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Eachtime she'd dump me, she'd have grin like a Cheshire cat on her face, and she'd stare at me and very softly say, "It's for the best". I always played it cool, and acted like I wasn't bothered, then as I was walking away, she'd blow me a kiss while still having that psychotic smile on her face.

I recalled a time when she was giving me abuse down the phone, so I told her I'm not taking it anymore and I put the phone down on her. I switched my phone off because I really couldn't be bothered with her, then I went a step further and snapped my sim card up. A few days later I put my other sim card in my phone, but didn't realize she had the number. My phone went, I answered it, and it was her. She was begging me not to leave her, and to come and see her because she wanted to salvage what we had.

Like a complete fool I travel over a hundred miles to go see her; I get to hers and she's got that psychotic grin on her face again. She very calmly told me to sit down so we could talk, and she said (still smiling), "I've brought you here to tell you that I can't be with you because I think you're worthless. I'm going on a date on Saturday". I replied, "You made me travel 100 miles to tell me you don't want to be with me because you think I'm worthless, and to tell me you're going on a date?" Still smiling, she replied, "Would you have come if I told you this on the phone?"

Anyway, with that grin on her face and her eyes affixed on me, she said, "Shhh, let's just have sex". I was like "What? Get off me, freak!" She started demanding that I have sex with her immediately, and I said, "No way! I'm leaving". So she began pursuing me around the house and chased me up stairs even. I kept pushing her away, and this was driving her even more crazy.

I've noticed this exact same smile with other disordered people; it seems to be a defense mechanism to prevent them from feeling inner pain.

   yes

Just watched 9 1/2 weeks and the Mickey Rourke 'scary smile' that he put on when he was manipulating his GF was pretty much the same one I got whenever he wanted something, and knew I wasn't going to like it much

Oh, and I think the smile is to unnerve you.

It reminded me of a story I read about the Nazi "Angel of Death" Josef Mengele. He would smile at children and give them sweets before he would send them to the gas chambers.

wow. thats one of the craziest stories i've heard, or read on here. what a nightmare of a person.

It was strange, after the break up, my mind's eye kept presenting me with the end scene from Silence Of The Lambs, where Dr Lecter is in a disguise and phones Clarice up from a public phonebox to tell her he's having someone for lunch. It was my subconscious way of saying, "Your BPD ex has finished with you and is now disguised (mirroring) and ready to claim her next victim (her new guy).

Yes, I've seen that smile.

The day before my BPDw filed false dmv charges she went into a rage because I was searching the vehicle she drives for some of the things she had taken for me.  She came out to the car and quite angily asked what I was doing and then turned around and went in the house and got the keys to the other car I was driving.  She came back outside with our 2 yr old son, left him in the grass,  and starting tearing through the other car.  Once this occurred I stepped out of her car and tried to calm the situation down, but she continued.  She found my new checkbook and I asked her to hand it to me.  She then opens the rear door of the car and falls into the back seat stating she'd scream.  I backed up several feet and then that crazed smile appeared along with the words "I'm going to get you for physical abuse.  At that point I said the hell you are and called 911.   The police came and nothing happened other than her leaving with her friends.   I will never forget that smile.

The next day she filed charges.

For about a week or two prior she was acting strange and doing things that I now understand were probably to provoke actions by me that she could charge me with dmv, but I simply ignored her actions and carried on.  Ironically, the day before her rage, my conversations with friends and family

were considering she was going to try to do something like this.  

the smile... .

that creepy, vile, malevolent, unholy grin. nothing says "I hate your guts and am SO enjoying putting the screws to you" better. I will never forget that smile or the fact that I stuck around after the first one.

SK

Yep.  The one night she got over-the-top physical with me, I couldn't take it anymore and put my hand on her throat.  I immediately backed away, shocked that I had been pushed that far, and she gave me the grin, slyly saying "there you go."

Yes.  And to her friends she would laugh about the ways that she hurt me.

