BPDFamily.com

So I ended the relationship with my BPD girlfriend... .yet again. This time, I can tell it's for good. It's been 2 months and I haven't cried once. I actually look forward to the future. Well, anyway, about two weeks ago she calls me up mentioning that she is late. I panic of course and start praying to whatever god will listen to not have a kid with her. I asked her if she will get a pregnancy test and she told me that her doctor said she has to wait two weeks from the missed period. At first, the story seems legit. That was two weeks ago.

The two weeks go by without any contact from her until last night. We get in an argument about why I left her and how everything wasn't her fault but my fault etc... .etc... .Today, she calls me trying to get back together with me saying she's sorry and she'll change and I say "no." She then says that she still hasn't had her "punctuation mark" yet. I keep telling her to get a pregnancy test at the doctor's or an at home one but she keeps switching her story from "I'll do it in a couple of days" to "I have to wait an additional two weeks."  ? ? She said that two weeks ago... .

I asked her, "when was your last 'punctuation mark?'" She replied around a month ago and then said she doesn't actually know when she usually gets the visit from Aunt Flo. I am a guy so ladies correct me if I'm wrong and excuse my ignorance but don't women usually know their typical date? Hence, the term "that time of the month." I haven't seen her in two months since I ended the toxic relationship and she refuses to get a pregnancy test. Something isn't making sense with her possible pregnancy story.

Would someone with BPD make up something like this to drag me back in? Has anyone else had this "information inconsistency" happen to them?

This has happened to several people here. They often end up saying they lost the baby or someting along those lines.



That's funny

as a girl I used to keep track... .but living with a BPD well its stressful... and they are all over the map... .no sense in tracking it... .he is infertile (thank goodness) if he werent it would concern me more...

she can do an at home preg test... if it was about a month ago... .buy one... .have her do it in front of you tho... .if she is I would get a paternity test before you get all weepy about it... cruel but true... .she may be trying to get knocked up only to "prematurely deliver"

tired1. You are in exactly the same position as me. see my original post: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=144778.0

The situation now is she has told all her friends and insists she is pregnant, but still no real proof. Its been 3 weeks now, so she is apparently 6 weeks gone. She has refused to do a test in front of me because she 'doesn't have to prove herself'

I hate to think that she could be lying, that everything I knew (and loved) about her was wrong, and that she could be capable of such a thing, but after reading on this site for a few weeks i have to be realistic - she probably is capable of such a thing. I've abandoned her, and she wants me back, at any cost. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Anyway i've decided my course of action is to INSIST on a test, that I buy, to be done there and then. Its the only way I can put myself out of this misery. I'm in pieces at the moment and the longer she drags this out the worse i will feel.

I'm pretty sure she will refuse to do the test, but in my mind thats an admission its not real., and from that moment i will go NC until I have REAL proof that she is pregnant with MY child. Its the only way. Otherwise she will continue to dangle me on a string like she has the last fortnight.

If its positive, I will do my best to support that child from a safe distance, but thats something to deal with in 8 months, and deal with it I will.

If its negative, and shes lying... well... .words fail me at the moment. NC of course.

If you don't get anywhere tired1, i would suggest the same action. Its completely out of order that they continue to manipulate us like this even after the relationship is over. My thoughts are with you

She said exactly that the last time I talked to her. It goes from "you're abandoning me" to "I can change take me back" to "I might be pregnant." If she is I will not get back with her but I will support the child and love it. We had been together 4 years and not one pregnancy scare in the whole 4 years. A little strange that we get one 2 months after breaking up with her. Thanks for the support Downright!

exactly the same situation with me! (even the same length of times)

My fear is that shes 'up to something' with one of her many male friends right now, it would be very convenient if she were to get pregnant. Maybe thats why she is refusing to take a test (yet)

The hardest part for me is that someone who i once wanted to spend the rest of my life with and trusted implicitly has turned out to be a monster who I cannot trust in anyway. It really hurts.

I don't know you... I don't know her... I don't know the situation... .BUT


red-flag THIS IS A BIG FAT LIE  ! I found out I was pregnant with my son 3 days b4 i missed my period!  It's called, First Response or EPT;( heck you can even get the store brand !)... .These test are REALLY accurate PREGNANCY TEST YOU buy OVER THE COUNTER... .Sounds like a stall tactic to me... .to YES, try to SUCK YOU BACK into the CRAZINESS and perhaps... .GET HER PREGNANT!

