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Well, my ex BPDgf of five years keeps playing games. She broke no contact a few times over something nonsensical and obviously made up (to protect me of course). I played into it, wanting to see what she was doing (this was two weeks after our breakup). She went on to tell me she is weaning off of the meds, she will see a counselor soon, she still loves me but made the right decision in leaving for both our sakes. Then a couple of emails.

It got worse. I bumped into her by accident 2 weekends ago. She shifted moods from serious to sad to flirty. She was telling me how tempted she was to come over my house in lingerie one night. We had a little joke about it and both agreed that would not be a good idea. She then said, "It's too bad you know. This is the best I have ever looked and I look damn good in lingerie." I rejected her advances. She then sent another email thanking me for something. I ignored it. She left a comment on one of my new pictures (she is a model, I do photography) on a website we are part of for networking. I ignored it as well.

She did not like this "rejection." She proceeded all week to go on the forums when I was present and telling everyone how:

-she wanted to get laid

-she needs a cold shower today

-come on girls, lets go out, drink and troll for men

-lets go to this place (someplace we used to go) and do this and that (something we did together for five years)

-referencing me once as well with something she did for me once

I think she just wants a reaction out of me. Or she wants to see if I will jump on the hook. Or just wants attention from me? I don't know. I am staying off of the forums as much as possible when she's around. I am continuing to just ignore her. Thoughts on these games? Anyone have similar stories?

She's definitely trying to seduce you!  I applaud you for not responding.  BPD's want what they can't have.  Once you give in she will just go back to her old ways... .yes it's very very hard to not give in.  Remember, it's all about the BPD not you!

Yeah I think she is. She keeps playing these games. I have been ignoring her lately and she has turned bitter, leaving blame messages to me on her facebook page (yes I looked, have to stop doing that) and trying to make me jealous. Either she wants to have sex, get back together or just wants to "win." (having me come to her and she declining).

Seems like you are playing with fire here. 


Are you really wanting to disengage with her?  An important question to ask yourself.

If you are, then I think it best to stop seeing her and knowing what she is posting. 

"The only winning move is not to play" -Wargames

Ha! Ahh yes the infamous facebook page.  I’ve given in to temptation and viewed my uBPD exgf’s profile a few times.  I look at her pictures where she’s out drinking with friends and hanging all over guys.  I use to get very upset seeing these kinds of things.  But then one day it hit me, this is all a fake front, a false bravado.  She’s a scared little girl inside.  I’ve witnessed her self destructive behavior.  I’ve seen her throw temper tantrums like a three year old.  And when it’s all said and done she’s the one alone.  She’s the one who’s pushed away everyone who has ever loved her…

In order to understand this, you have to think like a Borderline.  You’ll also need to understand a little bit about your photography career and about what it means psychologically to a model and to yourself.  That’s not going to be easy- but if you are ready to consider it, you’ll begin to understand that this photographer/model relationship was a set-up for falsehood from the start-that is, if both people could not separate their identities from the photo fantasies.  When you do photography for a living (the work of the magician,) when you deal with fantasy, you will have trouble keeping it from seeping into your personal life unless you understand the pitfalls.  :)ealing with things above the surface can keep you afloat, but what’s hidden underneath has to be dealt with in order to live an authentic life.

Borderline can be easily mistaken for Narcissism and Narcissism can easily be mistaken for Borderline.  You have to look deep within to see the difference and find the reward for both.  Follow the reward.

Models get allot of attention for their physical appearance. Their beauty must be noticed in order to feel a sense of esteem.  (Psychologists call this somatic narcissism.)  Somatics place great emphasis on their bodies and face and generally have difficulties when they age, i.e.; their reward system fails.  Many somatics fall into depression and begin self destructive “acting out” behaviors.  Caution: we are entering the realm of cluster B personality disorders.

Many older Borderlines are failed narcissists. They began life with a concept of grandiosity and then painfully realized that most of their life was an attempt to singlehandedly fix an aging façade. Failing that, they surrounded themselves with sycophants who were human repositories of past glory.   Failing to find sycophants, they tried to find strong personalities that supported their idea of their own beauty (their idea of reward.) But I’m getting ahead of myself.   I have a feeling that your girlfriend is still young.

Without someone to look at her, she has no payoff. She has to find people that will give her attention-(that is her reward.)  The best people are photographers.  Photographers are magicians. Photographers give her something that’s more valuable than reality; they give her a record of fantasy, a photograph. They support the Narcissism. Photographers also NEED models to exist.  It’s a binary reward system.

Photographers need models, models need photographers. Narcissism is about attention and reward.  Borderline is all about attachment and reward.  Borderlines are cunning purveyors of who is best suited for attachment.  Their idea of who this desired person is- can be summed up by their reward system.   How rewarding are you?

Somatics need to be told how great they look. They not only want to be photographed, they need to be photographed.  It is their proof to themselves to quiet that gnawing grandiosity gap in their mind. The grandiosity gap is the gap between how great they think they are (really great! =fantasy) and how they really are (average, common, aging, a perishable good =reality.) Because of this grandiose gap, they must get some sense that they exist and are rewarded. That’s where you come in. You have power.   You give life to her false self.  Why would she want to let that go?

You can give her what she wants-(very rewarding to her idea of her persona) and you can also take it away (withdrawing, punishing and cruel) There is a reason that you photograph- it is your existence and proof of existence to others.  She knows this- it’s how you were brought together.  She also knows that you photograph others, so attention seeking and acting out behaviors are also a desire to obliterate the competition and keep you focused (no pun intended) on her.  Anyone else who gets your attention was and is envied in a “transformation of aggression” and put down by her- that's why she broke contact to tell you of gossip. (Pathological envy is the hallmark of malignant narcissism.)

Borderline is a series of “acting out” behaviors, while Narcissism is attention seeking behavior.  From a quick glance, they look the same- but Narcissism is the fear that “I don’t exist,” unless I do this (fill in the blank.)  Borderline is the fear that “I won’t exist without you to exist for me.”  

So, which do you think it is?  :)o you think it's I don't exist unless I am told I am beautiful? Or... .Do you think it's I dont exist unless I am beautiful enough to have AG70 photograph me, subsume me and make me his own vision? Both have insecurities that hide behind a false mask to become someone else. Both utilize a personality concept- but one works toward an isolated identity while the other is fused.  :light:

2010

Incredible insight. We did not meet as photog/model but was for most of the r/s. Five years. Now I feel lost. I know she does too from her posts. But, she is BPD. She slept with her married boss. These are things I cannot get over (cannot trust her again) and I know I will be in for a living hell. So, taking her back ever is not an option. This is the third breakup in five years. I am the narcissist. She is the borderline. She also has narcissistic qualities as well as some hpd traits.

I guess this is hard. We were bf/gf. We were photog/model and artist/muse. Best friends, well supposedly.

She turned out to be someone else inside. And that person is scary. I guess I am still having a hard time accepting it all and moving on.

I see so many people on here harp on about fb and other internet pages... .if you want to move on block her... .don't look!  That is te only way you can ever move on, trust me on that.

Phoenix

She is clearly evil; however you may send her to my house if you need to.

I'm just sayin.