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Title: Male and Female BPD... is there a difference Post by: Sailskier on September 17, 2011, 10:00:57 AM I am in the process of breaking off a 6 year relationship with my fiance. In actuality, we have essentially broken off the engagement... .I am lost... .I feel as though that I may be ill myself. I am desperately clinging, reading quite a bit about BPD. The curious issue is that many of the described BPD are women, and the break up stage describes them as coming back repeatedly... .this is is my third break up with him in six years... .and he just disappears... .moves on quickly. Is there a difference between the break up behaviour between male and female BPDs?
Title: Re: Male and Female BPD... is there a difference Post by: newlife3 on September 17, 2011, 10:49:55 AM Hi:
Sorry your going through this difficult time! Glad your taking good care of you and setting boundaries... Are you wanting to not end it, when you say "clinging"? N/C allows you time and space to sort out some very confusing feelings from all the ups and downs and your brain to heal. The scientific research notes the males often are also narcissitic, & many low functioning ones, also have addictions... Both male and female BPD's have a wide range in their coping skills from high to low... Some like to recycle as you will read, others posts on here, some do not... My ex H BPD/NPD ended the marriage and did not recycle with me, or his ex's... Good you are reading as much as you can on the site. Start with the Lessons to the right of your screen on this board, and the article on Beliefs that get us stuck... Are you getting a T? Keep taking good care of you! You are not alone here... Title: Re: Male and Female BPD... is there a difference Post by: 2010 on September 17, 2011, 03:15:40 PM Excerpt this is is my third break up with him in six years... .and he just disappears... .moves on quickly. Is there a difference between the break up behaviour between male and female BPDs? No. But there is a difference between Narcissism and Borderline behaviors during a break-up. If you are unsure if he is Borderline, but have started to see traits-have googled and arrived at bpdfamily.com- try this test: the easiest way to determine Borderline personality traits for a male is to witness submission during sex, witness fetish behaviors and watch for desires of subjugation fantasies. Otherwise, you probably have a garden variety Narcissist who escapes intimacy by withdrawing and isolating in narcissistic retreat, in order to protect the grandiose false self from being diluted and siphoned off. Narcissists *can* be alone as indeed, they've maintained this stance for most of their life. They tend to attract people that need and want them rather than the opposite. When Narcissists feel attacked, they retreat and hide. Borderlines, on the other hand, are very seductive and persuasive, especially in their stance as a victim needing to be rescued. They will do anything to divert feelings of alone-ness. They cannot handle isolation and they work hard by coercing others to feel pity and sympathy. If a Borderline goes away from a partner- they do so by feverishly scanning the horizon for clues to another attachment as quickly as possible. Title: Re: Male and Female BPD... is there a difference Post by: Sailskier on September 17, 2011, 08:29:21 PM Thank you both... .This is quite new to me. I am struggling to get on with my life. I always knew that he had "emotional issues", but had not been able to put a name to it until I read upon BPD. It now all makes sense, the combination of a father with a severe Bi-Polarism, a chronically depressed mother, and a 13 year old daughter who cuts herself and is medicated; quite telling. I will continue to read and study the articles on this site. I need to get better... .it feels like I am the one who is ill.
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