Ugh... I'm sorry, but girls like that make a bad name for us women   

Sorry If I am being harsh... .But If you ARE SERIOUS about being WITHOUT her... .Tell her when the baby is born you want a DNA test... If the baby is yours you will BE DADDY ONLY, but that this does not change your current separation.  See what happens then... .Until then, Tell her it's still NC !

  liw

This is called J'Accuse and it is a form of bitter denunciation from a Borderline toward a withdrawing object.  Not only does this send a message to others for help, but it also splits you black as the worst form of a cad (sadist) while she is victimized. It is a ploy to get others to pay attention to the Borderline's woes and also ensure the withdrawing object stays close by and hopefully returns.

If you find out that she *isn't* pregnant, don't think that you've dodged a bullet and can stay in the fight- trying to uncover the untruth. These scenarios are only limited to your participation- and there is something to be said here for knowingly having unprotected sex with a Borderline, having it used against you and then trying like hell to right a wrong when the possibilities of your behavior are spun in her favor.

If you cannot disengage and are seduced again, by all means, purchase protection and be prepared to use it. Borderlines are known to triangulate in order to punish the punisher, sometimes having sex with two different people within hours apart.  Once you have proof of that, get away immediately if you can. You are only going to suffer the back and forth valuation cycle where she spins the truth.  

Without condoms, you subject yourself to STD's or unwanted pregnancy and are left hanging in the wind if there is a pregnancy (and wondering who is the responsible party.) Try to make that responsible person you. (Some people do come with warnings.) Chances are, this wasn't the first red flag out of nowhere, she's given you a few.  Now you know that having unprotected sex increases the continued chances of a Borderline girlfriend acting out and threatening you with pregnancy. Lesson learned.

If she is pregnant- you will find out soon enough with proof of her body. All that remains is a paternity test. If the child is yours, you will have a Son or a Daughter that you must support wholeheartedly with their Borderline Mother.

Until then, at this point, if you want a better life for yourself, one that has a decent chance at happiness- it's up to you to turn and walk away and completely ignore the drama. You don't need to confront her. Confronting her is only playing her hand, by her rules.  I know it's hard to sit on your hands- but you must not engage in this until it proves itself to be true. :light:

Hi,

I suppose like so many others had this episode.

Of course for me drinking made my ex BPDGF worse and it was during one of these she announced she was pregnant. Of course we discussed it and it was a test to see what I would do.

It went on the next day and so on ... .

Like so many others the pregnancy turned out to be a mirage when the natural course of business happened.

I didn't think to check the bins for a supposid test and she claimed she tried two different ones whilst drunk.

Looking back and doing some research ... .the over the counter tests are very accurate ... .very. It is of course possible it gave a positive result ... .but given what I know now I doubt it. The simple fact is these tests are far more prone to give a false negative result than a false positive test. In fact the numbers are 99.99% against giving a false positive test. Was she the one in 10,000 with a false positive. Given the supposid preganacy was announced in the middle of a drinking induced rage ... .I doubt it.

Cant say with any certainty of course but the odds of a false positive are huge against a false negative when you actually are pregnant. Also three days latter you know what happened ... .

We all seem to have similar tales sadly.  ?

Ugh... .that is so gross. I definitely hope that isn't the case. But yes, I have learned my lesson and I won't make that mistake again.


Yeah she and I were once engaged. That would've been an even BIGGER mistake. I trusted her beyond any doubt also and that too is the hardest part for me. She can rage one minute and then turn around with the "sad puppy" look and suck me back in. Luckily, my increasing lack of trust in her is currently preventing me from running back to her... .wasn't always the case in the past.
No, you're not being harsh at all. I knew something strange was going on even though I know nothing about female plumming. Yeah, if there actually is a baby that is mine I planned on doing just that... .daddy only. I could only imagine how screwed up the kid would be if I got back together with her.


Even though I would never wish this kind of scenario on another person, I'm just glad other people have walked in similar shoes that I can get advice from.

I've been pregnant. I took a home test three weeks in. It works that early.

She is lying. She may even ne having unsafe sex with someone else, thinking you will believe you're the father.

DO NOT BELIEVE A WORD OF THIS.

Avoid her. Go no contact now. If she is pregnant you will have no obligation unless she can prove it is yours. Yes, PROVE. she must prove she is having YOUR kid.

If she is insisting you owe her anything at all she does have to give real, proven reason.

Until she asks you to take a dna test, stay no contact.

There are multiple at-home pregnancy tests now that are accurate just a few days after a missed period, some are accurate just a few days after the actual impregnation (before the missed period).

Do PDs use these types of crises to hang on?  You bet they do.  My DH and his ex have been divorced for over 5 years, and he still got the call we now term The Great Breast Cancer Episode.  It was a cyst, but before it was all over, there were crying/sobbing phone calls, a new will drawn up with my DH as executor, a list of personal items to give to the children, etc. etc.