BPDFamily.com

Dear all,

my ex was diagnosed BPD, but according to your stories I don’t understand what type of BPD he is.

Seems that all BPD people jump from a r/s into another.

But, before me, he only had a “long” r/s, many years before me when he was very young which lasted two years. I was the first with the ring, the one to be introduced to his family, living together, almost three years together etc. But after me, and apart from these two r/s, he only had so many and very short r/s. He’s a seducer, and likes women and sex very much (and women love him), he needs all this, but he doesn’t pass from a r/s to another, even if he would like to. I mean I think that even if he tries he doesn’t commit so easy, his r/s don’t last and don’t even really start. So what I’m asking is what type of BPD is he? Did you have a r/s with someone with a similar story?

If he needs to seduce women for sex- he is passing from one relationship to another, even if they are one-night stands. (Somewhere in all of this there's a woman or two that wanted more than he could or was willing to give.) If he's a Narcissist, he's going to value, then when he's through having sex, devalue and discard women as objects- objects used for attention, admiration and grandiose thinking of how great he is as a lover.  If he's a Borderline, he's going to have sex in order to sell himself on you for keeps- which in Borderline thinking is the time between selling himself and declaring bad judgment of you as well as himself which causes him to go off and find someone else to call him good.

The Narcissist doesn't feel badly about it. The Borderline does.

Thank you so much 2010.

Well, I know he's borderline. And I think he wants sex to have love, attention and care, to feel less alone. It's strange but I think this is what he knows he does best (sex) and likes so much too, and he has learned is a good way to keep somebody - but for how long?

I have read of BPD types, and I can partially recognize him with the waif. Often a victim, often blaming.

After we broke up he was upset and ill, passed through many one-night-stands and drugs and crazy things. When we were together he was better then now - but I was ill. Now he doesn't have someone to make suffer, and love too (if this can be called love). But, he keeps on texting me, calling me. I know it is my narcissism and my issues that make me think I still mean something for him, but he didn't find someone else to love after me, and it's been two years since we left. And he's handsome, young and seductive, and reading all these stories I don't understand why.

Well, my exBP didn't go from one relationship to the next so quickly.  He would go years between relationships.  He has had many relationships, but then he's 40 and I've done the same thing at 38, and I'm not borderline.  He spends the time between completely alone, save for a couple of one night stands here and there in which there is no possibility or even desire of a relationship.

Mine is a "rescuer"-- he likes relationships where he is superior in some way so he has something to give in order for his SO to feel dependent.  In my case it was money and resources.  So maybe he's unusual in that he's a caretaker as well as being BPDed-- not sure how common that is.  I know when I left he said he felt useless.  I think that says a lot about the type of role he saw himself in.

Grim

Thanks Grim, mine was a caretaker too, at the beginning. And he was so attentive, then things changed... .I would like so much to understand things, but I think I will never, never understand... .

Maybe the caretaker is another "seducer" flavor.  They seduce with promises that you'll be taken care of in some way.  They know the price they have to pay for your love is to give you something you need, be it love, money, understanding, etc. 

Grim

Yes, they know they MUST give you what you need, even if it is something they don't need too. That's why, maybe, in the end they can't stand the false self they have built for us, because they feel frustrated for this.

So hard to understand, and so sad too.

Hi sunrise2010,

If you feel your guy isn't cheating, then thats all that matters, for you know him better than anyone here, just take precaution nonetheless, ok? My BPD sortaX never makes me feel he is with anyone else but i still take precautions bc he is BPD wth a very high profile job, the type job, Bartender, i wouldn't normally date a guy did and we don't live together. I'm very safe with him since we are again back in contact but bc i have a chest cold i'm not able to reengage with him as he is trying to everyday now. He even wants to come by and bring me something, yeah right! but our chemistry is so powerful i don't want to see him until im stronger, healthier again if i decide to.

be safe!

Thank you RealEyes!

He's not my guy anymore. He's my ex. We broke up two years ago, but he always called me to get back. Anyway, we can't be together, I suffer too much. What I know about him is not what he tells me, but what friends tell me. I know after me he had lots of one-night -stands, but I also know he didn't have a r/s after me. Which means nothing because, as a matter of fact, we can't be together. That's all.

Thank you for the reality check.

After understanding more about BPD, it makes sense as to why they would prefer one night stands or even legalized sex workers rather than a real r/s if they aren't trying to act like they want a real one anyway while making us miserable or passing some STD to us. Mine is very safe with me all the time, that matters to me BIG TIME in any r/s and the fact he doesn't make me think he's actually having one night stands even thou he may be doing such makes me respect him for that, at least.

take care!