BPDFamily.com

*survivor*

I thought it would be helpful to get a reading and track over time where we are in our healing using the Survivor's Guide as the metric.

We all go through the process differently and you may be in more than one step - but each of us can make a reasonable assessment of our situation.  To get more information on each step, please click on the list in the right margin.

This thread will NOT be closed at 4 pages - but will continue so that participants can up date their progress.

This is a good place to discuss how you made each progression and what it has meant to you.

Look forward to everyone reading everyone's thoughts.

Skippy

I am on Healing Step 15. Though I think from time to time I work on all of the ones above step 15. I now realize I can take action to have a more fulfilling life, but it's scary right now, and feels a bit forced and awkward. I assume it gets easier with practice.

I am really surprised how far I've come. Funny thing is I had no idea I was doing all this. It must be a natural progression?

Healing Step 20 here, but I feel very safe here and really have no desire to leap off to the last step-- yet anyway.  Life has had many bumps in the road lately, and i am happy to stay here knowing I made it through o.k.

Still, I know that I will eventually push myself to 21.   Years of therapy on myself has shown me that I like to be comfortable, but pushing myself through the fears gives me great rewards in return,

BW

I'm at a solid Remembering Step 3, and I've just restarted therapy to deal with the abuse I now realized I sufered from my parents and grandmother.

I am extremely reluctant to go through #4 as I'm experiencing the memories as unwanted, extremely upsetting flasbacks that interfere with my daily functioning.   :'(

I guess that's one thing therapy will help with.

I feel so blessed to feel like I am at Healing Step #20. It has not been easy. My uBPm has been in T for about 25 years, and I have been in T for at least 14.

I've known something was wrong for a long, long time. But I never knew what. Once I found that my mother had uBP, it all fell so quickly into place. My faith helped keep me afloat and keep pushing when times got tough and my T helped when my depression engulfed me. My M has begun to come to terms with her abuse of me, and we had a wonderful break through where I was able to express to her how impossible she was to have as a mother (she is a waif, hermit, sometimes queen). She told me, "I never realized how hard I've been to have as a mother. And how truly strong you are." With that HUGE break through (many thanks to our T and honestly to by BPm who in recent years has begun to heal tremendously).

Sometimes I find myself back at #14 or #11 which is why this group exists, but I feel so blessed to have faith that pulled me through. It no longer defines me. I no longer feel like "I am exactly like my mother. I am destined to become her. No one will ever love me, no one will ever find me worth. I am so ashamed." Now I feel like, "I may not be perfect, but its ok. Life is a journey and we are all just trying to survive. I have my faith and my enduring spirit. I am healthier and happier than my mother ever was! I will never be her." I forgive others for their shortcomings, and most importantly, I forgive myself. My life has not been easy, but it has made me strong. I wouldn't trade it!

Remembering Step 1.  I read step 2, flooded, and went back to step 1, but  step 2 keeps invading my conscience demanding to be acknowledged ... .no more denial... . 

I am at Remembering Step 4... .i have just moved out from being with uBPDm and am going on my third counseling session... .Even in just the 2nd one, my counselor was asking quite honestly BASIC questions and it led to things that I remembered, but didn't realize I was still so hurt and angry over... .to the point ive had multiple panic attacks this week. We are suppose to discuss coping mechanisms this week so i can learn to deal with this flood of emotions. She said its because i never let myself deal with the "abuse" (verbal, emotional, some physical but not much) and so it got buried and is being resurfaced. She said it was so close to the top because of everything I went through this summer with moving out... .This has been REALLY hard, i thought being away from her would make things better and it has in certain areas but in ways things are harder now.

I would say I am in Remembering Step 2.  My breakthrough crisis happened about six weeks ago, I was diagnosed with C-PTSD, and I now am struggling with admitting/accepting that I was raised by uPBD Witch/Waif and enDad. I am working hard with both a psychotherapist and a somatic experiencing therapist, and am deep in a place a fairly undifferentiated emotional pain.  Thank goodness for this site!

I think I'm somewhere between Healing Step 16 and 17. I still have a lot of work to do (and fortunately I have a good T to help me along the way), but I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I still have bad days here and there, but for the most part, I'm much happier and confident than I was a year ago.

I'm in Mourning (Steps 8-14).  Facing my shame has been extremely difficult, and I'm still working on it.  I am now able to identify it in other people, and am slowly able to identify it in myself.  I really look forward to the day when I can say "Oops, I made a mistake," and simply move on with my day.  That will be a very good day!

I guess I am one of the few people who are in Mourning (Steps 8-14), though I sometimes slip back into Remembering.

Do we have to do these things in order?

I have just made it to Remembering Step 4. This is proving to be pretty hard because the memories are pretty repressed. I'm having to spend a lot more time than I want to being conscious of what I'm trying to remember.

I am between Remembering Steps 1 and 2. Lots of flooding memories and trying to sort through them.

I think I am on Remembering, Step 6. Trying to break away from the image I have/had of myself.

Although I have only recently discovered that my mother is probably BPD, I think I'm at Step 12-developing self-compassion. Very hard, very necessary. The shame runs so deep, creeps up automatically, and completely consumes me. I realized it's seriously affected my ability to function, and I must learn self-compassion. It feels "weird" somehow, or just unfamiliar, to forgive myself rather than leaping up and torturing myself for every mistake or perceived mistake. It almost feels like it's "irresponsible" somehow, not to drive myself to shame over my mistakes.

These steps are very helpful and I see that I'm still in the "mourning" stage.  I can see them in the sidebar at the right of the page, but is there a place where I can print them out in their entirety? 

Thanks for bumping this thread. I'm in Healing step 15. Two and a half years ago I had just begun to seriously acknowledge the childhood abuse so I feel that I've come a long way.

Try this:bpdfamily.com/book_review/morris_foundation.htm (https://bpdfamily.com/book_review/morris_foundation.htm)

The book locater will get you a free download.

(https://bpdfamily.com/book_review/images/locate.jpg) (https://bpdfamily.com/book_review/morris_foundation.htm)

Thank you Skip!

  |iiii