Hereforhealing, every time I hear about the horrific ordeal you went through, it just makes me shudder. I really hope one day you mend from this. 

hallo grin-lovers,

I was also falsely accused of DV and see manipulated the judge to place an RO on me, even do the

medical report gave not a sign not a brush, no nothing, even if she told (attention, somebody listening)

them I had strangled her so hard that she could not breath, almost fainted... .gaga gaga, which should have led to bluemarks on her neck. the wacko btch called me some weeks later and asked me over,WTH,

oh no, we might, as she insisted between blue eyes chat, to talk in the blocks parkinglot, great she said,

I will bring coffes and buns. had a weird feeling from the start and the chat we had were of character

which could been made over phone, so I said I want to get away from here, with all kinds of small tricks

the time spent has been over halfanhour, and the last thing she did was hugging me and kissed me a long

one, It was then I reckend the blue-lights in rear mirror from copcar blocking my way, AND IT WAS THERE

I HAD THAT GLANZING LOOK   IN HER EYES AND SMILE WHILE SAYING BIE-BIE, and I felt her hand in my

club-blazerjacket... .I was charged with violating the RO, and furthermore narcotics for personal use as

she had, YES IT WAS MINE, taken from me long time ago, pressed down the little plastic-bag with

1.6  of cocaine, 2.0 from start, what happened with the 1/2 gram ?, ... .planted in my plastic-mug with

coffee from her, and when they handcuffed med I know I screamed to officer that take a look in the backseat for the thermos and mugs and bunny.scrap as -I was invited by Her ! None here pal, as I saw

her walk away with her basket under arm... .SELF TO BLAME, maybe, 60 days in prison for a set-up !

 

wl

Wow you got to be kidding me. I thought I had it bad. You got me beat for sure. That sounds pure evil in its vindictivness

Jesus, that's out of this world. When these people react out of fear, they will really go to any lengths to bring you down, and they don't have a shred of empathy at all.

My BPDxw ine clearly enjoyed the pain and worry she caused.  I often got the evil grin as she was threatening to destroy my career and life.

thanks guys,

I say as F.Zappa (btw, You know he ain´t gone, just smells bad lol) "You wanna some more, I arrived

to her ghetto-parking in my 500 CLK, at the time couple of years on the neck 1999, and this was back in

2005 so donno how much worth but costed 200K new runned 80000 miles, anyways not locked while transportation to PD, and when I was bailed out day on, GONE... .she phoned from car saying she borrowed it and look after it as she did´nt know when I would be back... .so again, as they are experts on convincing the whole law-enforcment I was sentaced and meanwhile I served time I read an ad about similar car for sale in the news-paper, a bit adjusted facts and milage, but I wonder how that car looked like as it was bargained to 15K, thought no more as she (lied) and I was told back in my garage... .

the btch had copied my homekeys and knew the a-codes so she had been taken registration-paper , signed her as owner and faked my signature, and that was never any charge against her as she told them

that she had the mission to do so and that the car was in miserable condition, (mint), and that she had

cost for the sale and she did put 11.5K on my account. when I was furious about her actions, not so much

about the sale, but frauding my name on legal papers, she replyed that she almost kept it as "I owned her that". YEAH she could have had it if I thight her up in it just before I would have pushed it off the cliffs... .

They have NO NO NO respect for other persons materials and their motto must be "MINE IS MINE, AND YOURS TO, NOT to mention how the can´t wait for a gradification, ALL NOW, just like the 5-year old in their emotionel dramas, but placed in a body the use for GOLD DIGGING. WE ARE WELL, THEY ARÉ NOT.

HAPPY WE :light:  

I can give you more, but thats all for this weekend folks, regards from

WL

I got the same thing, its amazing how the only time i think they felt joy was that smile, so deep and evil... .

Yes, I saw the smile.

I would not have believed it had I not experienced it. She presented herself as this super-kind compassionate person whose only fault was that

she was too vulnerable and too sensitive to others pain. Well, she did sense pain but I realized later she enjoyed it.

I saw the smile twice actually. First time when we first met. It was as if she was seeing through me. I know realize she was sizing me up as a good victim. The second time I saw it was when she hurt me so terribly I was nearly suicidal. She totally dumped me in a strange city for a guy I hated. She knew that was the worst torture for me. She got almost nose to nose with me and said very clearly, "I'm leaving with X." She said it as if it was the most wonderful thing in the world and she had this sick twisted smile on her face. I will never forget it.

