BPDFamily.com

Ok got that email after almost a year NC... .been over a week and I haven't responded... .took the day off today to take care of some stuff and I am now in an epic struggle to not respond... .

I want to send, "I could say a million things... .or I could say nothing... .in a few simple words... .yeah it was a terrible waste... ."

Write your response and post it here.  Or write it and print it and burn it... .or shred it... .or punch it.  Just don't send it.  You may have regrets if you send it.  Try your best to stay no contact.  It's worth it!

Hang in there buddy.

I fell off the wagon and got whipped again.

It is my lesson.

I know, isn't that ideal thought so alluring... .

I think she has laid terrible waste to you my friend. Just like mine has laid terrible waste to me.

Darn straight, it was a terrible waste.

ravill - the ideal was amazing... .the dream is she would get it together and we'd live the life I had dreamed of living one day... .

Goodness. If I would have gone NC for a year, I think I would be so much better by now.

I envy and don't envy you my friend.

I'm sure I would have a tough time dealing with a random out of the blue email.

From your response in your first post, do you think you want to express more anger or dissapointment to her?

i promise you... .any response... would not be good for you... .

there arent many options... .

1. she wants to tell her how wonderful her life is now... but still needs to share that after a year.

2. who ever he was ran for the hills. and shes pulling you out of the bull pen

3. she has been in intense therapy... and is all better now... (that not likely either.)

her text all ready did the damage... .

your doing great... .dont invite anymore pain... .

NewStart --

Your silence is the best communication you have.  Your SILENCE says it all!  Be happy with saying it ALL!

Turtle

Listen to this woman. She knows what she's talking about. Write the response. Spill your heart out. Say what you need to say. But DO. NOT. SEND. IT! You will only open the lines of communication, allowing her to lure you in with the false hope that your dream may come true. Before long you will be right back in the same place you were before and your psyche will be significantly worse off.


You know that's never going to happen. It's completely normal for you to want that, even to dwell on it and long for it. I think we all do to some extent. I know I do. But at some point we have to let go of the fantasy and come back to reality. The dream is false. Don't spend the rest of your life chasing something that can never be. It would be a terribly unfortunate existence for you, my friend.

Dems fightin' words to a Borderline!... .all she'll hear is blame. But then, that's what you intended, right?  Just be aware that Borderlines do not understand victimization unless it is their own- so your blame, (which casts you as a victim) will be perceived as persecutorial.

This cloak of blame that you cast off on to her may have been her intention all along- as a testing of the disorder to see if you were open to sadistically responding- so she could feel a sense of masochism. Her disorder relies on a level of private thinking, feeling and decision making that is based on early childhood decisions and parental training. That's a script running inside her mind.

While your intention in the beginning of the relationship was helpful, hers was a subconscious manipulation with a hidden agenda. This was, and has always been, her intent. Life with a Borderline always has a scripted position and a primary drama switch from rescuer to persecutor to victim. Two people can't be in the same position for long, at the same time.

The switch happens when you least expect it- and sometimes in hindsight you'll think- gee how did I get here? Whatever role that you do NOT know how to do well will be the one that gets to you most... .With Borderline Personality disorder, for most of us, that role is the sadism- the persecutor role. That role is unacceptable (misunderstood: how can I be the persecutor? WTH?) from the victim indication. To reach out- persevere and be vulnerable are all positive aspects that are turned into sadistic criticisms by a Borderline.

There's nothing you can do to change this. The Borderline has a scripted favorable position- Victim. You will never usurp her from her throne.

Don't prove her right about the persecutor. Dont send a response. Your silence speaks volumes.

Hi -- what has worked for me is to write out a letter, literally long-hand --- it's a more tactile thing than doing it on the computer -- then edit the draft, write it out again til it says everything I want to say and how I want to say it.  Put it in a snail-mail envelope, put a stamp on it, seal it -- so that it has everything BUT the name and address.  Walk it up to the corner mailbox and drop it in.

It takes that "epic" energy and puts it to use, while maintaining NC.

Catharsis.

A good thing.