These boards are a step by step process really, and go from 1 to 6. Everyone has their own timeline- but I would look into the staying board if you are going to expend the energy with trying to make it work. Otherwise, it looks as though you are leaving- but secretly controlling and hoping for a reunion. If your Husband has a disorder, you'll need to come to terms with it and have acceptance- anything else is futile and detrimental to your own well-being. Leave it to the psychiatry and hope for the best- but take care of yourself first.

Some excellent points here, 2010.  When I was still trying to work things out with my (now) X, I felt much of the same frustration.  He and I went to 8 marriage counselors and he lied like a rug in each one -- in fact he got better and better at it.

Somewhere between number 5 and 6 I think, finally he decided (thank Heaven I thought) that he needed to see a psychiatrist, he "wasn't thinking right".  And the acting out got worse and worse, stranger and stranger at home.  The Doc would have nothing to do with me, even to listen to me for the details after X was hospitalized and the Doc couldn't be reached.  It was a Memorial Day weekend as a matter of fact, and the Doc hadn't left anyone on call.

I was convinced that there was no way the Doc could have been getting the full picture about X.  Finally in desperation I recorded a letter to the Doc and to X, that I asked that they play at the appt.  Which they did, and according to X, the Doc's reaction was to say "well, she's really angry at you, isn't she."

(For a final weird twist to the story, X admitted to me AFTER I TOLD HIM I NEEDED TO LEAVE THE MARRIAGE, that he had duped the psychiatrist.  I don't know what those details are and the further away from it I get, the less I want to know.)

I'm sure that it wouldn't be appropriate or well-received to try to inform a mental health professional about the subject of BPD, but they might be receptive to details about your interaction with your S.O. -- but to what end?

2010 raises a good point -- is your objective to give it one more shot or to leave?  If to leave, then, yes, it's time to let it go.  Sad I know.

What i am living now i don't know if i can call it  he is trying to bring me back to him and change my mind about staying in separate houses and do everything to guilt me and turn my kids against me and threaten that something might happen to him if he lives in separate house

You can revue his meeting with me and my kids when he was trying to justify why he can't leave me

Re: No crime - I

« Reply #53 on: May 17, 2010, 04:20:03 PM »

both posts in this page

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=119206.40

And his first appointment with T and psychiatrist when he said the psychiatrist told him we should stay in the same house the details in this post   

Re: No crime - I

« Reply #58 on: May 21, 2010, 12:46:27 PM »

I want to leave but i am forced to stay First lack of finances and fear of him taking my kids bc his brother can support him and he can pay for a good lawyer but i am alone to fight with no money second he is getting work income for being laid off work so he will find good excuse to not give me child support

Third and for most the rage that he was having before he decide to act nice and the threaten to kill me and my daughter scare me to leave him without him agreeing bc when in rage he doesn't know what he is doing and i am fearful too if i left him i could become soo depressed he might kill me or kill himself or both

That's why i need to convince him through his T and psychiatrist that staying in separate houses is better for both of us

i know it is hard i don't have any power other than my knowledge about his illness

All i am doing now is forcing my boundaries and waiting a light of hope


but i am doing everything i can do getting advice reading books and articles seeing T working on myself and my kids well being and trying to deal with my situation in a wise way even i know in any decision there is a risk i am trying to figure out the best one for my safety and my kids safety at the same time i am trying to save money and look for a second job

What do you think?