Ohhh boy. Hell yes. After she moved out I poured my heart out to her. I am not one to cry but I was crying. She sat there with this grin on her face. It was the most cruel thing anyone has ever done to me.  I called her out on it. She told me she had done all her crying before. This was a lie because the times she did cry in front of me it was about her past never about us. One of the things I am proud of is that I turned her down for angry sex. I knew better. If I used her to purge my anger (especially with sex) the bond would have been that much stronger. I kept some boundaries. They saved me in the end... .My boundaries were disappearing as the r/s went along, I might have gotten lucky when I decided to leave for a long weekend without her. When I got back she didn't want to touch me... .Three days of that and we agreed to call it quits 

This post has jolted me. That smirk has been displayed on numerous occasions (The last time 2 days ago) and it so activates me that I need to remove myself as quickly as possible to avoid a physical blow from me, a massive one. This type of 'taunting' (to me) is the most insidious and ignites my anger to an explosive level in about 1.2 seconds.

It clearly indicates evil intent, intention to hurt, humiliate and devalue. I am not detached enough as of yet to be immune to this type of provocation. If our partners were 'male' we would likely attack them physically for the insult and the disrespect. It's at that moment though that 'reality' hits me square in the face and I thank God she and I are no longer married. It further reveals to me the cost of my rescue/caretaker mindset.  I know if it were not for our daughter, our paths would most likely only cross by accident.

I have not, even at this late stage of living, ever experienced a 'healthy' mutually giving, trusting and respectful relationship. It is on my 'bucket list' to do so, 

AN 

i got the smile, but it was nowhere near as bad as any of these stories. never cruel, always just annoying. usually it came in the context of her saying or doing something petty during a fight. it was just a sort of cutesy, childish thing. i empathize with wanting to throw an anvil at it though.

This smile thing is really creeping me out :-s.

in many of these stories the BPD sounds more like a psychopath... .are u sure u got the diagnosis right?

I only got the smile from his mother... .who I strongly suspect is a psychopath... .

but not from him... .he was always in pain... .suffering... .

I never saw that smile to be honest. I saw the blank stare, that intense look in her eyes in the beginning... her sensuality... but I never saw that smile. Even if she's probably a pwBPD she's not as malicious as most on this board seem. She's very hurtful, but when she is, she always makes sure to let you know it's coming from being hurt herself.

She did have a "sad smile" though. Whenever an ex texted her, and it would happen very often, she would smile. She'd be happy about him not forgetting her, but at some level it was almost as if she remembered what she had done to him. Usually she would look at the floor and say "I think he was genuinely in love with me". I know it looks like an attempted triangulation (read definition) (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=121673.0), but I don't think that was all there was to it. I think she really showed remorse during those times.

But it means nothing, because she will never admit it to the ex in question and she will continue to torture him.

I just remember my ex showing pleasure or chuckling about how he'd treated his ex's in the past.  Berating his last ex, calling her terrible names, etc... .and he talked about it like he was excited about it, enjoyed it.  Talked about leaving the pg mother of his child as she sat on the couch with a friend making wedding plans.  He laughed. 

How/why I didn't see this, I don't know.  Not a clue as to why there was no  :light: for me when hearing this. 

I'm sure he laughs about me now.  Let him enjoy... .his day will come, here or on the other side of the grass. 

I know that sadistic smile all too well.

My mom had this smile when she had my hair cut off when I was 12 and pretended to have nothing to do with it yet she gave me this smile and told me I looked like a boy.

My ex had this smile when he would hold me down so I could not go anywhere.  He never yelled, just smiled this sadistic smile. 

An ex friend also had this smile when she would do something terrible to me. 

It's no wonder I never trusted clowns and their painted on smiles.

is this a BPD trait?

dont think its a BPD trait, as BPD usually comes along with other disorders. My wife has schitzophrenia to go along with this, so no telling what they will do or say. But just look at all the movies and songs made from this madness. Its real but nobody wants to talk about it. I feel some sort of class should be instituted in our public schools, maybe it wouldnt have taken me until im 40 to figure things out

When you are in the persecutor role anything is possible. This is nothing to some of the other stories... .rape accusations... .assault accusations... .physical abuse... .etc.

Thanks Dragonheart.  Now that our NC is of a more permanent and complete nature, I am starting to really feel better.  I know it will be a long process, but this is definitely the best I have felt yet.  Thanks for your support and everyone else on the forum.

- H4H

i first saw the smile when i caught her emotionally cheating on me via text.  then i saw it when we broke up.  then i saw it the last time i saw her and she was being cold and distant.  everytime i told her stop smiling. 

last time i talked to her on the phone she said she was smiling because she was uncomfortable, embarrassed, and ashamed at her actions.  i told her i already knew that. 

holy moly some of the stories on this thread.

i saw that smile very early on. yet another day/week/month when she simply would not do anything as a housemate. i lost my patience bigtime, and the she was in her element, prolonging the argument. at one point she said with a grin "well you certainly are expressing yourself now!"

Twas Christmas Eve. She appeared unusually dressed with meticulous make up for so early in the morning. She announced she was going to her daughters house to "house sit" because they were out of town for the holiday.

I incredulously watched her walk out of the house swinging her ass hyper provocatively.

As she was backing out of the driveway I walked out and stepped up to her vehicle. She rolled down the window. I asked, "are you seeing someone else"? She said, "if I was you wouldn't know". And she gave me that Cheshire grin and drove away.

When she returned three days later she was served with a thirty day eviction notice. I never touched her physically again and rejected all her usual tearful advances. I did not discuss or explain my reasons. I paid first and last months rent on a cottage for her without her knowledge.

At the end of thirty days of no activity on her part, without announcement, I had a moving company appear and all of her possessions were packed and loaded when she arrived from wherever she was that day. I informed her of her new address and gave her the keys and took back mine. She had a hurt little girl look on her face. I turned and walked away.

Although I will never forget it, I never saw that evil Cheshire grin again.



 

 

all the horror stories, wow!  im so glad to hear im not the only one, and not insane!    Ive seen the evil grin come out when she would deliberately try to make me jealous... .   im so glad to be done with all that bs!   I AM FREE! :)

Ok this thread made me spew coffee. I always see these things exactly when I need to. It's freaky.

My ex had that "Clarice" smile. It was freakin weird. It usually came when she would ask me something totally out of the blue, that was designed to bait me. I think.

Weird thing is, I have been feeling my ex and this sense of foreboding the past couple of weeks after not feeling her for a long time. The feeling came with seeing that smile on her face in my minds eye.  I had to imagine bopping her in the nose until it would fade away.

Every time I think maybe she didn't have BPD, weird little stuff arises to remind me my perceptions were spot on.

yup... my stomach is in knots reading this thread.

My x husband (of two whole months who is now engaged and living with another woman) backed me up into the counter in my kitchen. He was screaming at me and I was cowering in terror trying to get away.

I screamed this wierd little ahhh ahh scream... .pure terror... and he smiled. This crazy arse smile that made a chill go up the back of my spine. I realized at that moment, he knew I was afraid of him, and he liked it.

Ugh. So disgusting.

My most recent exBPDgf would either smile or look at me with a completely apathetic blank face while I would be crying desperately, telling her she was hurting me. She smiled at me as I cried when she said she wanted to break evening plans with me to go drinking with another guy, and when she was texting with a guy that wanted to sleep with her. She was doing that while I was cooking dinner for us. I still have urges to break NC with her, but when I do I try to remember her evil smile and her blank face of apathy.

Mine eerily smiled the night she threatened my life.  Then she glided around the room humming to herself like she didn't have a care in the world.  It was straight out of a horror movie.

She'd also smile while introducing me to others as a "liar, backstabber and thief."

Yes! His eyes would get empty and he would have smirk and look of accomplishment. The day we broke up for good. He had another girl spend the night in OUR house while I was house sitting for a relative. She and I were yelling at each other in the front yard, classy I know. And he was standing on the porch... .watching his masterpiece. I will never forget that look. I moved out the next day.

In another post I mentioned something about how some of us nons have such a hard time seeing the possibility that some of these evil things they do are on purpose and calculated.  That we sometimes blame some of this on an "illness" because we simply can't believe they KNOW and CAN CONTROL what they are doing.  I made the comment that some could be dating sociopaths and not even realize it.  A moderator (?) commented asking me if I saw what I was saying (how I could not when I wrote it is beyond me) and to keep it to BPD.  I did not respond.

BUT this thread and these types of dangers is EXACTLY WHY I made that comment.

Mary87 - you asked if this is a BPD trait.  IMO NO!  Well, not ALL the examples here are a BPD trait.

Some of these behaviors are evidence of psychopathic traits or sociopath (word I used in other thread I believe.)  Anyway - BPD is obviously not the same thing.  VERY important I think to be able to tell the difference to better gauge the DANGER RISK.

Some of these situations sound very dangerous and beyond BPD to me.

Hed spit in my face, and then walk away laughing.

Mine did... in fact she smiled and caught herself when she heard my daughter had broke a bone... it was a turning point for me, taking glee in a child being hurt... horrible. Each time she was painting me black I could expect the whole evil Chesire cat grin thing and lots of very bad behavior.

Noticed lots of what is called "duping delight" as well, she would do something and be amused happy about terrible stuff. My NPD dad was same way only much worse. He was responsible for my grandmother's death... was at her funeral at last viewing and smiled at me like he was happy. (I had already broke all ties with him. Rest of the family caught it all, and followed suit.) Life is to short to keep evil people in it.

I have to agree with this observation. I do believe the moderators are sensitive to straying out of strict BPD descriptions and experiences because under certain conditions the conversation or comments can get, how shall I say?, Out of hand? It is a complicated illness.

Once we go into realms of personality disorders outside of "average" emotions and experiences of the victims (myself) the forum can become volatile and control of the thread is difficult as we attempt to articulate what we have seen beyond the "usual" manifestations of the disorder spectrum. I believe the moderators mean well in attempting to control boundaries and coherent discussion given the differing experiences of the members.

From my studies my over the past year the Personality Disorder spectrum can and does include a whole range of social and personal malfunctions. I cannot in honesty say the person I was involved suffered with Borderline Personality Disorder in the strictest sense, for in truth that is a rare occurrence. I have concluded the person I once knew was afflicted with Histrionic Personality with a heavy overtone of Antisocial traits and habits and morals. Indeed truly dangerous. With the injury of my little dog during the robbery of my home and the fact my elderly mother was alone on the property during this highly criminal act, the situation could have easily escalated to something of horrifyingly dire consequences. I was actually lucky. It could have easily been much much worse. My therapist pointed this out.

For this reason I do not overly discuss the mechanics of what happened then, or much of my interpretations of her malfunction and try to focus on my life now and what we here do have in common. For me this is all about OUR healing. This is about here and now. This is about us. This is about understanding and compassion for ourselves the victims, and them the afflicted to the best of our abilities. We are all in different places searching for the same healing.

Furthermore online resources are not inclusive of the variations of the disorder spectrum, as in I have not located a discussion site for survivors of Histrionic PD or Anti Social disorder per say and therefore have to use what resources that I can find. This site is one of the best going as I have been on others that were completely out of control and not much healing was going on. Lots of venting and lots of ranting and power struggles, and the offerings and selling of "private" services, but very few workable solutions were being formulated for the understanding of and workable conclusions of our dilemma in common. I am of the opinion healing has to be an honest and disciplined guided effort and not a continuous or contentious free for all of ranting and aimless raving. That is my actual observation.

Whatever descriptive "box" the disordered fit in, what ever their injury, the thing I must remember in MY healing is that I am the survivor and they are the sufferer... .regardless of how terrible and horrid their acts. In the end I volunteered to witness the unthinkable, and it changed my life. For the better or the worse? That remains to be seen. It depends on how we conduct ourselves now and I do believe the moderators are sensitive to that. It is unrealistic to think they are going to make the perfect call in each and every situation. After all the are the same as us, just survivors.

You can never be sure what goes on in someone Else's head. You can be sure of the way they are treating you and the way they make you feel. The better question might be why does it matter? Why does someone Else's illness come before your own personal safety and happiness? You show somebody their behavior is bad and uncalled for by putting up boundaries to protect yourself. Rather than trying to help somebody that may not want to be helped (at the expense of yourself) isn't it more helpful to show that person that there behavior is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate it? Not only do you get to protect your own safety and happiness you get to teach those you are in a relationship with what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. If they can not accept or begin to make positive change towards that then you are not in a healthy relationship and it is time to step back.

I got the same thing, its amazing how the only time i think they felt joy was that smile, so deep and evil... .[/quote]
Its a relief to see I am not the only one to use that word. There were so many occasions that his eyes would go empty... .there is no better fitting word than evil.